Idk. I just don't understand how one can be so mature in terms of being financially independent and so educated and have a career.....yet have the emotion maturity of the opposite.
People aren't perfect. Even someone who comes close to perfect can behave immaturely at times.
I think upbringing can play a huge role. If one's parents were overly critical/judgmental/controlling.......then that's what you grew up with. Yes, your teachers/friends/spouse/coworkers shape you as well......but one spends a great amount of time with their immediate family and the influences of that (even the negative ones) can be tough to shake off even in adulthood.
It can be easier to deal with the disapproval or non-acceptance of other people as opposed to that of your immediate family. Since marriage is such a major and life-altering decision....it's natural to want the encouragement of the very people who have been such huge part of your life from the.......get-go.
Emotions are complicated. They can be like a pendulum....swinging back and forth from one state to another.... maturity to immaturity...selflessness to selfishness...courage to fear....confidence to self-doubt. We get all sorts of issues in the forum and advice is given...but unless we've been in one's situation...things can be easier said than done. Plus you can sort of separate your interactions with family from education...profession, etc.
I'm not saying that OP's family is right here. She's a smart woman....and has the ability to discern right from wrong....and this includes KNOWING when the actions of family should be seriously questioned. Hopefully she'll consider various options, weigh the consequences, the long-term and short-term pros n cons.... before undertaking a decision.
Nothing can take away that pain for now. Just gotta try to be strong and give it time. Time heals…