Choti Jaan most men desire their wives to be only 2-3 years younger. Pakistani men are more extreme. Perhaps they value youth over personality or like to be domineering and in control, I honestly don't know.
three factors work against smaller age difference.
1) girls families are looking or guys to be established etc, and that is rare at 22, many guys also want to be done with their education and have some work experience to have some financial stability etc, that puts them at an age where..
2) most desi families want the girls to be married already.
3) many guys and girls dont want to start having kids right away, so the biological clock factor comes into play as well..
I don’t think ur ever too old to get married-- when the time and person is right, just do it. It might not be conventional..but who cares about following norms/conventions now. Do what makes ya happy
Err.. Brad Pitt is hot. Do u know most 30-50 yera old desi men who look like brad pitt (really do, not think they do)
Traditionally a husband is expected to provide and the wife is expected to keep home and rear the children. These were the traditional gender roles, in pretty much all societies. Now that things are changing, women are going for more education and building careers and contributing to the households–that’s breaking the Traditional role. So when an older woman who’s having a difficult time finding a spouse says the man has to be as much/or more educated than her, earning as much/more than her, is it b/c she wants him to provide for her OR does she think he will be mentally and emotionally compatible than someone who is less?
three factors work against smaller age difference.
1) girls families are looking or guys to be established etc, and that is rare at 22, many guys also want to be done with their education and have some work experience to have some financial stability etc, that puts them at an age where..
2) most desi families want the girls to be married already.
3) many guys and girls dont want to start having kids right away, so the biological clock factor comes into play as well..
so do the math..that creates a big issue.
That makes sense...but what about the guys...you know the older guys having less energy ...less patience etc etc.Pleasse share your views in the age difference thread that I opened too.
Thread starter: the title of your thread made me laugh. Its immature, offensive, and I dont mean to sound harsh - but it is rather stupid.
Dont feel "sad" for older unmarried girls - a lot of them are much happier and prosperous than the happy younger married girls. Being married and breeding doesnt automatically mean that you have made it in life, for many there is much more to it.
A word of advice/request, the next time you feel like feeling sorry for someone in public forums - dont.
If you have to feel sorry, then feel sorry for those who have been deprived of their right to live, and instead of posting threads to air your sorrow - ACT.
You know Choti, my mom was discussing this with another aunti the other day. She was at a gathering and was speaking to this rishta aunti about my little sister. My little sister is a doll Mashallah...active, intelligent, beautiful, etc. My mom asked if she knew of anyone that was looking for a girl right now. The aunti threw up her hands and said no one. She said there arent enough men right now. It was the funniest thing but made a lot of sense coming from her. She would know being in the center of it all.
According to her, there are more educated and well qualified girls then guys. Most girls these days dont stop before a Master's and even then want to continue their education. The guys, frankly arent matching up. She said a girl with a PhD does not want to marry a guy with a Bachelor's. She would like someone who is at the same level if not more and there arent many like that. Some girls have to compromise and just suck it up, some dont marry and some go to Pakistan and marry within the family.
I personally know of some VERY well educated girls, super successful, good looking, sophisticated but not married. You wouldnt think they could possibly have a problem meeting a man but they say the same thing...the men just arent there. And they dont want to settle.
MEN, please dont take this as a male bashing comment. Its not, just what Ive heard.
hmm.maybe in the community I'm living in girl's are getting married at a younger age- and that's why I'm thinking all wierd----Just as a quick way to get a general picture how many of you (if you don't mind telling us) are say 26+ unmarried? How many of you got married prior to turning 26?
I think my community may be skewed somewhat to earlier and that's why i think I asked on a wrong assumption.
I was married at 24 (almost 25) and was one of the first of my friends to get married. I know a couple girls who married at 21-22 in our family and community. But most were in their mid/late twenties. To me, it's not "late" for the desi community, until 30. And then it's not a bad thing. But yes, it is harder. I don't think people should completely close themselves off to marriage, but it is not something that should take up all your time. And it is not a measure of success or of happiness.
Jaanwar, Exactly!
Getting married earlier does not make you happier. It also doesn't suggest that your life is better, or that you are "ahead of the game." Actually, the movie "He's just not that into you" may be worth watching to enlighten you. I have to say, you sound very young and naive.
Its not that MEN are a rarity (although that might not be too far from the truth either)...educated and qualified men are a rarity. Girls dont want to marry a guy just for the sake of marriage, they want more out of a relationship now.
Women are climbing the corporate ladder and excelling quickly while men dont feel the need to go that far. I heard something like this a few months ago too...majority of the advanced degrees in the US are held by women now.
I was soo sad....my aunt was abt 30 n she didnt get married....not only me...but our whole family was pareshaan for her coz shes beautiful, independent, very well educated, a great cook, everything u require for a girl...and still unmarried...but we never gave up hope...and now shes happily married...and has got a beautiful daughter MASHALLAH
I have not read ALL of the past 3 pages - but - I STILL WANT TO KNOCK YOU ALL down that say they feel sorry for the girl because of her HIGHER education.
What rubbish!
Ask any of those girls - I am pretty darn sure they WERE in a relationship while in college. When you are done with college you are either 22 or 23 years old. IF the guys at that point DOES NOT HONOR HIS PROMISE and the relationship breaks OFF - then the girl needs some time to get over this. Even if she takes a year or 2 to even start thinking of another relationship - she is already 24 or 25 years old!
If at 25 she starts looking - and does not find someone - then she is 26 and HELLO 27!
At 27 a girl is NOT old. At 27 girl is just unable to find a guy who is NOT married yet who is older than her. Most guys are younger than her - so now it gets tough finding anyone at all.
And to those people who feel SORRY for these girls - and are declaring that YOU got MARRIED LONG BEFORE HER and now feel sorry for her - are just miserable people.
Not everyone's life is written in the same way. Get over it and STOP feeling sorry - or else - GIVE YOUR HUBBY TO HER - AKA - do something for her!
That makes sense...but what about the guys...you know the older guys having less energy ...less patience etc etc.Pleasse share your views in the age difference thread that I opened too.
if they can be classified as geriatric then probably less patrience is an issue. as ppl get older they do get more set in their ways but I also think are in general of a more sensible frame of mind.
As far as less energy, if we are talking about general energy about life and stuff, it has to be viewed in the context of overall lifestyle, two guys, even same age but one doign his MBA fulltine versus one working fulltime, the amount of free time available, easy access to friends and activities is very different. and thats if they are single, if the other guy is married and working then it gets even further complicated.
bte, read your thread and thats about a 14 year diff, I am not talking about that big of a difference. in my honest opinion girs in early 20's (21-22) getting engaged to guys in mid 20's (25-27) and then getting married in a few years probably provides the largest candidate pool for both. largest is not always best, but chances to find the right person are higher..
:aq:
