Re: Expecting romantic love from an arranged marriage?
Not everything is so black and white. You can’t just make blanket statements in a one size fits all fashion…Just because someone has “done all that” prior to getting married does not make it any less special or significent afterwards. Also, there are plenty of other “romantic” gestures that take place between married couples who had a “love marriage”. When your significent knows instinctively what you like/want/need without you having to say a word..that that
14 years later (mashallah) you want to know what is truly romantic? When one of the kids is in the bathroom and needs their tushy washed and yells “maaammaaaa…i’m done, can you waaash me…” he gets up first and says “tum rehanay do, may dhekta hoon”…now that
Please don’t think I’m picking on you, because I’m not. I’m just trying to show you that it truly makes no difference if you knew your spouse prior to marriage. Once you share your home/life with somebody, it’s all the same level playing field.
Ok
More “asssumptions” huh? Be careful…you don’t want to became behaving like us foreign desis!
On a more serious note, now THIS is what I was looking/hoping for! You stated your view earlier (ie:romance in arranged marriages are “more special”) but never mentioned WHY.
I actually agree with you with the red part. You’re absolutely right in saying that the more time passes by…it’s very easy to settle into a “routine” and take the person you married for granted. HOWEVER…this can happen in every marriage (love or arranged). Even in an arranged marriage…as time goes by…once kids enter the picture, many couples take each others for granted.
But I don’t think the above effects how “special” the romance is that’s experienced by newlywed couples. The romance experienced by the couples is special regardless of how they got married (love or arranged). I think its unfair to label one as more special versus another.
But i only expressed my opinion, its not like i argued with anyone that what i was saying has to be the truth for everyone? Why my saying it is unfair but the others saying that the romance in love marriage is more special don’t have any of you members telling them the same?!
Yes, like you have said it happens in arrange marriage too the romance fizzles out when kids come into pic etc etc but were were not talking about how long lasting the romance would be, we were only comparing it regarding love vs arrange.
^But it’s not an uncommon misconception, Paheli. (Not justifying it). I remember when I was in high school…a classmate had said that she’d rather go for an arranged marriage because the charm of things wears out faster in a love marriage. And we were like 14 at the time, lol. I don’t know if it’s in my qismat, but I’ve always liked the idea of love marriages more than an arranged one.
As for Zareen’s view that the more you know a person, the more you take them for granted…well, even in an arranged marriage, there will come a point where you know each other really well and the novelty wears off and you could possibly take each other for granted. It can happen in both types of marriage. …just a matter of sooner or later. I think the argument here is about “time”…but even then…the state of a marriage will depend upon the efforts of the couple. It’s an interesting topic…provides some food for thought for both the OP and the readers.
Above reply goes 4 u too.
I guess Zareen meant that arranged marriages give chances of more of little things which give butterflies. Although the girl and guy are given chances to interact and get to know each other even in the arranged setting these days, it is still not something as knowing a guy for few years before a love marriage.
A girl who previously hasn’t had any relationship, her husband in the arranged marriage would be first guy with whom she will be required to develop romantic love and thus little things like making eye contact, holding hands, sharing childhood stories, sharing silly jokes etc will all feel very romantic. Now all this can happen before marriage during the engagement period or after shaadi if the engagement period is not long. Couple in love marriage also enjoy these little gestures but enjoying these gestures for the first time is certainly different than enjoying these gestures for say 10th time.
I am not saying that love is more in arranged marriage as compared to love marriage. But the state of couples entering a marriage after having love relationship previously is very different than the state of the couples who enter into arranged marriage. Couples in love marriage start their marriage on a much comfortable level which the couple in arranged marriage would take a while to develop and this can be more romantic for someone. Having already a comfortable feeling with your new husband is equally romantic as having to develop the romantic feeling after shaadi.
So the romance is not stronger/ weaker in any type of marriage (love or arranged). Its just that the ways of romance are difference in each type.
Thank-You! Koi tu mujhe samjhta hai yahan
. I get your point and i do agree that the kind of romance which comes when you are that comfortabe with someone, it must be special. However, i was focusing on the novelty of romance 
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:k: