feeling guilty overwhelmed and sad

[shanimasala]

Re: feeling guilty overwhelmed and sad

@Jolie

How about you home school your children for an year or so? Presumably, they are very young and have just started learning the basics. It shouldn’t be a problem to find an excellent tutor or multiple tutors for them. It’s a viable middle option, after all.

I don’t know exactly what makes you think that quality of life in UK would be so great for you and your husband, given the accounts from your previous UK based threads. What are the chances of you securing a decent enough employment in UK considering you’ve been out of work for so long? Have you started looking for jobs? You do know that you need to earn a certain amount of salary and show an employment record of certain years before you could even attempt putting documents together for your husband’s sponsorship, and even that process itself can take a very long time. There is no guarantee that your husband will find a respectable job once he comes back to the UK, and unfortunately that’s the main reason why you initially had to move back to Pakistan. So you decide whether you want to be in the same situation again.

You also need to decide whether you want to stay together as a family, and go through all the trials and troubles as a unit, or you are happy to be in constant state of emotional instability and anxiety and feel a sense of deprivation by keeping yourself away from your husband and children away from their father for number of years. Neither he’ll be in peace in Pakistan, nor your life will be any easier in the UK.

I just want you to be aware that going back to UK and being on benefits won’t solve anything, I hope you are prepared to work extremely hard - might have to hold two jobs if need be - to raise a certain income and meet the expenses. A lot has changed at benefits, employment and immigration front in Britain. So think hard about your decisions, make a smart choice, explore as many options as you possibly can. Give yourself a little break from thinking that you can leave your husband, and run back to mummy and daddy in UK whenever the going gets tough.

@Jolie

You have issues here, and you will issues in UK as well. You are a married woman with two kids, don’t think life in mummy daddy’s house can be same as when you were a teenager. Are you willing to do dead end jobs to meet the expenses and be able to earn a certain income? Have you explored the economic realities of Britain, in particular, London? Who’s going look after your children and how adequately, when you’ll be in full time job and they won’t have their father by their side either? You are really fooling yourself if you think you will go back to UK, and live comfortably on benefits, and be able to create some dodgy paperwork to sponsor your husband. A lot has changed here, and for better.

Somehow you are still struggling to get over feeling like a homesick teenager. You have the option of getting your 2 and 4 year old homeschooled for a while, and see how it goes, before opting for a traumatic departure. You have options available. Stop treating this knee jerk hip hopping between two different continents as child’s play. You married a Pakistani guy thinking that you will have your way, you will forever live in the UK and he will somehow forget about Pakistan and his parents. Things didn’t work out as you had imagined, and your ego is still isn’t recovering from this personal defeat of some sort. You are still fighting to have that particular ‘your way’ in life. Honestly, time to stop deluding yourself with any feel good fantasies and perfect plans that only seem to work in your head, and think practical for once. You know what is the gist of your post? My husband is extremely sad, he’ll miss his children, we’ll miss him…but oh well, I’m going to UK. So yayy me.

So really, the point is that think smart and explore your options with open mind.

Best two posts, eye opening ‘real’ advice as to how it can be back in the UK.