I got a tiny taste of it during my trip back in June. My sister in law’s changed a lot, when she first came since she was not raised in the United States, she was humble and very considerate but after being here for years and getting a good job that paid good money and having a little girl and boy…getting the perfect family she’s changed 180 degrees into someone I don’t recognize anymore. Before she would be the farthest away from making any kind of huge drama or screaming, over reacting over small issues now she’s the drama queen and not very considerate at all. Before she used to wish me for the big holiday or just call to talk and I saw her as my sweetest sister. This past Eid, when I called them up, she just took the phone to tell me that I owed her more money than I paid her for the event and when I said Eid Mubarak she was like “yeah okay” and she just said bye. i sent the check immediately and ended up paying more than she said just so my sis in law would be back to being how she was before.
Now after she did a couple things that were so rude and inconsiderate, I don’t even feel like talking or being around her. I keep obsessing about if there was something I did wrong. It’s really started to be like those desi soap opera deals.
I grew up around all men, brothers, cousins were all men, I even work with all men…thank god.
I’m just thinking I’m not cut out to deal with family drama, gossip, misguidance, brain washing, backstabbing. I like things simple and straight forward and if it makes sense and is logical great. If someone even starts to go into drama queen mode with me, I just shut off, don’t react, and get out of the room…or most likely cry after the whole thing goes down.
Maybe she's having trouble with your brother and you're just the scapegoat.
Can I say my brother loves her a lot? When she did go into drama queen mode and was screaming at the top of her lungs with me in shocked mode, he was right there seeing everything, he didn't say anything in my defense which in my opinion was the right thing to do. He stayed quiet and actually kind of took her side which is fine and a husband should always take the wife's side when it comes to anything even if she is wrong or over dramatic. Even if she used me as a scapegoat or whatever, I still love both of them, I just feel really really uncomfortable around her just in case there is another very dramatic moment where I'm left in a "what the..." moment. I just want the my old sis in law back. He always loved her so much and always put her on top and I admired their marriage because he is a very good husband to her.
Doesn't matter if he loves her. They could be having problems regardless of that like a secret miscarriage, depression, sudden compatibility issues. Unfortunately the in laws are the easiest people to demonise. Someone could also be lying to her about you.
Have you not asked your brother what the issue is? I don't have siblings but my relationship with my cousins is that I can ask them in private if their spouse goes ballistic on me. If you don't want him to go behind her back you could frame your question about if she needs space from you or is there anything different she wants from you.
I know a couple of people with whom conversations are like walking on eggshells. I have stopped communicating with them or at least initiating contact. It isn't worth it.
May be she is more busy now than she used to be? She is working (full time ??), kids are growing perhaps getting more demanding as far as time is concerned? I used to talk to my relatives back home every weekend when I was single or before the birth of our 2 kids. We had lot of time on hand. Now I hardly get a chance to talk to them in months. Does not remotely mean that I don't love them anymore. Its just not possible to call them and talk to them like I used to earlier.
The right thing for him to do, if he didn’t want to come in your business, would have been to stay quiet all together and not take anyone’s side. In a perfect scenario he would have talked to his wife afterwards - based on your side of the story here - and cleared the air, which he clearly didn’t do. Plus that’s probably what has gotten to her head. So while your brother probably is a good guy, he’s not a very good or balanced husband and brother.
I don’t know why desi people feel being given a free card to talk crap to anyone is the first sign of a good spouse, it isn’t. A good spouse is suppose to make you a better person, not a BS head.
I want to try to look past it but it looks like she still wants it to keep going with this since her interaction with me the last couple times has been cold and she doesn’t talk to me.
yeah I know that they might be busy and it isn’t a big deal since It does get crazy sometimes. They only live a few states away in the US. We’re all in the same country. I mean an Eid mubarak back doesn’t take a lot of syllables does it instead of “yeah okay”. Oh well she’s changed.
Obviously it would take paragraphs to explain what happened but it was the tiniest situation of I was asking her opinion on how the hair stylist would do it if i just wanted to shape the hair, it wasn’t that I was definitely cutting my hair, sis in law kept insisting that it should be cut and that it is not a big deal, I like my hair long and didn’t want it cut since it took months for me to get it to this length, she’s just become really controlling and I was just asking, when she insisted like the 6th time and the hair stylist was getting ready to cut it, I felt like i was being cornered by her even if I didn’t even want it cut in the first place. i blurted out “i’m going to get naraz if she does cut it” since everything else i was saying wasn’t working to make them stop. That’s what set her off into screaming at me me in front of my dad and brother.
When I said that my brother came to her defense, I mean he inferred that I should’ve gotten it cut. I’m not really into being forced to doing something I really don’t want to do. It was the stupidest thing in the world and I don’t know why it got blown outta proportion into her pointing and screaming at me about wasting her time when I asked her why she was getting so angry about it. The hair stylist lived right below the building we were staying at so it wasn’t like 5 hour drive there.
Anyways, that's why I opened the thread, I can't imagine living with her now because she's become a bit controlling. How do people react so calmly to the drama or react to it in a diplomatic way. The words we say obviously matter a lot or must we just stay quiet all the time and just let people relieve their stress on us and then wait until they are calmer to address the issue?
How would any of you handle any family drama situations?
Anyways, that's why I opened the thread, I can't imagine living with her now because she's become a bit controlling. How do people react so calmly to the drama or react to it in a diplomatic way. The words we say obviously matter a lot or must we just stay quiet all the time and just let people relieve their stress on us and then wait until they are calmer to address the issue?
How would any of you handle any family drama situations?
all families get into arguments sometimes, but just maybe not so frequently or over as little things as you're mentioning. Has your brother noticed a change in her behaviour? Is she different towards all family members or only you?
It was not a fight. A fight is when both people are screaming at each other. I was just waiting for her to finish yelling and then I quietly went in my room and the tears started pouring out. Yeah maybe I should have let them chop all my hair off...I mean it's my hair. She just recently started acting like that...about two years ago.
All families have drama. This situation seems like a silly argument that went way too far and situation got out of hand. Dont freak out. These kinds of things can happen. It seems like there may have been something else troubling everyone but the case of your hair turned into an outlet for everyone.
This just doesnt apply for family but almost every relationship you have. Sometimes situations can get the better of people and they can react very harshly and surprisingly.
That or your bhabi is acting very immature and your brother is tending to her seemingly childish needs.
Didn't read the hair cut post. Its length (the post, not the hair) reminded me of another poster. But I digress.
Maybe this is the real her. The first few years were the honeymoon years - where she put on a charming front. She has serious issues. The sooner you get away from WANTING her to continue to be your proxy elder sister, the better.
Take the relationship as it comes. If things get better or worse, adjust. But don't wish and hope for things being better between the two of you. Misbah might start scoring fast before that happens.
