First of all i would like to say that im so glad i found this forum…i wish i had found it while i was planning my wedding. I got married in January this year.
I had a love marriage and organised the whole visa myself for my other half to come to the uk( hes from Yemen) to get married here. I had no help from my parents in this as they said if he wants to marry you then let him come here. Anyway thats not important now as my parents love him.
The thing is when he got the finace visa to come, we had six months within which to get married. I didnt have a mehndi, as at the time i felt like i didn’t have enough money/time to plan a proper mehndi so rather then a crappy one its best not to have one at all. We had a one day function which was lovely.
But im feeling so regretfull now that i didnt have a mehndi. I dont have those memories to cherish.
I also didnt have a walima, as none of my husbands family live in the uk, they are all in Yemen, They couldnt even make it for the wedding. I mean i cant say to themn give me a valima, it should come from them. That saddens me to as i wont get to be a bride twice, and have those memories.
I havent spoken to my husband about how i feel as i think he wouldnt understand, and he thinks its all a watse of money..weddings i mean. Dont get me wrong though hes a wondeful man and loves me alot.
i know a man who came from india to canada to marry on a fiance' visa and he too was all alone by himself. mehndi is NOT even part of wedding [islamically] while walima is...so, in his case one of girl's parents friends made him her bro and gave a walima on his behalf. so, walima zaroorii thaa...Khair jo ho gayaa so ho gayaa...don't dwell on it...may be u'll have a grand wedding for ur children, iA...shaadii mubaarak :)
Congratulations! Well, there's nothing stopping you from organizing a post-wedding mehndi evening for yourself and your friends, do it!
i just think people will think it silly, as ive been married for nearly a year now. The Valima i do think could happen. I need to speak to my husband about it but i dont know how to bring it up. I mean surely if they wanted to throw a valima for me they would have.
You need to talk to your hubby rather then us, because believe he will make you feel soo much better, because well he is your hubby after all. And if hes not gonna understand then who will. And ya you could have a mehndi, plan it out n all but you're missing the big picture, you marrried your love how much of a blessing is that?? Instead of missing those memories, make new ones with him! This is the time for you to start building that photo album so when you look back 20 years from now, you don't say ohh i didn't have a mehndi, but instead you can say we did this and went here and did that!
Thanks for your response Gaia, you are right in what your saying. I am missing the bigger picture i know..but i don't want to regret anything later on in life. I while try talking to him, although i feel really uncomfortable doing it.
I see all the pictures of the mehndis/valimas on here and it makes me sad that i never got to have that.
^ I honestly think we ALL go through those feelings and feel sad that our mehndi/wedding/valima wasn't like that or something, esp after seeing some of the pictures posted here.....but if you think logically it doesnt make sense to get so upset. you said you had lovely function, so you should focus on that, as well as the relationship between the two of you
i dont mean to make you more upset, but out of sheer curiosity of responses of other people …
isnt a valima important? it has to be done .. ?? i mean … the entire mehndi/barat can be skipped … but it’s the nikkah and valima that are important …
as for you tammy … if your husband loves you a lot … then you shouldnt be uncomfortable talking to him … especially if it’s a love marriage and you guys already know each other well … i am not giving this advise solely for you to be able to talk about getting your valima … but generally … communication is vital!
no, you can have nikkah and walima together. nikkah is only the actual marriage part. if it’s an event (party/dinner, therefore announced), that constitutes walima too. it sounds like they had a one day function. lots of marriages are and were done like this - my parents, some of my cousins, my own.
I like the 1 year anniversary idea....is ur anniversary coming up or has it passed? why dont u encorporate a small gathering for friends and have a small dholki / henna party during the day and then get glammed up for a nice dinner event? u'll have ur anniversary, mehndi and walima in one without anyone suspecting wot u wer upto! :D
First of all, congratulations, you married the love of your life.
As for not having a mehndi and valima. Well I agree with Sohni, there's nothing stopping you from getting all dolled up and having a mini-mehndi, look at it this way, you can even dance at your mehndi without all the aunty's going "hayei Allah, yeh larki kya kar rahi hai" lol
Valima, I think you should really just talk to your husband. It might be hard to bring the topic up, but just do it in a subtle manner. I don't know, mention how one of your friends is getting married and looking for dresses for her valima...and then just be like "hey, it would have been very nice if we had a valima" ...ofcourse once youve talked about, don't forget to tell him none of your friends is getting married :p
In the even that none of the replies here help you, its simple...make new memories...fill up albums and albums with pictures...cause when times goes by..you wont regret not having a mehndi...but you will regret wasting so much time wondering why you didnt have a mehndi, isntead of taking beautiful pictures with the one you love...
Surely marrying the love of ur life should put everything else into the shade. He doesn't share your culture so has different customs, they probably don't do mehndis the way we do. Have you considered that his parents probably couldn't afford to fly over to a wedding that they possibly weren't happy with. I don't get why its important to want a valima when they probably can't afford or possibly they don't want to. You've been married almost a year now. Just have an anniversary shinding instead. Concentrate on the present and future not the past.
THe important thing is that you married dthe right guy. It's not the wedding thats important, it's the marriage.
A good friend of mine had an extravagant engagement party, a realy fancy mayun, mehndi, and dholki events and a grand wedding and valima. Everything was just extravagant. Unfortunately, the guy turned out to be a total jerk and shes divorced now after 2 years of marriage :( Its just so hearbreaking, i still have all the pics from her amazing wedding.
Be grateful you got married to a wonderful man. Who cares if the wedding wasn't perfect? You have your whoel life ahead of you. you will have tons of anniversaries, and baby showers :)
no, you can have nikkah and walima together. nikkah is only the actual marriage part. if it's an event (party/dinner, therefore announced), that constitutes walima too. it sounds like they had a one day function. lots of marriages are and were done like this - my parents, some of my cousins, my own.
I didn't know that. It sounds more affordable, though
And you could have one really nice function instead of 3-4 different parties
?? i mean … the entire mehndi/barat can be skipped … but it’s the nikkah and valima that are important …
ameen ameen! 
