Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

Lifestyle Relationships
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I have read alot of posts in this particular forum for the past year or so..and i love the advice that alot of you have given in the past. I would appreciate any advice from all of you re: my situation. I feel so lost, helpless, hopeless and just want to cry..i dont know what to do…

I am a well educated desi girl, who is 33yo. I started my matrimonial search a little late in life…around 28yrs of age, due to alot of reasons…ambition, career (medical professional) and then the passing of my father..which took me along time to deal with..still miss him alot, every single day.

Initially, i met alot of " Mr Wrongs", but finally i have met someone who i am compatible with. We care about eachother and get along fabulously. We are of the same caste, religion, nationality, one year apart in age, double degree holders i mean there isnt anything flawed in the fundamentals. But this is where there is a huge issue, esp with my mom, and that is he shaves his head. The reason he does is because it is thinning and he states that at some point he will grow it out for me. My mother cant get past it, she refuses to meet him until he grows it. Then she states that hes not good enough for me or that i am so inept that i cannot find anyone good enough to meet my mom’s standards. I dont know what to do, i feel that my mother doesnt understand where i am coming from. I want to get married, i want to have children i want to live my life with him, and its frustrating me to no end..i dont know what to do, should i listen to my mom and start over again, i dont want to disrespect or hurt my mother. But i care about him and i want to spend my life with him, but i dont want to lose my family.

On the other hand i am upset with him, the reason he isnt growing it..is because he wants to be accepted for who he is (though he promises me, after i say yes to him, when he proposes, he will grow it out) and he doesnt want to set a precedent that allows my mom to dictate to him..he says he cares about me..wants to be with me..but he wont grow out his hair even if i ask him to meet mom..

i am frustrated, upset, i feel like my life is becoming a huge joke..if my mom doesnt like anyone i find..then why doesnt she help me? I am 33 and despite having it all..i dont have anything…sorry i just needed to get that off my chest…plz help me..i know this sounds absurd..but have any of u guys faced that same issue…substitute the hair for anything else that wasnt acceptable or that was lacking..

thanks in advance…i am miserable and honestly feel like giving up and living my life alone…

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buy him a wig and get married

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LMAO that has to be the funniest thing i've read in a long time.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

So let me get this straight. You mom won't approve of your marriage because the guy shaves his head?

Read it back to yourself and see how many things are wrong with this. You mother obviously does not care about your happiness rather, presumably, her own preconceived notions about shaving the head.

You mother doesn't have to live with that person, you do and making this an issue is totally non-sense in my opinion.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

medical professional, 33 yo women whose mother isnt agreeing on her marriage coz the guy is voluntarily bald. yeah!!!!! that doesn't sounds like a troll at all.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless…plz help

:hehe:

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless…plz help

:smack:

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

Shave your head , that will teach your mom not to be so stubborn.
He is right, it is his right to treat his head the way he likes it. Does he rub some butter on it too ?

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

My mom has rejected bald men too.

Stand up to her and tell her its not her life...she needs to stop dictating.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

I get the feeling that you're mom may be afraid to let you go....so she's looking for reasons to hold you back even if they may not make the greatest sense.

Kindly explain to your mom that you started the rishta search at 28.....and that it took you FIVE years to find someone. Tell your mom that you are attracted to him and that his hair is no issue for you........and tell her that if you reject this guy over an issue that doesn't bother you.......you don't want to wait another FIVE YEARS to find another guy. Remind your mom that desi girls don't have all the time in the world to get married. Remind her that a desi guy can be 40 some years old......and still manage to get at girl who is 20.........WHEREAS girls in their late 30s.....may end up with a guy who is CONSIDERABLY older. Remind your mom of how unfortunately many desi guys and their parents prefer girls who are several years younger and instead of marrying a girl closer to their age. So, there's not a huge variety of guys waiting out there as desi girls age.

^Gently remind your mom of the consequences. Tell her that you're on a time limit....that desi culture is not very flexible about. Remind her that you also have a biological clock....and that you don't want to have kids when you're 50.

Explain the consequences to her. You and the guy should talk to your mom together....and ease her worries. Maybe she's just having fears about letting you go...and getting some reassurance from him may calm her down. Maybe he can make a compromise with your mom.

And if your mom doesn't budge..........and if NEED BE...........go ahead and point-blank ask her if she's afraid of letting you go? It might encourage her to analyze her feelings.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

It could very well be that your mom just doesn't find bald men attractive. Maybe she's afraid that people will make fun of her and say "oooh....her daughter married a gunja guy." Maybe she thinks that his baldness makes him look considerably older than you.

If YOU were not attracted to bald men........that's one thing.......by all means don't marry him then if his baldness is putting you off so much. But......in this case......you don't have a problem with his baldness at all.....and you're attracted to him...and you desire to marry him. If you don't have a problem........it shouldn't be a problem for your mom. You're the one who will have to deal with the married life.......not mommy.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

believe me i am not a troll. I know this is a stupid, nonsensical issue..i have reread what i have written, and i agree its stupid...but its happening to me. I have always been that good girl, i guess i feel so guilty because my mom is alone and i feel that she is my responsibility, i dont want to disappoint her, i dont want to hurt her.

No guy is good enough, there has always been an issue, either his education wasnt up to par, or there was a problem with him not wanting to move to the us etc..its neverending. I have never gone against my mom..but shes wearing me down...the more she knocks me down about this guy..the more i have self doubts and think..she is my mother, why would she not want the best for me...
My family, like most desi families, is status obsessed, and she has told me..that if u do marry him, she would be ashamed to present him as a son in law..and she told me not to visit her

i doubt a troll has this much time to write about this issue..as for being a med professional i am...just on vacation right now..i would rather be back at work..at least i could drown myself in work

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

thanks redvelvet..

i do have a problem with his shaving his head, he said he would grow it for me and take care of it..i feel so shallow, i mean turning down a wonderful person, just because he shaves his head!
As for mom..we had that talk about getting older, biological clock etc..and i told her that i am still single at 36 i would blame her forever, she told me thats ok, she would rather see me single than married to him...part of the problem also is that hes an investment banker..and her dream son in law is a doctor..and should be nothing but a doctor..mom isnt afraid to let me go..she wants me to get married..but to someone of her choice...

when i have asked her to help me find someone then..shes like we are working on it..but there really isnt anyone..she tells me i should go find someone...ugghhhhhhhh

i should just stay single...anger is breeding more anger..i am pissed at him now..because all he has to do is grow out his hair..and its over...this is just becoming more ridiculous..

sorry everyone

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Read post # 2 very practical advice.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

Oh lord, I watched a long play just yesterday I think on HUM tv about a guy who is bald.. LOL.. and now this..

watch it.. its "bal bal bach gaey" It was so funny... and a good play.

I know a lot of men in their young age who are balding but man a girl would be totally stupid to reject them.

Your mom is being unreasonable. Its your life and if you want to marry him, do so. Tell your mom that you respect what she has to say and appreciate her concern but you don't see anything wrong with the guy. Your mom finds shaving his head a problem, his mom can find your age or anything else to be a problem. No one is perfect. You can go on and on criticizing someone for the career, looks, age, height etc.. but really what if t hey start the same thing. Just accept him for his personality plus balding is a non-issue.

If you are concern he can always go for a hair transplant but at this point he is right. You and your mom needs to accpet him for the person he is.

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless…plz help

y so serious?

:rotfl:

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

omg seriously? thats the big issue?

you're 33....start acting like it.

if you dont want him, i know plenty of other women that might - even with this bald head.

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I have seen it all :sadaf:

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Re: Feel lost and hopeless...plz help

This reminds me of a drama I watched on Geo Tv recently called Bal Bal Bach gae....

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Lol I watched it too!!!