Re: Feeling regretful
Hey hun - first off I think you need to constantly remember that you are a very lucky girl to marry a guy of your choice. :)
I personally agree with RupayHalwa! Organize a mini-mehndi event for you and your girls and be the center of attention. Even if its been over a year since your wedding! Your girlfriends and close female relatives will completely understand. I'm sure most of them are aware that you did not have a proper mehndi. Plus - in my opinion, girls are always looking for opportunities to have a chance to escape the daily grind and get dolled up, have a good time (sing dance eat, etc). Your close girlfriends will probably help organize this I bet if you brought this upto them.
As for the Valima - talk to your hubby. It is very important to have him weigh in on this issue. Tell him the truth though - that it is something that you have been thinking about and you do not want to have regrets about it later in life an that you want his opinion on this. I bet you that he will appreciate getting consulted as opposed to just telling him that you want this to happen. You can bring it up in subtle way though...that you saw someone's Valima pictures and that got you thinking .... then dive into the truth. Also tell him that you found out recently that a Valima is islamically necessary which is why its another reason you are bringing it up. Tell him it is something that does not have to be extravagant...but it is something you consider important.
My mother got married in a way similar to yours. No mehndi, very simple nikkah with only a dinner given to the few guests that attended, and the "valima" consisted of a dinner party my mom had to cook herself once she moved to America. Long story short, my mom's parents thought they had a while to prepare for the wedding, when my dad and his parents suddenly were like no - we want this to happen asap because my dad only got 2 weeks of vacation time until the following year. And thats how it happened. And I think that even though mashAllah my parents have had a long, solid, and wonderful marriage ....the lack of wedding festivities and all the things that come along with it - has been something that my mom has always missed and regretted. She claims that you can never miss something you never had ...but I can tell that she wishes she had those memories. I know this because sometimes she will say that she wishes she had a proper Valima outfit to show my sister and I. Or something similar in that regard.
InshAllah I am getting engaged in about 2 weeks ...and like you it is a love thing. I am overjoyed and think of myself as the luckiest girl. It is easy for me at this point to be like, I have the guy and the other stuff is just extra.. I do not need it. But I do think that as life goes on and time goes on - people do wish that certain memories were made. These events do not even have to be extravagant...but they should exist. It is in our culture, we attend other's events, we see the pictures, and hear the stories... so I think it natural for a girl to miss these things if she never got to experience them.
So I definitely think you should have a post shaadi mehndi (and go all out! and do it the proper way :) ). And consult your hubby about the Valima.
I wish you all the best. I hope this advice helped somewhat!