Just a thought: Would you rather work hard, save money and buy something you really want… or would you rather that someone gifts you that particular thing?
Actually, I’ve been noticing this all around lately, and it’s been bothering me. For example, I have these 2 cousins. They seem to be blessed. When they want something expensive, they simply ask their relatives abroad, and either the money or the expensive item is sent to pakistan on the next flight. And money is never paid back to those relatives. Those two cousins of mine have recieved computers, cell phones, laptops, tablets (all of the latest and most expensive variety, just to point out), umrah tickets, college education and next they want a new car.
Now I know this makes their foreign relatives extremely loving, and generous, but I’m bothered about 2 things.
I always have to buy what I want after working hard for months, saving money, and even then I buy something I can afford, not the extremely high-end models… So why not others? Why should they not have to work and still get everything for free? Or am I simply being jealous?
Is it obligatory on relatives living out of pakistan to send expensive gifts and money to those in pakistan? Or do your paki relatives expect it from you and you are forced to spend your money? Do you ever feel you are being exploited by your loved ones?
Just want your opinion, as I feel that one should work and buy expensive stuff themselves, yet I somehow feel bad when I work so hard and buy something I want, yet others get it for free.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Other people getting stuff shouldn't bother you, as long as they aren't getting it from your pocket.
If someone expects you to send a gift, just say no.
That said I am waiting for my Dad to buy me these sneakers. Just don't wanna spend my own cash. Hope he doesn't say NO.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Apart from self esteem issues, for me, the show-off of flamboyant lifestyle in Pakistan through 'foreign remittances' also causes competition among the residents and forces people living in Pakistan to go for unfair and illegal means to match the neighbors car/house/gadgets/jewellery etc.
Receiving gifts from relatives abroad is somewhat expected in Pakistan though. As a kid, I was also asked, 'Why don't you ask your uncle to send you this?'. Growing up in Pakistan, I didn't demand gifts from relatives abroad but have always received something when they visited.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Apart from self esteem issues, for me, the show-off of flamboyant lifestyle in Pakistan through 'foreign remittances' also causes competition among the residents and forces people living in Pakistan to go for unfair and illegal means to match the neighbors car/house/gadgets/jewellery etc.
Receiving gifts from relatives abroad is somewhat expected in Pakistan though. As a kid, I was also asked, 'Why don't you ask your uncle to send you this?'. Growing up in Pakistan, I didn't demand gifts from relatives abroad but have always received something when they visited.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Other people getting stuff shouldn't bother you, as long as they aren't getting it from your pocket.
If someone expects you to send a gift, just say no.
That said I am waiting for my Dad to buy me these sneakers. Just don't wanna spend my own cash. Hope he doesn't say NO.
Don't you think it's different if your dad buys you something as compared to your aunts and uncles?
And usually, other people getting gifts doesn't bother me at all. But I see people literally ordering their relatives to buy them stuff.... "Oh, you're visiting Pakistan next month? Get me an iPad". Personally, I would be ashamed to ask for such expensive gifts, esp as I'm earning myself.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Apart from self esteem issues, for me, the show-off of flamboyant lifestyle in Pakistan through 'foreign remittances' also causes competition among the residents and forces people living in Pakistan to go for unfair and illegal means to match the neighbors car/house/gadgets/jewellery etc.
Receiving gifts from relatives abroad is somewhat expected in Pakistan though. As a kid, I was also asked, 'Why don't you ask your uncle to send you this?'. Growing up in Pakistan, I didn't demand gifts from relatives abroad but have always received something when they visited.
Kakaballi, even I received gifts from those relatives visiting... but they were usually the typical stuff, maybe a sweater, or cosmetics etc. Nothing costing hundreds of dollars. For bigger things, my parents would redeem them the full amount.
People really do seem to think that "Amrika main paisay darakht pe ugtay hain". I simply think it's exploitation.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
If someone is requesting somthing from a relative and a relative is buying it - that's between the two of them.
You don't know what their relationship is like - maybe the abroad relative sends similar requests to the Pakistani relative ordering 10 Sana Safinaz lawn suits which costs the same amount as an iPad. You don't what their relationship is like, so best not to comment if it doesn't affect you and clearly their gift receiving shouldn't affect you unless you're jealous.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Don't you think it's different if your dad buys you something as compared to your aunts and uncles?
And usually, other people getting gifts doesn't bother me at all. But I see people literally ordering their relatives to buy them stuff.... "Oh, you're visiting Pakistan next month? Get me an iPad". Personally, I would be ashamed to ask for such expensive gifts, esp as I'm earning myself.
Asking my dad for stuff IS different. It's just that I'm employed and I still expect him to pay for my stuff.
For the second part, there are different types of people. Shouldn't bother you if it doesn't affect you directly. Heck there a kids who drive Porsches and Ferrari, while I can't afford a Honda with my pay. Is that fair? No. Am I complaining? No.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
gift is a gift...expensive or cheap...the common trait is LOVE with which a gift is given...if LOVE is missing then it's NOT worth it, no matter how expensive or how cheap it is.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
One of the big issues in our society is that children learn to identify their self-worth with others’ approval for how they look, how many toys they have, how expensive their clothes are. Unless parents show their children that they value them for their inner qualities - their caring, creativity, compassion, laughter, joy,*passion *for life - rather than for their looks, possessions and performance, children learn to attach their self-worth to other’s approval. True self-worth comes from inside, from knowing we are valuable for who we are, not for how we look or what we do. Unfortunately, our materialistic society fosters attaching self-worth and lovability to others’ approval for things such as a car or a house or clothes. When we “spoil” our children with material possessions, we foster co-dependency, which is dependency on others’ approval for our sense of worth.
The prob is in defining 'love but unfortunately most of us don't understand.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Agree with Sehrysh. A family friend of ours gets brand new dresses shipped from Pakistan by their relatives every few months, so their daughters are always in touch with the current fashion in Pakistan. My mom asked that aunty if she pays for this stuff (because we know their relatives in Pakistan can't afford to buy all of this so often). She said no because we send them expensive tech items every now and then, so it works out for both sides.
To the OP, there is no reason for you to get jealous for what others have and you don't, especially if you know that their method of getting it isn't fair.
Look as long it doesn't come out of your pocket it doesn't matter to you. Again it depends on the dynamics of the relationship these people have. Some ppl in Pakistan will really take care of relatives when the come to Pakistan - or they do other stuff for them. If there is a give and take on both parts it is fine. The problem is when people blackmail their relatives abroad to do this. That's what I personally have an issue with.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
I guess I do sound very jealous don't I?
It really doesn't affect me directly, this has been going on for years. Actually those relatives abroad are visiting Pak these days, and they came over and were complaining about how they are being forced to buy their Paki relatives expensive gifts, and how they have to cut back on their own family expenses to buy these things, as they are not very well off themselves. Not only gifts, they are being forced to pay for university fees, daily household expenses and weddings as well. My aunt taking the money says it's their duty to do this. They wanted my mom to somehow interfere, but she doesn't want to as it is their family matter.
I felt bad for them, seeing how people are using them for their advantage. Guess that instead of sounding jealous, I should just be grateful I can afford what I want on my own with my money.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
I guess I do sound very jealous don't I?
It really doesn't affect me directly, this has been going on for years. Actually those relatives abroad are visiting Pak these days, and they came over and were complaining about how they are being forced to buy their Paki relatives expensive gifts, and how they have to cut back on their own family expenses to buy these things, as they are not very well off themselves. Not only gifts, they are being forced to pay for university fees, daily household expenses and weddings as well. My aunt taking the money says it's their duty to do this. They wanted my mom to somehow interfere, but she doesn't want to as it is their family matter.
I felt bad for them, seeing how people are using them for their advantage. Guess that instead of sounding jealous, I should just be grateful I can afford what I want on my own with my money.
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Oh God, now it sound bollywoodish! But aren't many movies made on real life situations? Anyway, I got my lesson from the thread.... let people live as they wish to, as long as their doing doesn't directly affect me
Re: Expensive gifts from relatives, fair or unfair?
Oh God, now it sound bollywoodish! But aren't many movies made on real life situations? Anyway, I got my lesson from the thread.... let people live as they wish to, as long as their doing doesn't directly affect me
