I know this Indian muslim family, the daughter had an accident rupture of intestines that required surgery complicated by infection in pelvis. The father as well as the surgeons tried their best to but eventually her ovaries had to be removed. I cannot describe the sadness on the face of her father.
Though she is well now, i keep thinking, will someone marry her knowing that she cannot conceive. If the parents don’t tell the in laws about her condition, what will happen if they come to know later.
though having kids is important for every couple but personally speaking i'd marry her even after knowing all this. akhir woh loag bhi to hein jinki aulad nahin hoti. adopt ker ke kaami puri kar lain ge.
It is not as sad as you make it sound. Off course, $hit happens. In-laws must be notified. The major problem here I think would be how the girl copes with it herself. If she takes it as an act of God and at least tries to live her life merrily, she will definitely find more than a couple of men who would be interested in her even with this situation.
exactly…my aunt has at her home a foreign girl studying in france for a few weeks, and last time we had a family meeting that 16 year old gal was there and we were talking about having children, and stuff with my cousin wives…and she suddently went out bursting into cries…she told my aunt dautghter that she felt sad cause she can’t conceive:(…
i think if people around the poor gal in Iconoclast story tell her about the bright side : at least she is saved and alive, and thank god to have their daughter’s life, instead of worrying cause she can’t have children…it will be better for her, and easier for her to “grief” about her motherhood.
they must remeber loosing fertility at young age is as painfull as loosing a a family member…because it is loosing one’s children before they could be born:(… see the thread on “coping with death”
i’d like to add that any loving man, who will truly love the girl for herself will be ready to marry her no matter what, and maybe adopt if they really want children…
If this kind of information was not revealed prior to the marriage, she would face divorce. Not many would consider keeping her and having a second wife, because, at the end of the day, they would feel that they had been "tricked" or "manipulated" into the relationship.
It would be nice to be able to follow this story and see what eventually ends up happening with her.
Iconoclast, are you in touch encough with this family to be able to provide updates?
^ Whats wrong with wanting ur own children?? I'm definitely in favor of adoption and I hope to do it one day InshAllah, whether I can have my own kids or not. Adoption has its rewards and yeah you can love and treat ur adopted kids like your own, but nothing and absolutely nothing cancompare to the feeling of being pregnant, having another human being growing, living breathing inside of you. And I'm sure the experience is just as emotional for any husband/father to be. If a man wants his own kids, lil ones ot be half of him half of her lol, whats wrong with that? Why does that make him not have any balls??
Now if it was a different situation, like she became infertile after marriage and he dumped her I could c the point. When the time comes, I honestly believe she will be better off finding a man on her own, rather than going through the rishta process, because the whole arranged thing can be quite disappointing and superficial.
I dont know maybe cuz I see marriage as much more than just poppin kids out, maybe at this point in life kids aren't that important to me. And like you have said yourself the whole rishta process is extremely superficial, if a guy likes everything else about her why leave her cuz she cant have kids?
If its a desi guy, he would probably have to go against his parents will and society to her, thats why I said she needs a man with balls who will make sure she isn't treated differently cuz of her condition.
there are men out there who are willing to adopt kids and are willing to love their wives even if they cannot conceive. True - very few of them are desis but she can pray to find someone who appreciates her for her.
Not wanting to marry someone because she or he cannot concieve is NOT superficial. What I meant by "superficial" is that family would have no problem rejecting her if she's too fat or too short or too dark or she lives in a smaller house, or other crap. Any diseases, sickness, infertility etc, those are NOT superficial reasons to reject someone. Be honest, if a rishta came along that you liked (not "love") and he admitted he was infertile, would you still agree to marry him?
If ur saying thas how desi guys are, then I don't think she should limit herself ONLY to desis. I think in this case, the family ought to be flexible in accepting th fact that theres a possibility they may have a non-desi (albeit Muslim) son-in-law..
