Hey guys
Thought i would give u an update. Unfortunately, its not a positive one. I am back home visiting mom. I have been home for the past week and intermittently the conversation swings to marriage. Apparently, everyone and their nani is getting married, either family members or ppl that we know.
Yesterday my mom brought up the topic with me. She asked me what my plans were, i told her that i want to marry my guy, lets just call him “Ricky”. Mom said, well when are u going to introduce me, i was caught off guard, i thought finally a breakthrough! It lasted on a few seconds, i told mom i would introduce him to her next month ( we have only met 2x but have talked for 7 months, long distance).
Then it started, first the comments about his hair, then how i should just marry anybody because i wasnt good enough to get a better guy so i should just settle. Then comments on how he was “ugly fugly” (thats a direct quote btw). On top of that, my sister, who to my face said he was a nice guy, was telling my mom something completely opposite about him, just in terms of looks, saying she would never marry anyone like that, and that wasnt her taste, basically the whole arguement from my mom was i was settling and its my fault. She then proceeded to bring up all the other ppl i have met on my matrimonial journey from hell..and how it was my fault that i wasnt able to find a decent guy…basically it just went on and on from there…
I stood up for Ricky, i told my mom he was a great guy and i was happy, mom was like go and do what u want, marry him dont invite me and since u cant find anyone anyways settle for him, initially i started argueing a bit of raising my voice..but after awhile..i let my mom continue yelling and i stayed calm.
I suggested to my mom that perhaps i should leave, and she said go ahead.
I am still at home, didnt sleep all night..she isnt talking to me now..and i am not upset, but just angry. Angry that my mom is not being fair. Angry at my sister for not being honest with me and most of all for talking smack behind my back. Angry at myself for not being able to find the perfect “jawaii” for my mother. I feel like a failure.
Despite being the perfect daughter in every other way and honouring my parents, it doesnt matter because i am a failure.
I read so much on how ppl say that no one will love u like ur parents, and i do agree with that. But my logical side kicks in and says to me, ur 33, u want ur own family, children, and ur with a guy who loves u and cares for u and who despite all this abuse being thrown at him, is still by ur side..what more do u want?
I feel that my mom will eventually come around..but what if she doesnt?
What if i am making a mistake going against my mom ( i know it sounds illogical, i am an educated woman, but why would a parent want to hurt their own kid?)
In my heart i know that what i am doing isnt wrong. I feel that i have reached a crossroads and i feel that if i get what i want…i wont be entirely happy, but if i dont go ahead with this and listen to my mother, i will have to start all over again and what if i dont find someone as wonderful as him? i still wont be happy.
More than anything, i needed to vent, i have no desi friends to talk to about this..and i appreciate ur time..
thanks