Ok guppies and guppans, ya’all know I dont usually post here, especially about my personal problems. But this time I am exhausted of trying to figure it all out and I can use some help with this.I have started to write this several times and erased what i wrote, since I am not sure if this is the right place to empty my heart out so please bear with me.
As some of you know, my parents have been on a rishta hunt for a while now. The problem is, we havent been getting a lot of rishtas of the kind I am looking for. So I have been saying no to quite a few of them without really getting to know the person (since I feel its a waste of time, theirs and mine). Now my parents are getting really frustrated with me. They think that if I keep on doing this, I maynot even get these rishtas in a couple years and when i do realise this, it might be too late. But I dont want to settle for anything less then what I want. Now most of you might be wondering, what is she looking for anyways? Its really not that complicated actually, i just want someone moderately religious, US educated a professional and nice and caring person. Alot of the rishtas i have been getting are people owning a resturant, etc etc and not very professional. I want my life to have a higher aim and differnt lifestyle, so to speak. Is it wrong to ask for this?
I feel that if i dont fight for what I want, i maybe unhappy for the rest of my life and I dont want that. If I do get better rishtas, they have their own requirements. I have noticed the more professional the larka is, the more he wants the girl to be more “mod squad”. And I am not all that. I am a very simple person. Now, I cant change myself for someone, can I?I mean not to such a great extent.
I am soooo tired, mentally and emotionally, trying to deal with this issue. I am just plain exhausted. I am willing to wait for as long as I have to for the “right” person. I feel like I will just know when I meet him. What I would like from you is some kind advice and words from the more experienced guppies . What is your input on this?Any personal experiences to share?I am pretty confident in waiting for the right person but then again, I dont want to regret my decision later on and have my parents tell me, “told ya so”. 
meri kahani… hang in there 
trust me… lots of girls are in ur boat.. infact i think there are so many of us, the boat should have sunk by now…
:(
i dont know what to tell you except that maybe your honay-wala is in the middle of his education or in the beginnings of his profession...
But you know what? There are A LOT of guys that fit the characterization you're giving. The question is what is the best venue to find these people?
As pathetic as it sounds...ISNA conventions? I can't really tell you much about them; i've never been to one. erm...keep an eye out in your desi community for professionals - maybe if you've got some guy friends, tell them to keep a look out?
And don't limit yourself to a particular sub-ethnic group. That can be a problem.
Oh, and dont miss out on a GS meet. You never know...
:P
Ira, I think what you need to do for a little while is take a break from all the searching and perhaps also have your parents take a break from things. Start something different like a hobby or just something new and after a while you will feel a bit more refreshed and perhaps more able to think clearly. I would agree with you not to settle for anyone and though you may have regrets its always easier to regret simply because we assume the best rather then because its actual regret.
Also build your circle of friends because they can be a great support when you feel a little down and under.
Hope you feel better soon.
…yeh joorian tou upper banti hain..im sure allah mian ney app ke liye chand saa dulha reserve kar key rakha ho ga..worry not 
Re: Exhausted
There is nothing wrong with what you want. Just hang in there. However, I suggest you look for yourself too. Don’t just rely on your parents. Your friends are your most valuable assets. They know the type of guy you are looking for so you can also request their help.
dekho, parents are very very easily worried. i remember my parents were very worried about my sisters until they got married, even though typically aaj kal marriage happens after 24-25 when undergrads done. the worrying i remember since 21..
i used to see this exact situation happening in my home too. its an every home story, lekin people do get married in general eh? so mostly its worrying about nothing. its useful in getting motivated about an important thing tho..
as far as the quality of rishtas is concerned, you usually get rishtas from your social circle. for example, in our case, muscat kay social circle kay hawalay say aya tha. see if you can renew those links..
we discussed temporarily going to pakistan once, is that an option? pm me ya msn me if you want to talk more abt it.
above all.. you have soooooo much time. dont worry!
Ira I get u yaar…
lekin nothing to worry about inshallah..jorYaan asmaaNon pe banti haen
magar..hmm.. aik baat batao…why not somebody who owns a restaurant or shop? or someone who is not US educated? think about it…you might be saying no to a lot of good human beings by limiting your standards…
and believe me yaar jus because somebody is a professional doesn’t in any way make them a better spouse neither does it ensure you a stabler or happier lifestyle…at the end of the day your happiness in your married life depends on how family oriented, devoted and sincere the person you are marrying is…imo…not whether he is a professional or not…? if he does have a source of income and a zaria-e-maash then it should be ok i think…what do u think?
b/c u said the guys your parents are bringing to you are usually in that category…and there’s nothing wrong with looking for yourself i guess…but i still think if done through parents in the long run its the best…
hmmm…i do know of some girls who turned down many rishtay for different reasons. i know many many girls who got married late, even in late twenties or early thirties. some girls waited till late and are mashallah now happily married to the person whom they think is the “right” person. some are not married still and dont mind, while some are more worried than others. some who even had a bad first marriage and got remarried. there are so many different types of cases. i guess it really depends on the individual case. and how you feel depends on your own attitute. i know it can be tough coz of societal pressures but at the end of the day if you are happy with yourself thats what matters so i guess try and be grateful and positive whichever stage of life you’re in. there are many girls who are in much worse situations too also.
and yes…don’t become someone you are not just for some more professional guy who wants a “moq squad” girl. i mean, its a different matter to change yourself after marriage, but marry someone whom you are comfortable with.
hmmm…khair…no need to worry and my best wishes are with you…
umm, its always great to want somebody professional but are u sure, u yrself are professionally qualified/highly educated? if in case u aren't then frankly speaking, and plz dont mind, u might have some trouble finding somebody who is so, and would readily settle for somebody who isn't. also, a lot of professionally qualified ppl, often look for or find their prospective partners in their academic circles, so if u find yrself at the losing end that side, then it may be a sign of worry and considering other prospects wudnt kill u. in any case, i think u r too young to be giving up on yrself, and settling for non-professionally qualified ppl, if thats yr orientation.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ghuLail: *
umm, its always great to want somebody professional but are u sure, u yrself are professionally qualified/highly educated? if in case u aren't then frankly speaking, and plz dont mind, u might have some trouble finding somebody who is so, and would readily settle for somebody who isn't. also, a lot of professionally qualified ppl, often look for or find their prospective partners in their academic circles, so if u find yrself at the losing end that side, then it may be a sign of worry and considering other prospects wudnt kill u. in any case, i think u r too young to be giving up on yrself, and settling for non-professionally qualified ppl, if thats yr orientation.
[/QUOTE]
Good point. You've got your demands, men have got theirs. Now either you can develop a sort of middle ground, or keep waiting.
BTW, I am all for girls standing their ground and marrying only who they want to. Most of them seem content on whomever ammi abbu chooses and end up paying for it later.
Ghulail, you never know. There are a lot of guys in a professional field who want someone with just a bachelors who will sit at home and take care of their kids.
Not every guy wants a mod-shod.
??? all professionally qualifed women are mod-shod???? not everyone gets a degree in media and communications u know.
Thank you so much for your kind replies everyone.
Sadzz: Shukran Jazeelan for your kind PMs. They really were comforting.
PCG and hmcq: I have no clue myself where my honay walaa is. And you are correct in saying I need to meet people first. The thing is , we dont have a social circle in Chicago at all. We barely know any body except family. I myself just moved back to Chicago from a different city, after being there for 4 years. I am still in the settling back in stage. Rahi baat ISNA ki, I dont feel comfortable going to ISNA just to meet people. Although I do agree: i need to expand my social circle. But how do you do that, when you barely know anyone in a big city like Chicago and then you have like 2 desis at your school! (i go to a private school).
I know hmcq you have suggested this before: I need to take a break. I wish it was easier to talk to parents and tell them what you want. Thats what I am going to do InshaAllah though. Try to slow things down and concentrate on other things going on in life right now, which is stressful enough without the added stress of this rishta buisness.
lussi: Thank you for your kind words. I think mera chand sa dulha is still huddling somewhere around the chand itself.
Atlanta: I have tried friends (well somewhat: its somewhat wierd asking friends to be the matchmaker). Maybe I jsut need to stop for a while and have my parents take a break too. Its just added stress on them as well.
Ravage: I will speak to you over msn InshaAllah.
irem: yaar no where in my post, did i say that people who arent "professional" are not good people. Allah forbid I would ever say that. What I am talking about a different lifestyle. Makes sense to you at all??I guess, I dont think there is anything wrong with me wanting a professional guy, is there??I mean i really really dont want to be unhappy and then later keep thinking to myself: if i had stuck up for my ground, would my life have been any different?
Ghulail and skhan: you are absolutely right when you say that professionals have their own demands. However, there have been a very small number of people who actually worry about how educated I am. Most people go straight for looks and then for anything else. THere is nothing wrong with that and thats an entirely different discussion. Most people look for prospective partners in their academic or work circle, yes. But what to do in my situation, when the only people i have worked with are ALL non desis??Sheesh I even go to a school where I have seen like one desi person so far.
Ira, don’t feel disheartened. 
Like Sadzzz said, there are a lot of guys and girls who are in the same position.
Keep your options open, look on your own and maybe you shouldn’t limit yourself to Pakistani only. I mean, that’s a very personal choice and also depends on your family, but a lot of people don’t mind marrying outside of their culture as long as the person is Muslim.
Important thing is to not make your life revolve around this. Keep yourself busy … find different hobbies and have faith that you will find someone. The more you sit and wait for something to happen, the more you will dwell on it.
Also, I’m not sure if this even applies to you but there is no such thing as a perfect person or “dream guy”. Chances are, you will never meet Mr. Right cause Mr. Right doesn’t exist. Know what you value and what’s important to you, but be open to compromise as well.
Ira Ira Ira.
Goodness why are you worrying your pretty head over all this.Meri jaan inshAllah everything will be just fine.
Your expectations for the future "vo" are not unrealistic at all.The only thing is that, there is often such a difference of opinion -from the guy/girl and the families.However, personally I think you should wait.Dont rush off and marry somebody who you know you cant be happy with.After all, you have to spend the rest of your life with him.I think the fact is that guys who are professionally settled are often older in the age group.Thats the problem I often face with potential rishthas.The guys who are around our ages or a bit older , are often studying or just starting their careers.
So dont worry, you're still very young.Everything will be fine.Its normal for parents to worry ,try to talk to them and make them understand the situation.
Mehnaz: yaar its not all about "my" options. Itna asaan hota to I wouldnt be so stressed out. Its just my parents have their own image to what the guy should be like and I have my own. And sometimes these images clash. I guess its really hard trying to find a middle ground. I know I am not waiting for the dream guy. Thats soo fairy-tale like. But InshaAllah jo hoga behtar hoga. Thanks for the sound words.
MQ: As always, your post and msn chat was comforting. Thanks for being the Muslim Queen :D
You're in Chicago???
Oh sweatheart, that's a desi hub. If your university or school doesn't have too many desis, fret not. There are a lot of local masjids in town (I'm assuming you're muslim). Get involved there. You'll meet plenty of people.
Have you explicitly told you parents exactly what you're looking for (as accurately as you can) ?
Are they bringing guys knowing themselves that he's already failed one or more of your criteria?
PCG, its all about the social circle I guess.
Maddy, yes, they think I should give the other guys a chance too but I dont want to waste my time and theirs when my instincts tell me not to settle for something I dont want. So they mention the same old story and thats whats just exhausting me the most.
Ira, oyay I do get you yaar. My point is this: what makes you think your life will be happier with a "professional guy"? and how can you be sure about what your lifestyle will be like even if you do marry one? dont assume or expect anything man. and why are you convinced that the image of "the ideal guy" you have in your mind, and not the one that your parents have, IS the right one? make sense???
khayr, i find myself in this role a lot of asking this type of questions these days coz i have friends who have strict standards when it comes to the guy they want to marry.
khayr, if you REALLY believe in it then by all means, stick to this requirement. but i'm trying to just question you, asking you to reevaluate and rethink why you have this requirement and then think IS IT really that important?
hmmm