Re: Feeling regretful
I also think there is a difference between "complaining" about one's wedding and "feeling regretful"/"feeling wistful". Obviously everyone gets married under different circumstances and some have big functions and some have very small. Some people are not that lucky to have all of their luved ones attend since some of us live abroad and yet our relatives are in Pakistan. But MOST people do have the traditional pakistani functions that come along with the event of marriage. It is natural for a girl to atleast want the PURE basics ... mendi, nikkah/barrat reception, valima.
Theirfore, I find it very very normal for you to find it somewhat hard to talk to your friend that is getting married Tammy. And you should discuss the idea of Valima with your hubby. Girl, mashAllah you are lucky you had a love marriage - have no fears! I am sure he will be reasonable, and understanding with you. He obviously really cares for you to go against the usual Yemeny traditions and norms by marrying you :) He considers himself a lucky guy to have you. Mabey after talking to him you will be even less concerned about this whole matter because by discussing the matter, you will gain a better understanding of where HE is coming from if he is not into the idea. But he even might be into it! You will never know unless you ask!
And you totally do not have to make this into a whole huge extravagant affair. My mother never had an engagement either but she is making sue I have this event. I think my mother will probably make sure I experience the basic wedding events. BUT this by no means that anything will be lavish and huge. My engagement will be at my house and other than the two immediate families, only my few closest girlfriends will attend. But as one of my best friends says (whose elder sister JUST got married) ... as long as you yourself feel like the bride...aka hair done, makeup, jewelry, beautiful dress, etc. and there is good food and you have the company of those that luv you most in the world ...... that is ALL one needs to make the day a happy one and memorable. I have to agree with her :) A lot of money does not need to be spent to have a special day.
Lastly, I also think bringing this up to your hubby now will also just make him more understanding in the future in regards to your (future) children's weddings (inshAllah). Especially because of him being of a different culture, this will atleast help bring him in the know that these things are important elements of the culture of his wife and something you value. So even if you guys agree for whatever reason that you can not have a valima or mehndi for yourselves now. Atleast he will be very understanding and receptive when the time comes for your childrens events. And then you can have a blast planning those one day! I say this from personal experience because now that my time has come, my dad is a bit clueless about wedding traditions and such and does not understand why things can not be done in a super simple way like how he and my mom got married.