Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
^ There you go tissues. She is controlling. I am truly amazed at how you missed that from the initial post.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Yeah it was a mere suggestion & an extreme one.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
People around this age rarely change,specially if they have an upper hand(class difference). You need to set clear boundaries either now or after marriage. Both options are risky. Good Luck.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
I totally agree with LP…
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Tell your mother to talk to your mother in law & resolve it. Its better if elders get involved & resolve these issues once & for all.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Right now the only thing I can think of is to put up a quote telling people to not interfere as my WhatsApp do and hope the nande forwards it to her mom. Don’t know if itl be effective or will backfire. I feel like I might erupt the next time she becomes bossy. And my temper is very messy. So I just try to keep it bottled up. How does one become passive aggressive? Can it be used to thwart her. A friend of mine tells me to play the wealth card , but I feel that is petty. No matter what, I don’t want to crush anyone’s self esteem.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
So I gather telling her to back off is the only option then. Wish me lick in gathering the courage and crafting a good speech
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Either do it yourself or as tissues suggested,ask your parents to do it. Being passive aggressive is not going to help you and nor will the whatsapp status.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
I will. And thank you guys, you have no idea how talking it out has helped me. At least I feel I’m not alone. I couldn’t discuss this with my family. Now, I think I should.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Maybe you can tell her son who happens to be your husband?!?
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Just glare back and say, “Nahi. Nahi. Abhi Nahi.”
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
I’m with @LP… grow a backbone girlie! It will serve you well when the going gets even tougher. Or don’t marry into a family where the Matriarch thinks you are on the same level of an amoeba. Disdain has a tendency to turn into resentment… and resentment is the kiss of death in any relationship. Good luck!! 
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Every individual thinks that his/her mother is an angel. Don’t you think the same?
She brings you presents and expects you to use them. Not just them, we all expect our presents to be appreciated?
Just because she is your mother in law to be, you dont have to think that negatively. Maybe she does the same with her children.Thinking too much about things isn’t just a nuisance. It can take a serious toll on your well-being too.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Controlling behavior is a negative lol. If she does it with her kids to then she needa to see a therapist or something cause that’s just abusive.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
I totally agree with you. But I’m sure her parents have chosen this guy for a reason. I cant discourage her and ask her to see only the ugly side of the picture . No, in our desi culture, people dont goto therapist for being controlling. Yes, if she has some major problem with guy and his family, she should talk to her parents about a way to come out of it before its too late.
But then again in desi setups, things aint that simple.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
OP,
If you and husband are not going to be living with MIL, then that makes things easier given the situation. In this case, you could apply the “in one ear and out the other.” For example, if MIL tells you not to eat certain foods when you go out…it most likely comes from a good/caring place…even though it’s understandable that we tend to bristle even when our own parents become overprotective. But if MIL is not going to be attending an outing with you…then she’s not going to see what you’re eating, or where you’re going, or what you’re buying, or even whom your hanging out with…so in such cases…you can just grin and bear her comments…and then do your own thing when you’re away from her.
If you and husband are going to be living with MIL…then I don’t know what to tell you here. Don’t have the experience. However, my guess is that your husband would be “key” in alleviating the tension. You can attempt to discuss this tricky topic with him…but you’ll have to start it off in a positive way…(praising his mom, telling her how much she means to you)…so that he doesn’t shut down from the get-go…and then tell him that “I need your help with something but I’m afraid of offending you because that is not my intention”…then see how he responds…and then just tell him that “I try my best to honor your mom’s requests, but sometimes she wants me to do something immediately and on the spot…and I have something else going on at that time…and I would love to fulfill that request of hers at a later point…but I don’t want to offend her…and I need your help in how I should deal with this because I want to maintain a good relationship with her.” See what he says. Much of how the other person responds tends to depend on how you word it.
And even in dealing with your MIL…my gut feeling is that if you use a meethi zubaan…you’ll be able to get out of situations sometimes. For example you could tell her, “I love this outfit. But if I wear it right now, then it won’t be such a big surprise when I wear it for Eid or that upcoming party. And I really want to save this beautiful dress for then.” As in butter her up a bit before…to soften her up.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
That beeyotch sounds crazy. I don’t know how you feel about your future husband, but if you are set on marrying this man you need to get a backbone and communicate. Try to live away from her and get your own residence and tell him about living away from parents. However, she will still be in your life so you will have to learn to stand up for yourself and inform your husband about his crazy ass mom. Children should be critical of their parents when their parents are clearly doing wrong.
This is not our mother’s generation, you do not need to take a MIL’s ass beatings and you do not need to live in misery as long as she is alive.
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
If you’re husband to be is supportive of you and understanding then you’ve won half the battle.
The other half is to be extremely respectful yet draw the line with her.
Let her know you love and care for her but need some space and are an adult and can make your own decisions.
Don’t let anyone belittle you ever. Good luck 
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Some great advice here.
Let’s see, she will be living with me for some time. That right now is indefinite.
She tells me not to eat out because her daughter isn’t allowed to eat chaska foods because of her medical condition, so if I eat out she will feel bad, hence I should stop.
The husband-to-be, doesn’t want to say even No to his mom. Any complaining is off limits about mom.
I tried sweet talking and saying I’ll wear it later, she acted as if she was dumb and started her rant , by nodding her head forcefully , straightening her back and saying. Nhi abi pehno. Pehn k rkhna. Penny raho. At least five times.
Then after she left, I was asked to send her a picture wearing the gift. @Melodrama yes we all want our gifts to be appreciated and I always say how pretty they are and wear them. If she knows I wear them every time, why must she force me. And the question isn’t about gifts, its about her attitude that her every demand should be fulfilled even if they are about my personal
choices.
I talked to my mom. She says the next time it happens, she will see what to do.
Ugh why can’t people live without interfering in others lives!
Re: Fear of SAS - to - be
Nip it in the bud and say no when you need to politely but firmly..
You should never feel obliged to go along with something you don’t like or feel comfortable with.. unless in ten/fifteen years time you want to end up bitter and then in twenty treating your own dil the same way 