The other thread about the husband that wants to take a month long European vacation without his wife and child reminded me of another story that I heard recently. Thought I’d share with you guys and see how you would resolve the dispute…
Couple has been married for several years…have a couple of kids under ten. Both husband and wife hold down full-time jobs and both have the standard 2 weeks of vacation that they can take per year.
Both sets of parents are elderly and have health issues. Her’s live nearby while his live in India alone.
The issue begins when the question of where to vacation comes up. He invariably insists on using his two weeks to go and visit his parents each year; understandable. She and the kids have accompanied him in the past however, according to her, this really isn’t the way she or the kids wish to spend their annual vacation each and every year. (There is also the issue of cost because tickets to India are way more expensive than to other vacation spots.)
She has suggested that either while he is away or when he returns, she would like to take a vacation with the kids to the Caribbean or Disney but he objects saying he would be missing out. He insists that she is just doing this as a “tit for tat” reaction to his trip to see his parents. He claims that his trip is not a ‘vacation’ per say and that she should not think of it as that. In fact, he goes there to fulfil his obligation as a good son and this does not a holiday make.
She claims that this leaves her with either no option to vacation or at very best to take the time off from work and spend it at home.
Neither seems to be willing to see the other side in this matter.
Do you see a solution to their vacation woes?
Why don't they do a week at his parents and then spend their remaining week of holiday time elsewhere, somewhere she wants to go?
They BOTH need to compromise here
Because it is unreasonable to expect that you can travel from North America to the subcontinent and spend only three days there before you leave for somewhere else again.
: | It all sounds rather stressful, for no good reason.
Either they each compromise a little, or one gives in one year and the other gives in the following year, or they just do one big family holiday where their parents come along too.
What they can do is that the whole family goes to the UAE (there's Ferrari land and lots of fun things to do, spend +- a week) and the husband from there goes to India while wifey and kids back to the Us/Canada ?
How about if she really really wants her vacation time and the husband wants to be there too then they save money for his parents tickets so they can fly over and live them for a month or whatever. That way they can have their vacation (at a later time) and he can spend time with his parents when they visit him. I think if the wife's main objective is to enjoy her vacation then she would compromise with this solution. If however her objective is to get out of ever having to confront her in laws then she wont be happy with this either.
Perhaps they should visit his family in India and then go for a vacation in Goa or Srilanka for a few days? Those places are beautiful and exotic and it wouldn't cost much to go there from India. And it wouldn't take long to go there either.
Can't they just take a few more days off even its unpaid? 2 weeks is nothing.
parents can't watch kids....they are both too elderly and have numerous health related issues.
the health related issues also prevent them from being able to travel very much or for long.
agreed....2 weeks off is nothing......additional days off are not possible for two reasons....their roles at work prevent them from being able to be away for long and they are on a strict budget as well so they need the work as much as the work needs them.
I don't think the wife is avoiding the inlaws...she's been there a few times....the kids however do tend to get sick whenever they go so she finds herself nursing them rather than being able to enjoy the time away.
tough isn't it?
I've been trying to wrap my head around this but both parties have valid positions.....
If I were in that situation I would do vacationing in India. I am sure India has a lot of tourist spots catering to the north American clients. And take the parents along with them. They could start planning ahead for some unpaid time for next year so they can actually have a vacation
He does not need to go to India every year, I think. One year India, next year family vacation.
But to be honest, this seems to me more of an ego war from both sides than a logistic issue. Between them, they can work longer hours before and after vacation time, which could easily buy them two three extra days. So if they take seven working days one time with couple of flex days before and after, and then three working days later that year, with couple of flex days before and after, and they could tie those vacation days with long weekends, they could have two very wonderful breaks, one for India trip and another for the family vacation.
Sasha.....I think you're posting in the wrong thread.
TLK....I agree.....I think egos are definitely in play here. And your suggestion that they put in some overtime hours to gain a few extra flex days is very feasible.
What they can do is that the whole family goes to the UAE (there's Ferrari land and lots of fun things to do, spend +- a week) and the husband from there goes to India while wifey and kids back to the Us/Canada ?
They need to take turns. I think husbands being a little unfair, doesn't want to go anywhere except India and won't let wife go without him. If they have gone to India every other year then he should be either willing to go alone this year and let the kids stay back and do a Disney trip or something. If he wants to join them then he has to decide what he wants to do but let the wife and kids enjoy their vacation time too if they won't get more time. Or divide it up, do a week in Disney and fly from there to India even if it is for a total of five days or so. Or they start a vacation somewhere for a week together and husband from there goes to India after spending some time with their kids. It doesn't seem that complicated but one of them needs to give or hubby just needs to let his kids have their vacation one year.
Would the wife be willing to go gallivanting off on vacation if it was her parents she couldn't visit?
Very good point and I asked this question of her.
She replied that she would have no qualms whatsoever about her hubby taking the kids on a vacation that they would enjoy rather than spending it with the grandparents each and every year or not having one at all.
They need to take turns. I think husbands being a little unfair, doesn't want to go anywhere except India and won't let wife go without him. If they have gone to India every other year then he should be either willing to go alone this year and let the kids stay back and do a Disney trip or something. If he wants to join them then he has to decide what he wants to do but let the wife and kids enjoy their vacation time too if they won't get more time. Or divide it up, do a week in Disney and fly from there to India even if it is for a total of five days or so. Or they start a vacation somewhere for a week together and husband from there goes to India after spending some time with their kids. It doesn't seem that complicated but one of them needs to give or hubby just needs to let his kids have their vacation one year.
this really makes sense......start the vacation together and he can go off to see parents while the mother and kids finish up and head home.
I know what his objection is going to be.....that 1 week with the parents is not enough.
