Okay ladies … I cant believe that the smallest things that I thought will be a no brainer in the families have started to become headaches .. albeit still being small -_-
The lahori ladies on this forum will know when I am talking about but recently I have seen people twist the events to something like this
Nikkah / from the girl’s side
Mehndi / combined from both sides
Reception / combined from both sides
Some people have a small nikkah within the family or if they wana show it off they have it on the day of the mehndi or an entire different function altogether ..
now what i dont get - when does the bride get ready as the bride? on the nikkah .. or the reception (my concept of the reception if more like a valima where the bride looks elegant in light colors)
when does she get ruksat - o - fied … clearly i havnt been to one of these weddings so .. when do you think she gets ruksat? if on the day of the reception then where did the valima go ? isnt a valima religiously necessary … you know the dinner after the groom and bride have been together for the first time? O_o
…
now why am i soo concerned … these kind of events have gotten very common amongst my in laws and it makes sense to them .. i dont mind at the end of the day .. cuz a. it means spending lesser on 2 events or something like that .. b. lesser main events meaning people more likely to enjoy and show up as well ..
what i have a problem is with .. if i wear my red bridal dress on the reception then when do i wear my valima outfit or does this skip the need for a valima outfit cuz thats sad .. i soo wanted a light colored outfit as well for my wedding … tht too in laws paid expense !!
If it is a Nikah , Mehndi and reception sorta deal then you have a simpler dress for the Nikah, wear mehndi dress on mehndi and that day you are sent off with inlaws. Combined reception is after sending off, so only walima dress works there. So technically you have ONE bling dress.
You can mix it up though. Have mehndi first, then have nikah from your side and be sent off in the same day. It doesnt matter if the function is intimate u can still wear rukhsati dress. That way wear your walima dress on the reception
You can mix it up though. Have mehndi first, then have nikah from your side and be sent off in the same day. It doesnt matter if the function is intimate u can still wear rukhsati dress. That way wear your walima dress on the reception
babes we thought about this .. but technically then its a barat right ? no difference .. so i dont know what the fuss is about .. basically id only see a gain if there are two events .. or one personal nikkah and 2 grand events like a mehndi and reception ...
ur right about the lighter version of the dress on reception .. thats what i thought as well .. my mother will kill me and my in laws if she doesnt see me in a red bridal huge freaking dress lol. SIGH.
why can't you wear a fancier dress for nikkah and reception?
ilght on nikkah, red on reception.
after all, having a nikkah IS the main point of all of those events, isn't it? it doesn't matter if its big or small, it is the day you agree to spending the rest of your life with your guy. its a big deal and deserves a big dress.
^ exactly. regardless of the size of the function, the day you go over to live with husband, you wear your red bridal dress at whatever function happens for that to happen. the reception later combined is the substitute for walima even if it is hosted by both
I had my wedding like that. Nikkah first, then mehndi the next day, then reception on the 3rd day. I didnt want to wear red anyway, so on the nikkah day I wore a white lengha. It was a heavy lengha, but not crazy heavy, and I wore jewellry as well. We basically had our nikkah in the masjid and then a dinner, but it wasnt fancy. Well....its wasnt simple either. It was elegant, but not extravagant. Then the next day we had our mehndi. Then the 3rd day we had a combined reception. That is the day I had my rukhsati as well. The combined reception is a barat and valima together. Valima does not mean a dinner "after the couple has been together". A valima is just a dinner from the guys side. So it works in the end.
This is how we did ours. We had Nikkah and Mehndi on the same day in a banquet hall. This was joint event, paid for by both sides. We had Nikkah first and I wore a very light pink dress, had lot of kaam on it but more like the outfit that you might wear on a walima, it was a churidar with long frock. Then I changed into my mehndi dress - yellow, orange and green. I just didn't want to have my nikkah in a mehndi dress and we only had two big functions, so wore two dresses in one day.
We then had a small dinner at my parents house next day with a few close family and friends and I got rukhsat from home. I wore a long off white shirt with kaam and pants - so a formal dress, no dubatta on head. The next day - Saturday - we had our big event, it was reception / Valima, whatever you want to call it, that's the one we went all out for. This was a joint event and I wore red that day as I always wanted to wear red and that was my most expensive dress. :-)
Islamically the nikah is supposed to be from the guy's side as well.
Due to the increasing costs of weddings , & time factor events have become less elaborate in their days.First the dholkis themselves used to be on such grand scales , then boy's mehndi then girls side and then the wedding (barat) and reception.It used to be atleast 5 days. And add the dinners and lunches for family and well over two weeks :)
In my opinion it doesn't matter if days are combined or not. U wear red the day of rukhsati which is when your dad/parents give you away .So combined or not ur still going to start ur life with your hubby and with his family.
Next day is reception , hence Valima :) Hope that helps.
The last time I attended a two day mehndi ( guys separate day , girls separate day )wedding was way back in the 90s.
I know why you mean! It IS confusing indeed. I've noticed many ppl livin out of Pakistan have a mehndi, nikah and reception same day. so basically it boils down to two functions. joint reception where the bride wears red (main dress) and the nikah which is a small event takes place in the morn.
I would want a traditional mehndi, barat, valima though! (3 functions)
1: We dont really want an “engagement” big hoo haa as such…so we’re going straight to Nikkah which is islamically the right thing to do…and exchange rings also…
2: Mehndi combined (we’ll be nikkah-o-fied today if above doesnt go down with the ‘elders’ both our families are crazy )
3: My Wedding day/Rukhsati…(if we’re still not nikkah-o-fied which we probably will be, this IS the day)
4: Walima or reception as they like to call it these days i believe?..party from his side…which he insists on planning himself since ive taken over above
also can i just say i dont believe there is any rules as such about what colours you wear on what day, wear colours that suit YOU! just because there is a ‘trend’ of wearing light colours on reception/walima doesnt mean you HAVE to
yes ladies really not in my hands .. if it was .. im sticking to the mehndi+nikkah same day .. baraat and valima .. so 3 events in total .. basically 3 Grand events ... thts where my parents and his parents have a thingy u knw .. each event is going so be sooo cost-influenced that we thought of having two big events instead and thts where this whole discussion started. Plus my fiance thinks that 3 events is too much cuz on their side the dholkis and all start like 2 weeks in advance and he'd be going crazy till the time the main events arrive LOL
another idea came to my mind was to have a "rukhsati" and "valima" and have all the hala gula everyone wants (like we have on mehndis) on the day of the rukhsati ... like have a dance floor made so that all the aunties can shake it there and not make a fuss of not having a mehndi :P ......
its so funny just by changing the names of the events .. it sounds like a new idea :P .. all in all its just a matter of 2 or 3 events which - again - like i mentioned ... should have been a no brainer!!
sigh ... now that i have given it a thought - if I have one big mehndi+nikkah+rukhsati and one reception or valima .. I will wear red on the first day .. and I am going for a not-so-traditional look anyways so I guess I can work it out .. the reception I'll have will be supported be a light dress ..
This is brilliant. Do rukhsati and mehndi combined. And walima later. Waise bhi, there is no fun in rukhsati anyway. Make sure you have this in someone's house or a farmhouse though Ill get you the names of some. They dont have 10 pm curfew cos this way, you can have lots of dancing and then time enough for leaving.
yes ladies really not in my hands .. if it was .. im sticking to the mehndi+nikkah same day .. baraat and valima .. so 3 events in total .. basically 3 Grand events ... thts where my parents and his parents have a thingy u knw .. each event is going so be sooo cost-influenced that we thought of having two big events instead and thts where this whole discussion started. Plus my fiance thinks that 3 events is too much cuz on their side the dholkis and all start like 2 weeks in advance and he'd be going crazy till the time the main events arrive LOL
another idea came to my mind was to have a "rukhsati" and "valima" and have all the hala gula everyone wants (like we have on mehndis) on the day of the rukhsati ... like have a dance floor made so that all the aunties can shake it there and not make a fuss of not having a mehndi :P ......
its so funny just by changing the names of the events .. it sounds like a new idea :P .. all in all its just a matter of 2 or 3 events which - again - like i mentioned ... should have been a no brainer!!
sigh ... now that i have given it a thought - if I have one big mehndi+nikkah+rukhsati and one reception or valima .. I will wear red on the first day .. and I am going for a not-so-traditional look anyways so I guess I can work it out .. the reception I'll have will be supported be a light dress ..
A simple at-home nikkah in the morning & the bride gets rukhsati-ofied then. Later that night, there is a combined barat + valima event hosted by both families & its upto the bride if she wants to wear her main day sort of dress or pastel coloured valima sort of dress, that is pre-decided amongst the families who will get the dress. Its pretty workable in many families around!
thanks dee anndddd guess whatt .. my in laws met hanif rajput people and went to look at avenues !! they loved itt .. i think i mentioned they know them as well .. so hanif guys were really accommodating and and told my in laws that they will work around the curfew thing with the one dish rule and timings ..
dont know how that ll happen but it sure did make my MIL happy ...
and they also suggested that their peeps have these farm houses which we can have the event in ... and supposedly theyll cost the same n all .. so yikes .. cant wait to find out whats been finalized ..
plus im soo much more relaxed sittin here and leaving all to them to sort out !! .. :LB:
1st event- Combined Mehndi
2nd event- Nikkah at the mosque. I'm wearing a chooridar that day, and it's pink.
3rd event- Combined "Reception" -is what we're calling it, but it is the day I'll have my rukhsati. It's a mix of things - like we're gonna have the rukhsati, but before that we're also gonna have a dance floor. So it's everything rolled into one big event. I'm wearing a white lehenga.
4th event- A dinner with close relatives from both sides - this is arranged by the guy's family to mark the sunnah of valima. I'll be wearing a saree and won't be dressing up like a 'dulhan' because we just wanted an intimate dinner.
I never wanted to wear red, so this works for me. Plus I didn't want 2 lehengas either. Nor did we want 2 big functions, namely baraat and valima because hiring all sortsa vendors for 3 days (mehndi, baraat and valima) just seemed unpractical to us.
thanks dee anndddd guess whatt .. my in laws met hanif rajput people and went to look at avenues !! they loved itt .. i think i mentioned they know them as well .. so hanif guys were really accommodating and and told my in laws that they will work around the curfew thing with the one dish rule and timings ..
dont know how that ll happen but it sure did make my MIL happy ...
and they also suggested that their peeps have these farm houses which we can have the event in ... and supposedly theyll cost the same n all .. so yikes .. cant wait to find out whats been finalized ..
plus im soo much more relaxed sittin here and leaving all to them to sort out !! .. :LB:
1st event- Combined Mehndi
2nd event- Nikkah at the mosque. I'm wearing a chooridar that day, and it's pink.
3rd event- Combined "Reception" -is what we're calling it, but it is the day I'll have my rukhsati. It's a mix of things - like we're gonna have the rukhsati, but before that we're also gonna have a dance floor. So it's everything rolled into one big event. I'm wearing a white lehenga.
4th event- A dinner with close relatives from both sides - this is arranged by the guy's family to mark the sunnah of valima. I'll be wearing a saree and won't be dressing up like a 'dulhan' because we just wanted an intimate dinner.
I never wanted to wear red, so this works for me. Plus I didn't want 2 lehengas either. Nor did we want 2 big functions, namely baraat and valima because hiring all sortsa vendors for 3 days (mehndi, baraat and valima) just seemed unpractical to us.
ure spot on about hiring two vendors and etc etc but u see i gota be wearing red and then i also want a light colored day as well since i have never in my life worn any proper light lukin color .. :) .. that too a lehgna cuz i wana be all dolled up hehe ...
but i think if ill be altering the events it will be for the reason to decrease them .. not to have 4 anyways .. :) r u having ur wedding in lahore too ?
sarii sounds nice!! its like what happens in karachi and they call it a chawthi! (aka fourth day)
!!