feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hello all,
I never feeled so much at this point of my life… I am 18 years old and studying in a good undergraduate program in a well-reputed university of our country..

In my intermediate, I never cared what people are doing, what are they commenting about me, what my actions would make some people concerned, I was with myself playing video games, trying hard to study and get admission in a good university (which now i did).. i am the youngest sibling of all and my elders are very talented in the respective fields.. they are graduated..

From my childhood, my parents have taunted me, beaten me, because I was not serious in studies (addicted to computer games).. though iI didnt matter to me..

Well now, as I visited Islamambad at my elder brother’s place as he just graduated and started a very well-reputed job as a researcher.. I stayed with him, met new people and got new experiences about how is life when I would move to university and professional career…

I came back to home, studied hard and succedded in getting admission in good university..

few days before I was about to leave to my university(I am a hostelite).. I was very excited as It was going to be new start.. I made promises to myself that I would work hard and achieve good grades..

Well now as I am studying at the university.. I have met people that are very much fashionable sort of persons… I kept myself away from girls(even from simple friendship and helping in studies..)..

one thing I must mention that I am kind of shy, nervous person and I dont like people much from the beginning of my life.. I would sit in front of the computer all day quiet and playing games and doing some stuff..

People here are very good in many respects that at which I am not… for example, english speaking, some talents, being handsome and beautiful are one of them..

I dont know why.. I never felt such things in my life before.. I have started to feel jealous and envious of others so much that my heart starts pounding when I have to speak in front of them and study in class with them or even entering the university seeing people noticing me..

I have started to hate myself because I dont have any friends.. people dislike me, I dont have any hobbies, I am hostelite here.. I ran into many problems those settling, food and major needs..

I am very hopeless.. I dont feel good anything about myself.. I have started to hate myself because I am unloved, ignored.. sometimes I think that If I get my hands on an AK47.. I would go in university and kill people and commit suicide myslef.. or simply i am feeling suicial because I am alone.. I dont have any contact with my siblings as they are live abroad now.. they are alteast 5 years elder than me..

I hate myself and dont even know the reason.. I talked my elder brother about this issue and he tried to calm me.. but whenever I see an advice (wether on the internet or from someone) that we should feel ourselve special, we should love ourself, nobody is perfect.. It boils my blood.. I get so enraged that I would shoot that person and myself at that very moment because my mind has accpeted hatred, jealousy as happiness for myself..

I am very lonely.. I cry much often.. I dont have anyone to hug me, kiss me or simply to communicate with… planning to suicide quite often..

and yes I DO FEEL jealous and hatred about people in relationships, they being happy, people laughing with their friends when I completely lonely in this world gazillions of people… I hate to think myself in relationship.. I think that I would never marry.. live alone all my life being hated and such..

I hate myself.. I have no wish to live.. I am desperate… What should or what can I do???

2

You’re only 18 dude! Get a grip. Your life has not even begun yet.

And living away from home has a big advantage… you will learn to be independant and you will build confidence very soon Inshallah.

I know you’re home sick but really concentrate on getting a good degree and jobs, girls, relationships, friends etc will come flying your way.

And suicide ki baat ki to :smilestar:

Guess The Place
3

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

I am so glad you wrote it before committing suicide.

4

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

You have to gain confidence again, Why do you feel so jealous? Your in the same uni as these other people, theres nothing to feel jealous about. You need to socilize more, Go out and meet people. Theres no harm in having girls as friends.

Find a job maybe? Your 18 years old, its normal to feel like this, it happens. When i was 18 i felt qutie jealous of people too because i wasnt in uni, Or college, I wasnt doing anything with my life. Now im 20 and im gonna go back to college again.

Dont think about marriage at 18, Marriage messes your mind up seriously, It will happen in its own time. Dont fret. That was my mistake at 17 i was worried if i was gonna get married or not. Things will work out for the best. Put your faith in Allah thats what ive been told so many times.

Look on the bright side, atleast your in uni, and when your dun your gonna have a career that other people are gonna be envious of.
Whats the need to commit suicide? huh? Allah doesnt want you yet! :p :)
Try stay positive, Remember theres other people in a much much worse situation than you.

5

^ true yar!

And Ozair, write as much as u want, we will all read it and we're all here for you. Can't do much over the internet but the least we can do is to hold a friendly conversation with you to get your mind off the various issues.

6

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

by the sounds of it u have isolated urself in a shell and are not putting an effort to communicate socially, thoree see himmat aur ek ek kar key naye dost banaao aur haan namaaz parho, jab yeh shaitani khayal aayein to AAYAT AL KURSI parho, InshaAllah sab behtar hoga :k:

7

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Dude you sound like me. This is how I have felt all my life and even when I first entered university. I entered a very good university and all my life had given emphasis on school and studies and nothing else. Even when I entered university I also felt jealous of people and the friendships that people had with other people etc etc. Even monetary wise I felt jealous even though there was no reason to do that. There was a point when I also contemplated suicide and I was so close to the edge. Then my mum was the one who brought me back to being normal. She told me I was having having thoughts which are bad for me and which are leading me to a path of self destruction. It took years, but by now I am a completely different person. I am famous, I have friends and those friends who are genuine, I am still doing better than ever in university and I am happy.

How I came out of this phase and thoughts of loneliness? I thought it is normal to feel this way because I am a new student in university and I am like a little fish in a big pond. I will have to personally do something for people to notice me. No one is going to come to me, I am going to have to go to people as this is not school any more. I am supposed to act like a mature individual because I am in university now. Yes I was at a disadvantage because before in school I did not socialise much and I was always concentrating in studies and playing video games. Yes I did play video games and yes I was BEATEN too when I was growing up so I can fully understand where you are coming from. I am still beaten but heck, that is a different issue.

You have to stop with these thoughts of self pity, and be strong. You have to join university clubs, and start doing work which people will notice. Once people notice your work, they will notice you. This is how you socialise and be known in university. Through your work and how good a human being you are not from your financial background or what your family name is. Smile, be happy, you are only 18(trust me I was 18 too when I joined university, I totally understand how you are feeling), and do what I told you too and iA have faith in Allah and everything will be all right.

How productive were you today...
8

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

dont isolate yourself, people can still do good in school with friends and activites to keep themselves busy - the time u spend playing games could be spent with friends, join clubs- campus life is amazing...make the most of it while ur there!

be confident and go out and have a new start!

PSL final to be held in Lahore
9

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

  1. If you are writing here it means you don’t really want to do it .
  2. If you are determine about something then don’t let second thoughts get you . hint
  3. Life is not a piece of cake . Welcome to the real world :k:
PSL final to be held in Lahore
10

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

See a psychiatrist and enlist in some therapy sessions. They will do wonders.

11

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Ozair,
Start loving people and you will get love in return. Volunteer and go work with people where social work is being done, go help sick people at the hospital. Go start a school in the slums and you will get nothing in return but love.
There are millions of people out there who are dying to get attention and love. If you give them attention and love you will be amazed how much love and attention you will get in return. Try it sometime and report back.
Love in the form of romance is not the only kind of love to provide you solace. You have not tried other kind of loves.
Your mommy , daddy, your siblings all love you, did you give hug and kiss to them in return ? Go hug your mom and tell her you love her and you will be astonished . Go give your dad a hug and tell him you love for what he has done for you all your life and you will be amazed with his response.
They provided for you all your life , they could kick you out and close the door , but they did not , if that is not paternal love then what it is. They could give you left over food and rags to wear , but they did not , why because they love you.

You need professional help too. Talk to your elder brother to get treated by a psychiatrist. Tell him how you feel. I am sure you did not tell him all of what you have written here.
To make sure that he knows the gravity of situation show him this post of yours if you are really serious to get help from outside. Print your own post and these post and let him read all these posts.

12

That does explain quite a bit. Sads. :-/

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13

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Hey dude, cheers up.

14

Ozair,

From an Islamic perspective, ALLAH has made us all imperfect in nature. We have varying abilities and talents, we have ups and downs in our moods, on a daily basis we make the the silliest or gravest of mistakes either accidentally or deliberately. And ALLAH has created our nature weak because we're prone to negative emotions like greed, jealousy, anger, hatred, ungratefulness, etc. Also from a religious perspective, this duniya was NEVER meant to be a perfect world.

^So, you're running after something that you'll never be able to achieve. That no person can achieve. Accept that neither you an NO OTHER PERSON can achieve perfection.

We all have experienced the whole "grass is greener on the other side" view......but closer inspection usually reveals otherwise. All these people that you think are SOOOOO perfect..................well guess what? You don't live with these people. You do not know about the personal problems that might be taking place in their homes. You also don't live inside their heads, so you don't know about their inner conflicts or demons that they have to fight.

Some days we're up and other days we're down. A person might have the perfect business........then business goes down. He might have the perfect job........and then gets fired because of the poor economy. One might have a lot of money........but could have cancer. A person might have the perfect marriage.....but an inability to have kids. One might be super intelligent.......but handicapped in another way. A person might have a beautiful face...........but an unpleasant personality (met a few of those).

Tumhay yeh log bahar se perfect nazar aatain hai........lekin tum in logon k saath rehtay nahin ho. In logon ki families main kya problems hain.....ghar k kya maslay hain........aur personal maslon.............ka TUM NAHIN JAANTAY! Aur bahut se log apni personal problems ka doosron se zikr NAHIN kartay. Aur humain aisa lagt hai jaisay un ki zindagi bahut aasan aur perfect hai. Aur baaz log jaan booj k apni problems ko chupatay hain aur is tarha se baat ya show kartain hain jaisay k woh perfect hain. Kya tum ne kabhi is baaray main socha hai???????? Ya phir kya tumhay jo bilkul saamnay nazar aata hai.....sirf usi par inti aasani se believe kar letay ho?????

Also, keep in mind.........that many things that seem perfect require....hard work........yaani k mehnat.Most people who have good jobs didn't get them magically. They had to work hard at school and at their jobs to get to the high position that they're at. Some people might lie and cheat......but eventually they get caught. Other people are perhaps born into wealthy families where a bright and rich future is handed to them on a gold and bejweled platter. But there's more pride in working for your goals.....it builds character. Those people who work with sincerity and honesty and integrity..........earned their success. It was not easy for them. For many things in life, we have to work hard to get them.......and sometimes even harder to maintain them. Assuming that they just got lucky......is in a way like insulting them......because you're dismissing/invalidating the efforts that they might have put into it.

You say that you're jealous of those who speak English better than you. Well, I read your thread and I think your English is MUCH BETTER than many people I know. I have taught English to American kids whose native language is English........and even THEY have trouble speaking and writing their own native language correctly. But the more you practice something, the better it gets. It seems to me that you're impatient. You want fast results and are not comfortable with the hard work.

The negative thoughts that you're getting are from the shaitan and every time you pay attention to them.......he wins over you. If you're not doing so already, start praying. In the beginning it might be hard to pray all 5.......but just try your best. Even one or two namaz a day can bring some peace. Read a little bit of Quran with its translation. And reflect over the positive things you have in your life.

Since you have spent so much time away from people, you feel a bit uneasy interacting with them. So, make the effort to interact with one or two people in the beginning......people that you're familiar with. And try to understand that you don't know all the details of their personal life to assume that they are perfect. If you stay away from people........they'll stay away from you. Instead, make small steps to socialize with others. Who knows? You might even meet someone who can help you in some way.

15

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Ifthis is serious then I urge you seek help from a psychiatrist.

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Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Salaam Ozair bro. First of all, plz dont committ suicide. Committing suicide does not resolve anyone’s problem even though we may think so. Infact, ones who committ suicide are punished in the hereafter in the same manner which they committed suicide. My suggestion to you is plz read this pamphlet.
Dawat-e-Islami > Books Library

InshaAllah after you read this, thoughts of suicide will go away. So plz do consider reading this.

2nd, you feel you were beaten up by your parents because you used to play video games all the time. Unfortunately, many of us don’t realize this but whatever our parents do is for the best of us. it seems like your parents wanted you to stop playing so much video games and get involved in other stuff, but unfortunately you failed to realize this. Now that you are facing this world on your own, you have realized that wasting all that time playing video games has harmed you because you could have had spent that time with friends and doing other valuable things. But it’s never too late.

You should start off with praying 5 times regularly. Peace of hearts is definitely in Allah’s rememberance. In addition, start making DUA. Allah definitely knows how you are feeling, and if you cry in front of your Allah Insha Allah you will feel so much better. Remember DUA is a momin’s weapon.

As far as making friends, unfortunately, in this world people dont come to you. You would have to pitch in yourself. So maybe you can start off with making some friends in your class. Organize a group study that way you will get to know your classmates.

As far as being loved, love Allah and Rasool Sallalaho Alahey Wasulum. Surely Allah and Rasool Sallalaho Alahey Wasulum love you. The way to know how much Allah loves you is to ask yourself how much do you love Allah. Tha’s how much Allah loves you.

Plz dont give up hope. Be optimistic. Dont forget to keep in touch with your family especially your parents and get their duas.

Colors in your language
17

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

hang in there Ozair. Things will get better InshAllah. Just have more faith in Allah and read the 4 Qul.

18

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

dude what ever you are up to, delete you 12th paragraph(AK)
dont get your but in some serious trouble.

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Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

Ozair,

You sound like someone I knew way before.

He is now a well educated, successful and rich person.

The way he got over it by focusing on goodness of life and making friends one by one.

Last time I spoke to him he had become head of department at his university and is loved by all his students.

You also sound intelligent and sensitive.

You need to make friends. Go out and eat. Study and do part time work if possible.

Help poor or needy people, this will make you realize your need in this world.
**
**Must talk to a psychiatrist. No Peer Baba, No Taaveez stuff.

Write more here when you can. Forget the past, live for good future.

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20

Re: feeling jealous and envious.. gone suicidal

may be there are few miraculous births where people are born with the right knowledge, otherwise all of us here were once jahil.
we didnt know what life is? and we harshly say things that we shouldn't.

its a Shaitan's duty till the day of judgement to distract humans from right path and make them follow its path that leads to Hell.

you are a grown-up man, and at your age there are many girls become women and become mothers of many people like you. the problem is you haven't faced hunger, you haven't slept on the roads. you have access to every happiness but you are crying for something that is truly unnecessary. and instead of using good use of the resources and consult Quran and psychiatrist, you are committing online shirk here (as if we haven't seen suicidal before, or as if Pakistan dont get affected cuz of suicidal attacks).

ps. are you sure you are not a bipolar? kher in any case...start listening to Quran's translation. quarter of a para everyday. it will bring cure you. Ameen

PSL final to be held in Lahore