so i admit, i am feeling depressed. and before people tell me i can easily get out the house and go places, no i cant. wether your own families or whatever can do it in pak good for them, i cant so stop trying to make me feel like im makinh excuses.thing is, i feel like im begging all the time. begging to go out, begging to even go to the flipin doctor even. anything feels like a chore. my husband may disagree , but its how i feel. like i need to remind him or tell him a day in advance that i want to go out the next day. or whatver. such a big deal here. he promises oh il take you here there but doesnt. too lazy or just doesnt thinkits a big deal. he really is detached from anything romantic/emotions and all thaT. he doesnt see the big deal in anything. what made me open this trhead was when i asked my BIL to take me to the shops needed few things. its been 3 days, and i have to keep reminding himor theres no car to take me. and if husband or anyone takes me shopping, its always qucik quick and home again. browsing isnt done here. nor is window shopping. and before you all tell me to get a hobby/make friends etc, its not easy and there are not many people here. everyone here knows my inlaws, i cant even talk to the few friends ive made as they are all friends of inlaws and my sil. so i cant even ( even if in wanted to) tell them how i really feel or how my day is or how my life is or hpw my inlaws are, because its the same circle and itl get back to them.i want to hatre my husband for this. yes, hes a good husband otherwise. he has very good points. but this is one that i hate and i want to hate him for it. i have no idea how to broach this subject without sounding whiny and difficult to him.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
Can you use the kids as an excuse/reason to go out for an extended outing? Like to the park, or a play area etc? Some place where your husband can interact as well, and enjoy? Perhaps to a mall that has a play area, or something similar for kids? Primarily, he doesnt like going shopping for the same reason as every other male. Its boring, and window shopping is meaningless.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
I feel for you…I really do.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
can you just take charge and sit your husband down and say
"this is how i feel for x y z reasons, and this is what i need from you to feel better- are you going to fix it or not?"
he's not going to miraculously change one day on his own.. if you keep silently suffering he will continue on as he is
oh and i also feel for you- you shouldn't have to put up with all this crap
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
can you just take charge and sit your husband down and say
"this is how i feel for x y z reasons, and this is what i need from you to feel better- are you going to fix it or not?"
he's not going to miraculously change one day on his own.. if you keep silently suffering he will continue on as he is
oh and i also feel for you- you shouldn't have to put up with all this crap
I agree with this. And if that doesn't work lay the guilt trip on him. Didn't you move from the UK to Pak for him? The LEAST he can do is take you out when you need to.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
I'm sorry depression is hard and its always worse when you feel like you have no one to talk to. Could you not maybe take a vacation to go see your parents in the UK? Once you're there maybe you can see a therapist and get them to help you figure out how best to deal with your situation i.e the loneliness, the drama with your mil, communicating your concerns to your husband.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
Nadz, in your last thread you mentioned working on becoming more religious. I can understand the feeling of being restricted/closed...it's very frustrating/maddening, I know (been there). But at the same time....you cannot be out of the house the whole day...and after a while the bazaar/shopping center is gonna get old. So, that means you have to find something to occupy your time with while you're at home, so you don't go insane. Going back to the first point...why not allot some time for namaz or tasbeeh or Quran (maybe a lecture on youtube, etc). That way, you'll be working on one of your goals AND hopefully find some peace of mind in the process. But apart from that, think of other things you can do while you're at home....maybe read a book/watch a movie/make something with the kids/a project perhaps. He wants to create a more religious environment...so is it possible to go to attend the jumah khutbah? Maybe you'll meet people there and alleviate your loneliness.
Seems like the nagging isn't working on your husband and that it's a lose-lose situation. He's not taking you anywhere AND when he does...it has to be on his terms (time limit, etc). So...something has to change here, Nadz. If it's not gonna be him...then you're gonna have to make some changes. Try this: Go out by yourself. Get a riksha if you need to and just go. Go shopping more freely without having to worry about time. Maybe you'll only have to take this "drastic" (g-a-s-p) step only once for your husband to wake up and be a bit more flexible/compromising....IF your going out by yourself bugs him that much.
Also, reflect over whether or not you're being reasonable. If you have a health problem...go to the doctor. Does he really HAVE to accompany you everywhere? You can argue that your husband/in-laws are the one "stopping" you........but you are also stopping yourself, Nadz.
With the nagging...the more you do it, he's gonna start tuning you out. I know it's easier said than done....but if you let some things slide...you can ask for bigger things later on.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
your right. i dont know. i have no friends here so its harder. and it is fairly uncommon to see girls just hanging out around here. my husband has never said i cant go anywhere, he says go out do whatever, but its easier said than done esp for him. i literally had to force him to go for walks with me in the evening he wanted to know wether my walks would clash with the upcoming cricket world cup…
jeez. anyway i was furious with him about not going anywhere, i did think back to the uk, where even there i would have to get him to go out, he wasnt the outgoing type there either, but we were alone, it was easier. and its more easier to go out, here men just stare and stare as you, making me uncomftble as well as him.
so maybe its him. maybe i need to rely on myself. maybe im not depressed, i dnt think i am. i just dont like it here. end of. and any excuse is fine. see, same scenario back home wouldnt bother me. it bothers me here. so RV, ur right.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
I can totally relate to you Nadz... I also don't agree with people who say that go out yourself, you are making excuses etc. They don't understand the mahool in Pakistan. Its hard to go out on your own. I come from a moderate family too. I can't just go out alone. I have to have someone with me who understands pakistan ka mahool and having no friends doesn't help.
I think ghar main acha mahool ho to that helps too but in your case, your in-laws just create too much drama for anyone to survive.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
I can totally understand where are you coming from. I am in the same situation but the difference is that I just put my kids in the car and go out on my own. since this is not an option for you, I know how you feel 
Allah hidayat dayn in sub ko
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
THANKS .....my husband did ask me where i wanted to go, and to b honest, i couldnt think of one place here...not talking about food or eating, just going out....theres parks-he doesnt like parks, esp not ones near here -too many men etc etc and its not the same as in the uk. its ucrrently still very hot and humid to go out....so maybe whens its bit cooler might be easier to go for walks. im ok, i read books, i use the net, i write, i take care of my kids, thank god i have 2 kids. and im ok. but i would prefer going out-back in the uk. not here. too many pardah, too many men stare, too much hassle, and the driving here is atrocious. so maybe going out isnt the answer to my problms. maybe just expecting husband to atleast ask/feel for me is.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
i think its most men nature...recently we had a post by some lady who complained the same...even for me...i don't want to go out 'out of a very very special need'...office home office home...and I am not married as yet but I know and i have asked my ammi to tell my to be wife about my this habit. Most of my married friends are of the same nature...
So .. Nadz aapi, u wud have to look out for a solution urself ... have some pets / gardening / wood carving / ...
Its common with most men ...
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
Even if you go with him at that. he will be thinking what’s the score and etc. you don’t mess with men when there are sports going period.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
THANKS .....my husband did ask me where i wanted to go, and to b honest, i couldnt think of one place here...not talking about food or eating, just going out....theres parks-he doesnt like parks, esp not ones near here -too many men etc etc and its not the same as in the uk. its ucrrently still very hot and humid to go out....so maybe whens its bit cooler might be easier to go for walks. im ok, i read books, i use the net, i write, i take care of my kids, thank god i have 2 kids. and im ok. but i would prefer going out-back in the uk. not here. too many pardah, too many men stare, too much hassle, and the driving here is atrocious. so maybe going out isnt the answer to my problms. maybe just expecting husband to atleast ask/feel for me is.
If you come to Saudi, what will happen??
Pakistani ladies living in Saudi keep remembering Pakistan, how they uses to go to liberty market and so....
i want to say that you are sitting in better place in terms of going out,
You can go out alone as well,
If you get upset with driving, just take rickshaw and move on
If you join some GYm etc, you can make friends as well,
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
The bold part and then this quote of yours
So you are allowed to go out. Yes I know you want him to come along. But it is not as if he does not let you go out. If your husband never said anything like that, then why do you make it seem like he did.
In your first post you said that you have to beg to go anywhere. And now you say this.
Contradictions in every single thread of yours.
I am not being mean or heartless. But the fact is that you are not a seedhi saadhi meskeen woman. You know how to stick up for yourself. And your husband takes your side too. And you know that if you really want to go out, then noboy will stop you.
So instead of sobbing about how helpless you are, give yourself a huge kick under the butt and just go out.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
ohuuu, le pakistan, your right. i will have to make an effort to go out i know.what i mean by begging is- there are certain areas you need a man to be with u, or someone else. and its harder alone. so for my own safety and of not getting robbed of prices ( they charge extortionatly if they hear a foreign accent) is best to go with somneone else. so hence the begging.yes i can go for a walk by myself yes. but shopping etc, is better BETTERR with someone else. i went once myself and what did i do? i bought batteries that cost 300rupees. my husband nearly had a heart attack as he told me he can get the same thing for 40 rupees. so 260 rupees better off. and my urdu is very hindified and my ccent is very english.okay?? this reason do you?? :]
Feeling depressed? Pray. You'll feel better immediately.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
I think you just want some more independence and time with hubby.
That's all it boils down to.
Re: feeling lonely and depressed.
nadz..... at first dnt compare ur mother home land with ur susral home land..... dnt be confused here if u hv to live here n only here in pakistan u must LEARN to live here n yes its not easy but u hv to do that dear sis.... above posters guided u very well.....but the imp thing is ....its YOU who can only find out the solution...so muster up ur courage n try to create balance in ur life.
let me tell u one thing to go outside specially for shopping is a big problem for me too but what i hv learned ,i hv to do it for myself as theer is no one to accompany me again n again....n the most pathetic thing is i dont like bargaining ..so just like u many times i paid double amount or purchased a low quality stuff.........but gradually im learning how to shop well.....n im much succeded alhamdolilah,so U at first try to shop wid any of ur in laws lady if possible ,then try it by urself alone.
Duas for u :)