Anyone been in a situation where they’ve been in love or even just been seeing someone they knew was ‘wrong’ for them or their family (could be ‘wrong’ as in culture, race, caste or even just his/her family background or personal lifestyle)?
Also, was thinking about the other thread where a few posters were saying they would never marry outside their culture whether it was for their family or just themselves.. **Has anyone who thinks this way ever fallen for an ‘outsider’ and if so how did you deal with it? **
First guy 'I fell' for was muslim and pakistani but was 'wrong' because we our family backgrounds were completely different and caused problems between us and our values and thinking also another thing was He came from a very punjabi family and i come from a very urdu speaking family and it actually did bring up some cultural differences. These difference came in the way for us. But we ended it mainly because he wasnt right as a person or in the head.
Second guy I thought i feel for wasnt muslim so I couldnt really allow myself to take it anywhere. But he turned out to be wrong in the head- bit of a devdas ( i think i need a restraining order now )
yeah, there was only one guy. we weren't even dating. we were friends but we quickly crossed into that weird gray area where you aren't really friends but you're not really together either (I'm pretty conservative and didn't want to...do any of that stuff). He was muslim and desi. He was just a little confused because I felt like he hadn't been brought up in a very conservative family but whenever he was around me he never did anything haram. In fact, our hanging out consisted of going to dinner with friends...then I realized he was psycho and stopped talking to him. That's when I started hearing about him clubbing/going out with these nangi girls/sleeping with hindu girls (no one muslim at our school even talked to him at this point)/drinking excessively etc. It was really hard to get over mostly because I knew the feeling was mutual. But aH God gave me the strength to, and looking back I don't know what I was thinking.
I always had a thing for blue/green eyes and light skin mundas.... *sigh...
There is this lawyer that i work with. I lose my train of thoughts when i am talking to him or discussing a case with him.....
you develop crushes and then they some how vanish in the thin air.
When I was naive and stupid, yes. I did. I fell for the wrong person despite many warning signs. It was devastating for me and my family to see me in so much pain because I had to end things.
Sometimes, what we consider a "fight" is actually a signal from Allah swt telling us not to move ahead with something. I failed to see that. After a long road to recovery I now understand why things happened the way they did...and am okay with it.
If it doesn't work out well in the end or its not meant to happen, its because we fell for the wrong person and so many of us have done it once, so have I.
Sometimes we only get to know the fact that the person is 'wrong' after commitment or marriage. Such types of wrongs include differences in personality, values, views and opinions etc. Such wrong decisions lead to engagement or marriage break up which are more painful. Other wrongs like wrong religion, wrong caste (including religious sect) etc are easily known since the moment we first meet a person. So these types of wrongs can be easily avoided if a person is mature enough to think that a person with different religion, caste etc will not be acceptable to his/ her family. We all know what kind of person will acceptable to our family and thus we can be careful.
…we should all learn a lesson from this…that if we have felt for the wrong person in the past…that we dont try and make sombody else fall for us who, on the contrary, we may be wrong or uncompatible for. As in the long run, similar to before, this kind of relation is also destined to failure.
Yep I did fall for the wrong person but when I realised, I left everything but the psycho did not leave me alone and caused big problems with my family..
Long story short, I'm over it now and am very glad things turned out this way..
I think it is quite disrespectful labelling anyone as a 'pyscho'.
Starting a relationship, showing somone the dreams of being togther till eternity...blah blah blah.. using them; thier money, energy and time. In effect changing them in every way to suit you..
Then is, without a good excuse dumping them or 'moving on'..., really 'normal' or 'right'.
Leaving the opposite party in the middle of a mess... its natural that they would like to know what they did wrong or what happned.
And this is not to mention that girls have never turned pshyco..it was in the uk papers this week that a wife shot her husband dead for cheating on her..and this was highly educated and esteemed couple you know...
Do such guys have personality disorders or are they really truly madly in love in the girl that they can't get over her? It may be that the girl thought the guy was wrong for her but the guy thought it was a perfect match. Of course, there has to be willingness from both sides for a relationship. But it may be that the guys are really in love with the girl (if love ever exists in this world) that they can't move on easily.
[HR][/HR]^You make it sound as tho it's just the girls when we all know that in places like the UK a lot of boys get up to **much **worse behind their parents' backs - and then have the nerve to run back to mummy and daddy to get someone 'pure.'
Second guy I thought i feel for wasnt muslim so I couldnt really allow myself to take it anywhere. But he turned out to be wrong in the head- bit of a devdas ( i think i need a restraining order now )
This is what I was wondering.. How hard it is to switch those feelings off or put them to the back of your mind? Even moreso if it's someone you might see at college or uni everyday or even a neighbour..
its not surpising all the girls have their own falling-for stories and are mentioning them here lol.
this is the reason i joined gs, to figure out how many pakistani girls have been involved with namehram guys in one sense or the other ... lol ...
When I see the complexities and problems involved with arranged rishta settings, I really think there is no wrong in choosing a person on our own. When girls like me are rejected by guys' parents on mere reasons like caste and when we get to know that their sons usually don't have any problems with these issues, it would be great if a Pakistani girl gets a proposal from her own circle. Dating just for the purpose of fun is not good. But if a girl is marriagable and a decent guy approaches her, there is no harm in considering if her family allows her to. A lot of desi guys consider their female friends, class fellows and colleagues when they start thinking about marriage. Why would you doubt the character the Pakistani girls if someone had approached them for marriage purpose? This shows that they had been good enough that guys considered them for marriage and I think guys do look for sharafat when they consider any girl and they wouldn't approach any girl if they think she is not 'shareef'. I guess guys have this instinct and they can identify the sharafat in girl by judging how she is conducting herself in front of him and others. So don't try to assasinate the character of Pakistani girls who got proposals on their own and married someone they knew.
