..of getting married, why is it soo common these days? Is it because we get to hear soo many horrible stories regarding marriages? or is it because we don’t trust the person as much as we should? or is it a normal feeling?
People on this board before my generation, did you guys have the same fear before getting married to a person who you hardly knew? Were there many divorce cases to be heard around, which added on to your fear if there was any?
I have seen that in today’s world, we try so hard to be careful in a matter of chosing a partner - especially when its arranged. My fear is only because of the stories I have heard around. Too many generalizations regarding how the guys act in US and how girls act and it gets hard to actually think outside that bubble =/
it helps to reduce anxiety and tension. i did it today and it really helped.
just think: there is a risk in everything. but we can't stop living. who knows what the future holds. we can only try to make smart decisions and work with what we have by sabr and akal.
A little fear is a natural thing butLois, focus on the positive stories rather than the negative ones. Yes we learn from each other but if something failed for someone doesn't mean it would for you. You get into anything in life with positive expectations, whether it's your career, a gym, or even marriage.
I wouldn't really consider others 'stories' when considering a potential. Everybody is different right. Yeh ok, some people go through some similar issues regarding in laws and all that jazz, but your married life will be different as you are different. You can't actually learn from other peoples 'mistakes' either, your situations/issues will be individual to you.
I'm not married, but I do agree with the thought of marriage being scary. Considering the divorce rate these days. I recently read/watched on TV that 70 % of marriages involve some sort of infidelity. THAT SCARED ME!!!!!! And I know that there are healthy strong marriages out there. Many of my friends' marriages are good examples.....but it's natural to be scared. Marriage is like the unknown....everything is new and different.......and the unknown can be scary....and even exciting at the same time. I guess it's important to find someone compatible to you, that you can compromise with......and also be able to maintain your own individual identity at the same time.
Being nervous/scared is normal especially when you hear crazy stories like we do on GS sometimes. Especially in arranged marriages where you feel you have no control or say. In realiy, you do.
All you can do is just make sure you voice your opinions to your parents. They have to know how you feel and take that into consideration. By the same token, dont be so picky that you overlook a gem because his nose is too long or his hair isnt the way you want. These things dont matter in the long run, the way he treats you is much more important.
At the end of the day, its all a gamble. Arranged or love marriage, doesnt matter. You wont be able to find out everything about a person just because you fell in love. There will be a ton of surprises when you start to live together. In arranged marriages, at least the expectations are low because you dont know the person and cant predict how its going to be.
fear of unknown is a natural feeling and one can not deny its presence and it has apprehensions attatched with it which can cause a lot of depression if not handled wisely. yes, today's world has made this more horrible as both the girls and boys are involved in this marriage selection process and then they have expectations which brings a lot of frustration with it. searching for an idealistic personality has become an obsession. one should keep this in mind that there are flaws with us too and every human has an altogether different experience. relaxing and then handling the things will surely make this process an easier one.
^ AE: I just want to say that you are one of the wise ones around here - you've definitely got a good head on your shoulder - you'll make an invaluable spouse to anyone! No joke - don't be afraid and just get married!!
^ AE: I just want to say that you are one of the wise ones around here - you've definitely got a good shoulder on your head - you'll make an invaluable spouse to anyone! No joke - don't be afraid and just get married!!
Loisy im thinking same as u, especially reading all the stories on gs, and seeing how many people i knw get married, and dont get along:bummer: but then i suppose reading these kinda threads, and also by observing people around us. we get pointers for ourselves and learn from them..
and remember we all got to get married some day, cant be sitting around in ammie abba’s house all our lifes and wait for prince charming to come along..
i wish that examples may prove promising as that is the only way to make this husband-wife relationship work better then earlier................. but the overall grooming needs to be looked well as the better children would b able to make this institution work better.
Don'r really come on Life much.. but agree Lois it is very scary and I think it also depends on your age..
People are marrying much later in age and with age comes experience/expectations.
We become more stuck in our ways, we have specific customs/rules/habits and they are what make us fear marrying someone who may not be in line with your needs.
I think like many people have said, it is just best to stay positive and remember if you give 100% you will have less regrets in any part of your life
…they will beat up whoever messes with you…
