Re: Feeling regretful
I do not think she is regretful she married her hubby .... just as my mother is certainly not regretful about marrying my father. And hm ... mabey you should not have said she has too much time on her hands??? My mom has five kids and has a full time job ....i highly doubt she has had too much time on her hands .. but that does not mean she is not wistful about certain things about her wedding.
I am getting engaged to man I luv and as I mentioned earlier..it would be VERY VERY easy for me to be like that is all I want right now. I do not need anything else. But thinking realistically, I can see that mabey in the future I might regret not doing things the traditional way. Some times you get caught up in the moment of things ...Tammy was doing a lot...she arranged the visa and everything herself. I am sure she went through a lot with her family as well. So that makes one put their personal desires on the back burner.. ... so that is why it is better for one to talk to your hubby about things like this. Even if it is later on. Who cares. If anything it just helps strengthen the understanding between the couple! And there is no harm in that! :)
And as I said - even if her husband says no, atleast she will feel more at ease about the whole thing after discussing it with him as opposed to just thinking about it? And it really will help the two of them in the future InshAllah when they have children. He will understand where she is coming from when she is wanting to plan functions for them! From this perspective --> SHE IS LOOKING TO THE FUTURE.
That is my opinion. You are right. We might not agree. It is ok. Don't mind me .. I am a lawyer and I luv to argue. Only natural eh? haha
But I DO agree with you that she should totally have some kind of function. Especially mehndi type function. Close girlfriends and female relatives. People will always talk ..who cares. Her luved ones will be happy for her and ALSO be happy for an excuse to have fun :)
I do not think it is always the husband that needs to be persuaded. You are generalizing too much. I mean... how many stories have you heard about the guy's family going overboard or wanting too much? Or wanting to do too much? That would be my own personal situation right now actually. haha.
I think it is culture that promulgates the ideas. Every culture has their own rasmay's and traditions. Even within Pakistan, punjabi's have their own thing going on, people that immigrated to karachi from india have their own traditions, pathans have their own, etc. Then the country where you live in has their own if you live abroad. If you marry someone who is from a different country, they have their own. So it is a matter of understanding and compromising. Because obviously you can do it all .... But i do think understanding is the first step. Which can not be done without sharing feelings and talking about it. Compromise comes later.
I think it has gone overboard with number of functions we do (my future sister-in-law is going to have EIGHT functions...and i think she is crazy. She is doing pakistan things, american things.. It is a bit nuts to me).
But Tammy only wishes she had experienced 2 of the basics..mehndi and valima. And that is why I think that is normal.