Is it just me, or has there been a spike in the toxic in law (TIL) stories on this forum? Maybe it’s just me. I realize that with the type of conversation revolving around TILs in my own community…well perhaps I’ve just become more sensitive about it.
So I thought for all the people who are getting engaged, I would start a thread reassuring them that they should take heart. For every insanely horrible story we hear, there are also some wonderful ones out there.
I’ll start.
I cover my hair. Not many women in hubby’s family do. Not only has no one from my inlaws side ONCE made a snide or negative remark (something which I’ve had to deal with off and on since I started covering), but my awesome MIL sent me a bunch of gorgeous new scarves and long skirts when the engagement was finalized, and matching hijabs for each and every outfit she purchased for the wedding celebrations (including my wedding outfit). I thought that was incredibly thoughtful.
When hubby and I went overseas for the valima, every morning, my MIL would fix me a paratha, an egg and hot tea and we would sit and chat over breakfast. I always asked her to not go to so much trouble, and she would just laugh and continue to fix me breakfast every morning I was there.
My FIL while extremely kind, is not the most emotional/demonstrative of men. He does not do hugs. And of course I am the type who is totally into hugging. After nearly knocking the poor man down the first few times after the wedding (I always go all out with hugs), everytime I see him, he has this huge smile on his face and opens his arms wide. I know this may sound silly, but I miss my father (he passed away a few years ago) and my FIL reminds me of him…so hugging him is a bit like hugging Baba.
So please share. Let’s hear about some of your fabulous experiences with your inlaws.
**hugging is good. but our culture restricts hugs between mahram and non mahrams so we can understand the hesitation * as long as u have love of ur FIL its great...expressed or not! :)
i don't have in-laws yet coz in terms of relationships i'm an OUT-LAW hehe lol
^Culture? Ok yeah. In desi society, a DIL hugging an FIL is frowned upon. Islamically, an FIL is mahram so there's nothing wrong with it. And so I shall continue to hug him. I've never concerned myself too much with what desi culture deems proper/improper. Quite a lot of it, unfortunately, is plain wrong (in my opinion).
:)
Back to the topic at hand. Any good stories to share anybody?
^Culture? Ok yeah. In desi society, a DIL hugging an FIL is frowned upon. Islamically, an FIL is mahram so there's nothing wrong with it. And so I shall continue to hug him. I've never concerned myself too much with what desi culture deems proper/improper. Quite a lot of it, unfortunately, is plain and wrong (in my opinion).
:)
Back to the topic at hand. Any good stories to share anybody?
^Go for it! Just leave out the names to protect the innocent.
;)
**
offcourse. it's about my bro.
we lived in a village in india. i was born N raised there and upto age 14 i didn't even know how to speak urdu let alone any other language [we spoke our regional language called Bhojpuri]. i didn't even go to any school until i was in grade 10 so u can imagine how i must have been. i did everything in the last 16 years...did all the degrees that i have today. anyhow, keeping that in mind imagine when i went with my bro to his sasural [inlaws' home] in Bombay to see his wud be wife. i didn't understand a word what they were talking and all of a sudden his the girl came in wearing jeans, sleevless, and not shy at all. OMG i lost my footage and sort of tipped over. i asked my bro is she a girl? if she si why is she wearing men's clothes. he said yes she is but she is different. she is from the big city so shut up lol. she talked to every1. my bro liked her and married her. now she is my bhabhi and i live with her. the way she was is a thing of the past. she is the most loving n caring person i know of. she took care of me after my parents passed away. she is like my mom to me. a great lady. i wish every1 has a bhabhi like mine :) may Allah bless her aameen**
I came to my soon to be in laws house once and i was quite tired, and one of my nands took me to a side and said r u ok, u look so tired and she called my other nand i said no im ok just tired.
They were like noo u should like after urself n so on and they both dragged me upstairs and told me to lie down and massaged me from my head to my feet..! i kept telling them im ok and they replied saying we dont our bhabi to be just ok we want her to be great...!
that was really nice of them to do that... but then again there always lovely to me... :)
I don't have in laws yet, but have a bhabi so I'm the 'evil' SIL lol but no my bhabi has never once had to complain about anything since shes been here, and mashallah thats going to be 6 years next month :) its like shes always been here, and being the only daughter shes been like a sister to me. i could sit here all day telling you stories, but the best one has to be the time we were planning on going on vacation to Pakistan, it was only supposed to be me and my mum but bhabi had been feeling really homesick so we suprised her with a ticket too :) we told her not to tell her family back home, so we flew to karachi and got her a ticket to lahore, rang her family and told them, we (me and my mum) were coming to visit so can someone pick us up at this date/time from the airport. and then when the day came, her dad came to pick 'us' up from the airport and was greeted by her daughter and grandson :D she got home, rang us and told us about how EVERYONE cried because they were so shocked and happy. my mums philosphy has always been, she'll treat her daughter in laws like her daughters, cause that how she wants her daughter to be treat when she gets married. shes a smarttt women.
I don't have specific stories to tell but my in-laws are lovely too :) Whenever I visit Pakistan, my MIL always has new joraas ready for me, praises me and gives me a lot of attention. She never lets me spend any money when we go shopping and she loves my only daughter sooooo much. My nands are also awesome, they take care of my daughter, play with her and love her like anything, they also give me a lot of respect and we're like friends :).
My Brothers in law, however are typical Pakistani males, "lazy bums" ordering the servants around and super conservative but they respect me and I've never had any problems with them.
Every gharana has choti moti problems, but I'm happy I dont have those typical chalak, toxic in-laws (Allah ka shukar hai).
Thats very nice of mistral to start such a nice thread! Personally I think we all shud be little more mature to discuss horrible stories about inlaws. We r now in 21st century and we shud be discussing real issues world wide. And we shud try to help those out who really needs help like people who have lost their lives and homes. Well I think its all depend how an individual response to certain situations or how u take meaning of something toward u. In a recent survey it says people who have degrees or are more educated less likely get into relationship problem such as inlaws. Once u learn how to forgive or to communicate directly to settle ur life then u wont see such problems.
Back to question i am getting married soon and my in laws are very nice and educated. I have bound a relationship with my inlwas with respect and love, i have understanding with every person from my side.I m hoping to not to see these problems in my future. But also i have less expectation so when they will do little less than my expectation or little more i will be fine in both way. I think once u show love and respect eventuaally u regain it back. Hope to read some positive replies here about in laws.
Great thread Mistral.
Not a story here but I like my Father in law a lot. I find him to be a very respectful man. Parents in law are in Pakistan now. Were here for the wedding. But whenever we went out he always made a point of opening the door for me & holding it. Although I would politely ask him not to do it. Even if we sat in a car he almost always opened the door for me.
He once had to talk to my hubby in private which I totally respect. He actually asked me if he could borrow by husband for 10 minutes. I thought it was kind of cute & very thoughtful of him to do something like that. If he hadn't done that it might not have made any difference but the fact that he did it just made me look at him in a very different manner.
oh & also I think I am the favorite "nawasi in law" My Nani saas cares a lot for me. Whenever I am with her she always makes sure I am well fed & taken good care of. If she goes out of the country she always makes a point of bringing something really nice for me. I just love her & admire her a lot.
Thats very nice of mistral to start such a nice thread! Personally I think we all shud be little more mature to discuss horrible stories about inlaws. We r now in 21st century and we shud be discussing real issues world wide. And we shud try to help those out who really needs help like people who have lost their lives and homes. Well I think its all depend how an individual response to certain situations or how u take meaning of something toward u. In a recent survey it says people who have degrees or are more educated less likely get into relationship problem such as inlaws. Once u learn how to forgive or to communicate directly to settle ur life then u wont see such problems.
Back to question i am getting married soon and my in laws are very nice and educated. I have bound a relationship with my inlwas with respect and love, i have understanding with every person from my side.I m hoping to not to see these problems in my future. But also i have less expectation so when they will do little less than my expectation or little more i will be fine in both way. I think once u show love and respect eventuaally u regain it back. Hope to read some positive replies here about in laws.
Women/Girls who have supporting husbands would not get into the depth of the problems with in laws. But if the husband is further away than the supportive kind, they dont have a choice. They have to fight for their rights and have to face all the crappy situations and have no choice but to get involved in these silly issues!
boy’s clothes?