dictionary def: Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
my dads def: anyone somehow, somewhere related to us anyway possible
I have grown up listening to things like your cousins are like your siblings, your uncles are like your father, your aunts like your mother n how in Islam we are never suppose to turn our face from the family and how they have rights n if i ever need anything they are the ppl that would be there for me after my immidiate family bla bla bla..u name it, i have heard it from my dad. Its funny how i used to believe him too but offcourse over the years, I am starting to realize how wrong my dad is..n now its like i only have a few relatives left. Everyone had an idea about me with someone, but no one really knew for sure n i think last week my dad told everyone that it was final n stuff..since then my cousins who used to call me like everyday(i never picked up), left like offline msgs on yahoo, wrote me emails now dont have the money to get on the net, if they do come online, they dont even msg, my aunts who used to be after my parents to talk to me dont even ask how i am doing, my family here hasnt even said congrats instead they talk about how it would be better if i married someone in the family!!! My nani ami, khalas, mamoon like two cousins r probably the only ones that showed any sign of hapiness..when i talk to my dad about this hes like well wat else did u expect? I dont get it, my whole life he couldnt stop teaching me to love them n respect them, now that hes wrong he still wants me to respect them the way i did?
They all know this means more to me than anythign else in the world, doesnt it to everyone? and they cant even say “congrats” ?? sarre howe log
but u just gotta go on wit ur life...u love ur man, marry him and be happy. As long as your immediate family, ur parents and siblings are there for you, then you shouldn't worry. I cannot wait to have a family of my own, tho i worry like crazy. I don't want my kids to ever know this...
you know i've noticed... you mentioned ur moms relatives being happy for you... a lot of children are closer to their mothers side fo the family than their fathers side...sorry yeah its offtopic but I just noticed that....everyone I know has better relations with their maternal side rather than thier paternal..
Tikhi I know. No one has even congratulated me on getting married. I've talked to them on the phone and they were like how are you, how's your sister, when are you guys coming to Pakistan. Why not ask about him and when he's coming? Or even make an effort to get to know him or his family? They've done nothing. They've never even mentioned him!!! It wasn't like they were trying to get me married to someone in the family but still, it has made me so hurt.
To make it worse, my cousin (khala's beti) got married around the same time I did, a few weeks difference, and they were all over her wedding, getting excited about it and stuff. The contrast between the hooplah over her wedding and over mine (none) was amazing.
I was so disapointed, still am. It made me realize that they aren't really my "family".
I hate our stupid culture and it's emphasis on getting married within family. I hate that our families will never be close. But we have to make ours close okay? I don't wanna become freakin strangers and be the type that calls on Eid and births and say fake salams and fake congratulations.
how come though? was it cuz urs was here? with me i can understand. They wanted to use me to make their brothers’ or sons life better and i dont wanna say it, but some of my relatives are jealous cuz i get everything i want.
btw i dont if i showed it or not, but i was really excited when u guys got married, the whole time i kept wishing i could be there
Tikhi I don't know why they reacted that way (or rather, didn't react at all) but I think it's cuz the whole family is big on marrying cousins. I was the first girl to get married outside of it, and then there was the fact that it was a love marriage. And to some people, it just isn't important to get to know the family. I guess they see it as us thinking that they weren't good enough for me to be married within the family so why should they get to know his. Stupid mentality, but they have no idea how much it hurts. I mean these are the people who are supposed to care.
So yeah I know how you feel, although Inshallah with you I hope they come around. If you have yours in Pakistan, I am sure you will see different, more positive reactions.
And I know you were excuted when we did, I'm excited about you guys as well :p and I am waiting for the invitation, so baat pakki karo larki.
hmmm I dont know about that considering the fact they were all expecting me to marry in the family n even though they know that my dad has made up his mind, they still keep putting ideas into his head and I am prepared to get crap about the whole love marriage thing, i know its coming
ohh tikhi you had a love marriage..
sarahs- your relatives got pissed at u cus you got married here instead of pakistan.
my cousins are gonna hate me whenever i get married. haha no in family marriage for me.
i think when something like this happens you know all the people who dont care enough about u, so you can make them into a tiny tiny part of your life.
and if anything like that happend i think only 1 or 2 of my COUSINS (maybe my mamou, in texas) would be one my side from my moms side of the family. ( and theres a huge family, most in pakistan , only ONE cousin ever talks to me on a regular basis. and my dads side haha im not that close, but than again there not the polictics filled, jelous, grudge holding type, maybe cus its all brothers.
Be glad you discovered the true self of such relatives now as opposed
to ten further years down the road. Trusting someone for fifty years, fulfilling
your kinship obligations towards them all your life, only to find out
that you've wasted all your life after an unworthy cause gotta hurt much more.
Be happy you found out when you did and not a minute later. Move on with
your life, at least you'll have no regrets on your part.
Read all of the above and you guys are not the only ones this has happened to....I wanna join this club too.
What I'd also like to add is that these relatives (if they are abroad in Paks) are probably not going to have very much to in any of your lives, just treat them a acquaintances and treat them with respect.
If they do try to influence your parents and you're lucky enough to have parents who dont live there lives according to these people they knew and respected twenty/thirty years ago ...... then dont bother wasting your time and energy stressing about.
hey Tikki, I knew you were engaged, whens your wedding?
Thats really surprising that people arent saying congrats. I mean you do that out of politeness no matter who you choose to marry. Maybe you guys didnt inform them in the correct manner or invite them to the functions?
Sweety fcuk everyone around, they are just damn ass jealous that you found the person you want and are in love with and you got to choose that person. People are just jealous because they cant do that. So if anyone hates you, just hold your head up high and be happy, because they are just jealous.
Tikhi, I'm sorry that your family is behaving this way, I know how you feel all you want is there blessings and instead you have to deal with this. But you know what I agree with your dad, regardless of what someone does to you, you shouldn’t stoop to their level; instead just distance yourself from them until they come to their senses. Being mean is not going to bring any sort of peace to you; instead it will just be an ongoing battle. You have the love and support of your, parents, fiance, and siblings, what more can a gal ask for. Cheer up.
TJ, for me, my parents are everything to me. if ur parents are okay with u being married to who u want then other's dont matter. rishtedaars are secondary n certainly shudnt be important enuf to have influence on u.
Jealousy amongst families is all too common in desis. When they're rude or gossip its all because they are trying to put you down for something you have that they don't, especially when it comes to marriage. Best thing to do is to rub it in further :p Let them see you openly happy with your partner. Wear your best clothes in front of them and watch the sheer horror unfold on their faces :)
And in all, as the rest have said above, families are just cultural baggage. You don't have to please or do anything for them. They are not an integral part of your everyday life that dictates your happiness and destiny. Only you and your Rub do.
