Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

ok so the fight happend this way! i know this girl for freakin' ONE YEAR and i've talked to her on the phone every single day! She made many plans to see my and even waited outside of my college but i was like im not gonna come! I dunno she has this crappy mentality about her not getting what she wants and she whines about her future husband and whens he's gonna be Manager of this stupid store she works in! Ok so i was you are total crap mind man learn to control your desires and then she goes oh ok teach me how and im like im no sufi just do it lol like Nike :) so then she goes on to cry and tells me oh there is no one for me i am all alone whats gonna happen to me and all the while im getting bored to death and then she goes oh you wanna have sex with me? like out of the bloom and im like What? 0_O Then i ask her ok can you add me to your facebook so i can see your pictures? She hasn't added me to her facebook for over a year and this coming from a girl who told me she loved me asked me to have sex with her. So i got extremely angry at her for calling me her friend and not adding me to her Facebook, so i tell her you know what go to hell and i dont wanna be your friend. So she goes give me some time and im like How long do you need its been one freakin' year then she tells me of guys she's adding like crazy and they're telling her all the comments and im getting frustrated casue im not on her face book so i threaten to leave and she starts to cry really loudly over the phone. i hang up and i dont call her up for 2 whole weeks meanwhile she's text messaging me like crazy. So then i think to my self you know i shouldn't be calling her all that "Bollywood Emotions" (Cause she wants those desi movies and seriels i hate them) and shrugging her away and im thinking to my self that may be i can have a really good relationship with her because the whole year we only fought once! We have good chemistry so i dunno what to do man i really like her and if i start acting nice all of the sudden she'll think using her or some thing. Then i call her and said ok lets make a plan i wanna see you and she goes no you have some thing going on in your mind WTF IS THAT! Im confused help me out here.

forgive me for my bad English i have this really bad keyboard!

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  1. SHE’S THE ONE WHO ASKED TO HAVE SEX..…and you’re the one worried about USING HER??? :smack:

  2. SHE’S THE ONE who asked to have sex…and now SHE’S worried that YOU have something funny going on in your mind**???** :smack: :smack:

  3. Do you realize that this is just a cat and mouse game that you both are playing??? The girl didn’t add you to facebook because you turned her down. The girl tells you about all these guys who are commenting on her facebook as a way to make you jealous. And apparently it’s working. :smack: :smack: :smack:

  4. And now you need to figure out if you are interested in her because you are jealous…or because you like her?

  5. Just talk to her over the phone and show her respect and be patient. Once she sees that you respect and care about her over the phone, she’ll be more willing to meet you in person. This can’t be shown in one day, it will take some time. If you haven’t talked to her in a long time, then I suggest you both develop a friendship again as opposed to going straight for a relationship…because that will help you determine how you really feel about her.

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Yeah i did tell her this yesterday! Shes acting like confused and stuff so i go i want you now i can’t live like this i am thinking about you and in college i can’t concentrate and i want you as my girlfriend i just asked straight i didn’t gave a crap i was like what ever lets see what happens AND NOW LOOK what she says she’ll only have a relationship if i promise to Marry her! Im not sure i wanna do that kinda thing right now its too early and i also want to be with her. FREAKIN GIRLS MAN I DUNNO WTF IS THEIR PROBLEM?!!!

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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

If she can ask you to have sex with her, she can and she will ask someone else too and trust me not every guy is stupid to ignore this kinda request... ;)

RC

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In a way, i don't blame her. You know why? Because in our desi culture....just one false move can completely DESTROY a girl's reputation and hinder her chances of getting married in the future. For example, a desi guy can get a way with sleeping around with as many girls as he wants and will still manage to marry a decent girl. BUT..........a desi girl can sleep with a guy just once........and when word gets out...........her reputation goes down the toilet.

Another example: A desi guy can have as many girlfriends as he wants. But a desi girl even liking a guy.......let alone having a boyfriend......could hurt her reputation within the community if word gets out.....which it usually does courtesy of gossip.

**Suggestions:

1) ** Don't sleep with this girl. And let her know that you're not going to do this even if you do develop strong enough feelings to marry her in the future. This will show her that you respect her and are not looking for a piece of a$$.**

2) **Explain to this girl nicely that you are in college......you don't even have a degree.......you don't even have a stable job/career............and that in such circumstances it's unreasonable for you to decide on marriage.........which involves your WHOLE LIFE.

*3) * My suggestion is that you just get to know the girl. In other words......keep the communication lines open with her. In the process of getting to know her better............you might even realize that she's not the girl for you. Often times we think that someone is the "ONE"........but after getting to know them more.....we realize they're not. So keep the lines of communication open. Just talk to her..........and if toward the end of college you feel that you really truly do love her...................then propose respectfully to her. Right now her demands for "marriage" are unreasonable although I can understand why she's so cautious. It's better for you both to be friends right now. And toward the end of college............if you have the desire to marry her............give her hints.......and then propose.

Getting to know this girl will give you more insight into her character and personality. Because it's kind of weird that she goes around asking you to have sex. And now she doesn't want to have a relationship unless marriage is in the picture. This girl wants reckless sex..........and then marriage? That's odd. It doesn't make too much sense for a desi girl. It's weird. that's why i'm telling you.........get to know whether she's even good enough to be a life partner.......... before making any marriage commitments.

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You know i wasn't like this at all towards her. I didn't even care about her. I didn't love her or paid any attention. It was her who gave me all those signals started to discuss those girl magazines with on how to please your man and all that bull crap. She ignited those feels in me and when i said ok this is i can't handle it any more she goes and stamps a marriage Barrier in front of my face. How peaceful was my life back then man!!! i didn't even use to care about any girl... now she's on my mind 24/7!! And now she's avoiding me What irony!!!! But your right im not making stupid moves like that on her... Thanks for the advice man really appericaited!

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Mcpendu,

I'm a girl too. And women can read women. This girl.........sounds trashy.........and she's trying to trap you. This methodology has been used before by women: Playing the marriage card way too soon before even meeting each other and getting to know each other.

What if you promise to marry her now..........and later you realize that you dont' like her trashy personality.................and then decide to back out of the marriage plans. She's going to go around making YOU look like the BAD GUY. She'll go around telling people that YOU proposed to her........that YOU told her you want to marry her.........and that YOU dumped her. Can you imagine how this would hurt your reputation? Is this girl even thinking about how all of this will effect you? NO, SHE"S NOT! She's only thinking of herself right now. If she was a shareef girl (and not a horny one)...............she would have made the marriage condition a LONG TIME AGO...........instead of asking for sex. Know what I mean?

This girl only wants people to fulfill her wishes (sex, marriage).............and then if the person can't do that............she walks off. That's called IMMATURITY! She sets conditions on people...................without taking into consideration the other person's feelings??????

Think about it. Did this girl NOT think to herself that you can't decide on marriage so quickly and that what would happen to you if you agree to marry her and then change your mind??????? She could use it against you somehow.

YES, I agree that marriage is the more respectable thing to do in Islam as opposed to having a boyf-girlfriend relationship. BUT THIS IS A GIRL who asked you to sleep with her. And so, she really doesn't seem to care much about Islamic boundaries. Is that the type of girlfriend or life partner you want?

I'm going to repeat the same thing................get to know her before making a commitment. She sounds like trouble.

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Some thing i forgot to mention she is highly secular... Extremely secular, she loves money, she told me she is working 2 jobs and persuing her dream carrer well nothing wrong with that but she constantly tells me, "Oh When will be the manager? i want to have my car i want my own house" I used to laugh at her when she told me all that i made fun of her for thinking like that. She is constatnly in a state of depression she tells me this she's on Ambien sleeping pills but then i dunno wtf happend to me i started to feel bad for her and then i decided you know what the heck lets give it a try this relationship could work out. I was really confused i didnt know what to say... I dont know how she did it but she penetrated my mind. she has no regard for my religious views which are some what sufi and i tell her to eleminiate her desires ands he laughs at me and says that i am a panzy for thinking that material wealth is a waste of time. But i have to watch out now back to my good old days!

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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

There's a huge difference between missing someone's attention and love.

There's a huge difference between feeling jealous that a girl is talking to other guys on facebook and love.

There's a huge difference between just horny/sexual feelings and love.

Get to know this girl so that you can begin to sort out (figure out) your own feelings for her. What you think is LOVE might not be love at all. Plus be careful around this girl. You don't want her to lead you into doing something haram that you might regret later on.

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Thanks for your advice redvelved. Really wise.

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Exactly. You seem like a smart guy. You said that you started to feel bad for her when she said that she is taking medication for depression and that you decided "what the heck. Let's give this relationship a try." You can't start romantic relationships with people based on PITY and SYMPATHY. That's a HUGE TRAP.

Tell me something. Let's say that you liked a girl.......but she was not interested. And then you tell that girl that you're on meds for depression. Would YOU like it if you knew that the MAIN reason that this girl wants to start a relationship with you is because she feels sorry for you???? How would YOU feel knowing that someone wants to be with you because of PITY?

You can offer this a person emotional support and encouragement by just being a good friend................not necessarily by being a boyfriend.

Now imagine this. Let's say that you get into a relationship with this girl. And you find out after a few weeks that she's not the right girl for you. And then you start distancing yourself from her. What if she tells you "I'm depressed that you're leaving me and I feel like committing suicide** because you don't want to marry me."** You're going to feel TRAPPED. You will feel like you won't be able to leave her.

Also, this girls is placing value on material things over emotions. I've heard stories of people in horrible marriages.............and all the fancy cars and designer clothing can't substitute their misery. Material things give pleasure for a brief time...................and then once that pleasure wears off.............you have to LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF.............to find true happiness.

Also, psychologists say that one of the BEST WAYS to eliminate depression and find happiness is to do GOOD THINGS FOR OTHERS...........to do charity work, volunteer work, help those in need, help make a difference in someone's life. AND THIS GIRL is going to have a HARD TIME finding true happiness and peace of mind because she doesn't think about others.............she only thinks about her OWN NEEDS..........and her OWN MATERIALISTIC desires.

Perhaps she feels that sleeping around with guys is what makes her more "worthy" as a female. Her priorities are not in the right order. Her self-esteem is very fragile right now. It's hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who is troubled and materialistic on top of that.

You're an intelligent guy........and her beliefs are going against even your sufi teachings. Support, guide, and encourage her as a friend. Pray for her. But don't rush to start a romantic relationship with her............she's not internally ready for such a huge responsiblity.

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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

Oh boy. No offense but how old are the two of yous? Im assuming high school age. Emotions are flaring and hormones are racing, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. She doesnt seem like the type of girl you could bring home to mom and dad... she seems like an emotional mess and a needy, insecure woman. Who the hell offers a friend sex randomly and out of the blue? That too, a muslim girl. She's got no respect for herself, she's vulnerable and she's just looking for love and support in all the wrong places.

If you wanna be in her life, be there as a friend. Help her through her problems, talk to her, and help her undestand that flaunting her body and offering herself like that to strangers is only going to make people use her and run. She wont find that longtime lover/future spouse or a rescuer this way. She needs to love herself first before loving another.

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huh?
how and where did u meet her?

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I met her in one of my college classes! we have a class for 6 weeks and we became good friends after the class finished we continue to talk for another one year and became good friends but seldom met each other hardly at all. And then this happened at the end of 2008.

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Wow Thanks alot for your wisdom redvelvet, i had this huge burden on my chest concerning this girl. I was very confused i hadn't talked to any of my friends i mean i don't wanna tell them this stuff. Thank God i came to this forums and talked with you... Now i feel much better, Thanks alot.

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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

holy crap dude run AWAY FROM HER FAST

Timepass - June 2013
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hmm…then why did u ask her “ok can you add me to your facebook so i can see your pictures?” :rolleyes:

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Re: Extreme Frustration regarding one girl?

^ may be he wanted to see her pictures...

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Cause i hadn’t SEEN HER FOR ONE FREAKING YEAR!!! read the posts man! And why the hell wouldn’t she add me to her Facebook? I am curious about that?

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Dude, I've already answered that. Guys aren't the only ones with egos you know? Girls have an ego and pride as well.

When you found out that she hadn't added you onto facebook for a year.........it hurt your ego didn't it?

Similarly........it must have hurt her ego when you shrugged off her romantic confessions. She felt hurt and didn't feel comfortable adding you to facebook.

When we are rejected by someone we care about.........often times we feel the need to "distance" ourselves from that person to protect our feelings....and to move on. Staying close to someone who has rejected you while you still harbor romantic sentiments can be painful. So, some people prefer to maintain a distance.

OR...........the other possibility could be that her behavior on facebook is not what you would approve of.........and she doesn't want you to know about this........so she decided not to add you.

Muhabbat ab nahin hogi
Muhabbat ab nahin hogi