Hi all,
As I’m writing this story I’m struggling with many things.. Can’t share it with the people around me so I’m sort of looking for opinions from outsiders or maybe I just wanna share my story… May it be a example for other people. I doubt if anyone will read the whole story but lets give it a try..
Around May 2011 I got a message from a Pakistani boy living in london whom I didn’t know, so a stranger back then. Normally whenever I got messages from strangers I wouldn’t reply back, but this time I did reply back for some unknown reason. Since then we kept talking and talking, in the beginning I would send approx. 3-4 messages a day, but as time progressed we both were sending quite a lot messages on a single day from waking up till going to sleep. I turned 20 in december and he will be 23 in May..
First he did tend to react in a rude way, but his behavior changed with time. I never thought of blocking him or ending our conversations. At a given point me started to like him, and then I don’t mean ‘‘like’’ but ‘‘like like’’, but I didn’t admit. He said he tested me out by observing my reaction when he was playing what he calls his Key Game, to find out if I was what he was looking for, by freaking me out. According to him I passed his game after admitting I was having headaches because of him.
As we went further I realized I was neglecting my friends, family to a certain point and last but not least my studies. I failed every exam and stopped hanging out with friends, only to answer his replies. I didn’t regret what I was doing then because I wanted to talk with him whenever I was able to talk. Yes, I was severe addicted to Facebook..
When we would talk/discuss about the ‘future’ I once told him it will take me 3 years more to complete my Bachelor. He reacted different than I had expected, he found 3 years too long. That was the moment I started to freak out and panic about the idea of losing him to someone else (he was studying in london but was talking about going back to Karachi). The distance was the main problem, that’s why I didn’t want him to go back. In the end I gave up and said to him I would talk to my parents within 1 year ( so around April-May 2012 ) and that I was willing to complete my studies in london before moving to Karachi. He agreed. But sometimes he would start asking me why I wanted to continue studying because I had studied enough, according to him. I always tried to convince him that I really want to have a degree, you never know what the future will gonna bring, and I decided long time ago I don’t want to be financially dependent on a man and yes I wanted to make my parents proud for obtaining a degree as a daughter of immigrants.. Still we don’t have a ‘‘plan’’ but I will see when he will meet my parents.
I had requested him to come to my place to meet the person he was talking to all those months. He said he would, but later he copied my request and asked me to travel to london, since it would be easier for me especially because he works and has a visa. Since I didn’t dare to take such a huge step, I told him I really can’t. He tried a lot, but I didn’t ‘‘obey’’. Then we planned that he would come after his last exams in the end of 2011. When he got his results it turned out he had failed almost every exam and so he said he had no other choice then going back to Karachi, because they wouldn’t extend his visa after failing. While I was freaking out and fighting, he tried to comfort me by saying that going back to Karachi doesn’t mean he will leave me. But it didn’t reassured me, so for me he decided to talk to another college and they were ready to enroll him. His problem was that he didn’t shared his failed exams and his results with his family in Pak, because he knew his mom would ask him to come back sharafat se. ( His mom knows about my existence) He started behaving weird and hiding things so we were constantly fighting, finally after him having an outburst he admitted he had tensions. He needed money, but obviously couldn’t ask his parents because they would know immediately that he had failed. Now I realize how sweet that was, and I never thanked him yet I didn’t stop acting like a Drama Queen.
During our conversations he tried to end the conversations a few times, so did I. But we kept talking. Reasons for him to stop were 3-4 things: he asked me to send a whole pic but I sent a cropped pic, he wanted to talk over the phone but that didn’t happen either, he asked me to travel to london but I didn’t listen and he also complains about me not talking to my parents now and my eternal waiting. I didn’t listen because I was angry, he only seemed to care about his requests but I had only one simple request that wasn’t going to happen anyway. I admit it was 99% my fault for being stubborn, and now I realize he had/has too much patience with me.
I was disappointed when I heard he couldn’t come to meet me so I was kinda lost and confused as well. After some weeks I tried to convince myself to travel to the uk for one day, because that was the only option left.. I’m still waiting with booking flight as I need to do some things and planning to go next month.
He repeatedly asked me to talk to my parents as soon as possible, and that I didn’t need to wait till Summer 2012. Main reason for me waiting was that I wanted to finish this college year and then I would move to london. Especially now I failed almost every exam this year, he says I’m just wasting time and money over there which is true.. This caused a lot of argues and fights, as we both are really stubborn. Then I decided I will talk to my parents after meeting him, which I’m planning to do in April Insha’Allah.
Sometimes he tend to behave like a stranger (in my eyes) and when I start to complain he suddenly get offended and replies with ‘’ leave it, you never got me’’. That ain’t true because I really know him, that’s why it freaks me out sometimes that this is how he can be. I understand he is angry because of my speed and neverending thinking but I can’t help it. I still act like a Drama Queen because I fear he will run away just when I’m totally lost and also struggling with uni. He said I’m just overreacting and he won’t go anywhere without me.. Since some days he sort of ignores me and I don’t message either, still because of this fear that he will leave.
Right now I don’t know what I’m doing.. Or what to do.. He became so close in those months, all I’m thinking is I don’t wanna loose him. Am I gone crazy or is it normal?
the OP is in LDR with a guy living in london. After chatting for idontknowhowlong she is planning to go see him in london as he might not come over.
