Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?

[Sehrysh]

Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?

@enlightened

I guess I do sound very jealous don’t I?
It really doesn’t affect me directly, this has been going on for years. Actually those relatives abroad are visiting Pak these days, and they came over and were complaining about how they are being forced to buy their Paki relatives expensive gifts, and how they have to cut back on their own family expenses to buy these things, as they are not very well off themselves. Not only gifts, they are being forced to pay for university fees, daily household expenses and weddings as well. My aunt taking the money says it’s their duty to do this. They wanted my mom to somehow interfere, but she doesn’t want to as it is their family matter.

I felt bad for them, seeing how people are using them for their advantage. Guess that instead of sounding jealous, I should just be grateful I can afford what I want on my own with my money.

Here’s the thing - no one is as bechara as they seem. If the abroad relative doesn’t want to buy the expensive gift, then they should just say no. Yes, the Pakistani relative may “expect” it - but if they can’t afford the gadget or gizmo, an expectation is not a compulsion - say no and stand firm.

But, the abroad relative should also not expect the Pakistani relative to spend money on them. Hosting an out-of-town guest, cooking and mehmaandaari is quite expensive for most people. Inflation is so high in Pakistan and the cost of food, electricity and petrol which a guest may take for granted does add up. For a middleclass family, having to incur an extra 10-20,000 rps expense to host guests might be a burden that most guests take for granted because they think that ghar to baap/daada ka tha, to us mein rehnay ka haq unka banta hai. Fine, but then the guests should be sensitive to limited budgets of their hosts.

Oh, and the above concern about financial expense applies to people visiting in the US/Canada/UK as well. Sometimes guests have such extravagant expectations for when they visit and they fail to realize that their visit might be a financial burden on their hosts.