Explain this....

Re: Explain this....

Nia - it is not "because my husband asked me to do so" but "because it makes my husband happy" When you love somebody and plan on spending the rest of your life them, then a lot of things are accomplished via compromise and it is a "willing" compromise. You are not subjecting yourself to "obey" your husband's wishes or vice versa.

Re: Explain this....

rukhsarbibi i take your words for it... But i hope this compromise is on both sides. one sided compromise isnt fair right?

Re: Explain this…

Nia, when i re-read my old posts and diary entries and i sounded exactly like you when I was in high school and junior high :slight_smile:

I know the guy I’m with won’t do anything that will kill my happiness and my desires. He will do anything to make me happy and I will do everything to make him happy.

:hug:

Re: Explain this....

Girl was single before, now she has responsibilities, things change. Big deal.

Re: Explain this…

sara i hope things stay like that with you.

Sara i am 23 done with my bachelors- This is how i was back in high school and this i how i am and will remain like this. I reufse to take orders my life runs by me only. I feel sad for these women who let their hubby run their life and in the end cry.

My man is very shareef compare to me i find myself a complete gunda sometimes he is a sweety. He knows never to cross those lines and stay where he is. He knows very well i will only do what i feel is right and he can suggest something i will take it in consideration. Ultimately its my decision i don;t let anyone else decide for me. we have a very good understanding shukar hai. Like i said compromise comes from both sides.

Re: Explain this…

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Re: Explain this…

Absolutely. I don’t follow the old addage that “tis the woman who always has to compromise”

Re: Explain this....

maybe its their own personal matter and we need not be bothered....

Re: Explain this....

If a woman gets a bad husband and he just won't change, she does have the right for peace too. Of course you have a better chance of going to heaven by doing sabr and remain in a terrible situation. But we also have the right to stand up for ourselves, given we aren't doing something wrong or standing up for ourselves in the wrong way.

A woman who works can still be liberated, it depends on the situation. If you have to depend on a person who only brings you down, treats you very bad, doesn't even get everything in the house that is needed, then leaving and getting your own job so you have your own money and don't depend on that bad person anymore and now have alhamdulilah just enough for a decent life (in peace, because now the bad person isn't there to mistreat you in any way), than it really is a liberation.

But of course, a woman with a good husband going to work without necessity and without the GOOD husbands permission, isn't liberated. I see necessity as the husband not earning enough to support them, or the children being older and mother not really needed to take care of them so she has nothing to do now, doing work in Islam or in other ways to help people.

Re: Explain this…

Yeah, you’re right :smiley:

Oh… :tweetie:

yeh tau mein nay socha hi nahi kick laganay mein jaldi kar di :frusty:

Re: Explain this…

:french:

Re: Explain this....

What is this with working is far more important than the home, or home is far more important than the work?

There are people who prefer to live a balanced life.

Re: Explain this....

sounds like a typical desi love story... very normal.

Re: Explain this....

Exactly right BV! Its really something that should be discussed before the wedding. I really dont see anything wrong with a newly married couple both having careers ... but once the babies start to arrive, better to have "the mom" at home if its possible. Thats how things TYPICALLY work best...I mean, there are these "super Moms" who so nicely handle career and kids and house etc etc...I surely AINT one of those lol! Thats a tough, tough thing. And there really is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy wanting his wife to make hearth and home. As long as the wife is in agreement with that.

Re: Explain this....

Mamaof3, your case is different, since if I remember, one of your children at least needs the extra time and care. Furthermore, very few people will refuse to take maternity leave if given to them, and very few women would go for a job with zero maternity leave or even a poor one.

Women have an instinct to care for the babies. But babies do grow. Are you to spend the rest of your days for the rest of your life flippin' TV channels while the kids are off to school and study sessions or out with friends on a Friday night?

Re: Explain this....

I worked the first couple of years of our marriage. If my husband asked me to sit at home I would literally go nuts. The house was always clean, food was always there. We were both happy. My job gave us some more money. It allowed me to feel productive and fulfilled. I met new friends (in a new city) and gained new skills. But I quit my job when I was almost 4 months pregnant and knew that I needed to rest. My husband didn't tell me what to do. Being a mom is a hard job. It's the most work I've ever done in my life. Literally 24 hours a day. But this was my choice. I'm glad my husband didn't tell me what choices I should make.

Re: Explain this....

I don't see y this topic is such a big issue in our culture (so it seems from GS anyway)...we need to learn to respect everyone's way of life, and the lifestyles they have, whether due to circumstance or their own choice...if ur a housewife, good for u...if ur a working mum, good for u also...one is not better than the other...u r not more hardworking just cos u work, and have kids etc...and u r no less if u spend ur time at home and with kids...some women love to work and some do not...and before u r married (esp. in our culture), it is totally different for a girl...most of the time, parents spoil their daughters and they only work to earn extra money and/or get out of the house etc...ur life changes after marriage, u have new responsiblities...it's really something that can be worked out between the couple.

Re: Explain this....

^ exactly.

Re: Explain this…

Hai hai, lajwanti, don’t get your panties in a bunch… the issue is not what is better for a woman, the issue is whether a woman should have the right to choose what she wants to do with her life. Some women are better at being a full time house wife, which btw, is a much harder job than one can imagine, so kudos to all the women who are doing that, your job is not easy. As for other women, they want a career outside of the house. It’s all about fulfillment. The point is, we as men, have no business telling our wives, sisters, daughters, what they should do with their lives. We have the right to give our opinions and we have the right to be disappointed, but we don’t have the right to force them to do one thing over the other. Come, I invite you to join the 21st century!!

Re: Explain this....

PCG, you're very right. My boys will all be in school full time in just a couple years tho and I do so look forward to that. I dont want to go back to the working world tho, nor do i want to veg in front of the tv....there are so very many things to do...gardening esp is something I want to do, make the house so pretty. And be able to "do it up" on all the holidays, theres just no end to how many things you can do at home without being a couch potato! It just my personal interest...other women can find fulfillment with a career but my career is now "domestic engineer" lol! and I love it, wouldnt change it for anything.