Intervention of so many people in every single itsy bitsy matter of the wedding is driving me crazy - I can’t enjoy my own wedding. I feel I am not able to decide even one thing the way “I” want it. Its either what hubby wants, his family wants, my parents want, bhabis want etc. I know its all FOR me and my parents would do anything to make me happy but at the cost of making them sad is not what i want.
I am so fed up of involvements of every one. My wedding is not turning out the way I want it to or i dreamt of it. From the smallest to the largest decision is controlled by some one else or if i make a stance of wanting it some way, opinions come by and ruin my fun of it! I am so fed up of it all .. its like i do something and some one tells me if it were done that way it would have been better, if done by that person would have cost less, if kept this way would look nicer - I don’t care if it looks better, nicer, cheaper, expensive .. blah blah! Its not what I WANT. To make others happy, your own happiness is at stake and now i am becoming a bride who is losing interest in the wedding ceremonies. I just want to get it over with and just move on to the life ahead.
Try not discussing so much stuff with other people. I have always felt that if you share too much with too many people you are bound to get confused. Jitnay mounh utni batain.
Keep things to yourself or between your parents and sisters and brothers only. I wouldn't divulge details to too many relatives even if they were really near and dear, one of the reasons being that it ruins the surprise of it.
It is your wedding at you get it only once n a lifetime. So its important to keep it special and some things are just best left unsaid.
The other thing is that in Pakistan everyone thinks they are an expert or such on each and everything, especially related to weddings since more or less everyone goes through this process. You need to divorce your thoughts from them, just keep a distance and keep the details to yourself. It will work out InshaAllah.
going through the SAME phase! so many so called experienced ppl are coming in my way! They dont understand that its my day & when i never intervened in theirs so they shouldn’t be intervening in mine too!!! From makeup artist to photographer everybody is suggesting me their preferences & when I speak abt my preference they say ‘ok..its ordinary normal sa’
There will always b suggestions specially in pk where aunties feel obligated to opine cuz they have "experience" . Just listen to them but do what ever you want.its ur wedding day and only delegate to close ppl who will listen to what u want.
Take a breather and also remember that no matter how much the details of decor seem to u it's really the person ill be marrying.so think about that and the new life ul be starting :)
There will always b suggestions specially in pk where aunties feel obligated to opine cuz they have "experience" . Just listen to them but do what ever you want.its ur wedding day and only delegate to close ppl who will listen to what u want.
Take a breather and also remember that no matter how much the details of decor seem important to u it's really the person u will be marrying.so think about that and the new life ul be starting :)
My parents - They think I want a simpler wedding so that i don’t over burden them with the amount that is spent on the wedding. They think i actually WANT to have a big extravagant wedding & I try to hide my emotions from them so that they do not spend a fortune on the wedding. Their love for me is going so blind day by day that they feel the more they do for me the better it would be when in fact the lesser there would be, it would be fine!
Hubby - He wants a very simple wedding. I dont want a huge one but normal one too. But he is confusing me with everything that i think is normal is way over the top for him. He wants to change the customs here
Bhabis - We are getting my clothes made. They are chipping in and helping with everything but its a bit too much of help that in fact blurs me out. I want a coloured border so i want it. But they think no border would look good. Then I want the kaam to be just on the gala; to make it prettier they make it go all the way down. Oho!!! I don’t want it that much.
What is with controlling people .. lemme be & lemme have what i want. Its my one wedding & i am a hell confused if I do this my parents will think she is gone crazy with simplicity and make our guests mock us for such a dud event and hubby on the other hand thinks she loves spending a fortune over things that dont matter much. Errr!
*My brothers *- They think why do you have to interfere in all the arrangements when we are handling it all …
FINE! Have it your way people .. I’ll have a small separate party for myself that will be the way I want it
“OMG! They didn’t give a _____ tola set?”
“Unhone nai koi tohfay kyun nahi diye?”
“Larki ka dress unhone nai nahi dia tha”
BLAH you guys! we have decided pre-hand we will not be exchanging gifts for me, for their family for any one. My engagement & nikkah dress were my own as well ..OMG why is it such a horrifying huge thing for people!
I can relate. My fiance & I are planning the entire wedding, and paying for it ourselves. Both of our parents live out of town and we chose to do the wedding in the city we live in...so that really minimized the involvement from parents. One would think our level of "annoyance" would be less. Nope. Parents over the phone, friends, co-workers.....all "experts" feel the need to constantly give us unsolicited advice.
I agree with mickeymouse. The more you "discuss" things with people....the more "advice" you'll get. And with certain things such as your clothes...you need put to put your foot down and get what YOU want. As for the hubby....it sounds like your parents are paying for the shaadi. If that's the case, tell your hubby to stay out of it and just show up on the shaadi day (I know 3 couples who did this....guy's side including the groom (and these were all love marriges) had 0 involvement in planning). The shaadi is yours.....tell your hubby he can do whatever he wants on the walima. :)
OMG!!! this is so meeee!!!!!!! and its frustrating me sooooooo much :( like to start with my mil said that i can pick my own valimas dress and stuff but then i thought it would be nice if they approved it so i showed her a dress and shes like oh ya its really pretty go ahead order it and then a week later she tells my sil.. i dont think the dress is that pretty tell her to not order yet and ill find out if we can get a prettier one... and this is just one of the many many things. grrrrrrrr they dont understand that its our one and only wedding and i think i am doing the best i can to take everyone into consideration like i changed my colors around so my sil could wear colors she wanted which is fine im not complaining but then you know.. and like my parents for example they are like you have to take gold I want a bigger wedding jewelry set and I dont want my parents to buy that in gold since it owuld cost so much but nooo they are like should wear gold like WHO CARES!!! and thank goodness my fiance is the only person that kind of understands and like stands up for me saying he wants that but sometimes i feel like he doesn't want what i want either like he wants a simple wedding as well but like i was a normal wedding just like you said and its so hard to let everyone get involved like i booked my make up and they are like oh so and so can do it for cheaper.. like WHY! why do you have to ruin my excitement??? and then they went to see the venues and ended up deciding we should change the wedding dates to weekdays so we find better venues but like NO!!!! you cant!! change the stupid date i have to change everything around it and then i have to hear that i have to let both parents get involved cause we are the first borns on both sides omg! i honestly dont mind them getting involved and i am trying to do as much as i can but i ask and even if i dont ask people tell me how and what they wish for what day and i try to do my best to incorporate that into my wedding but the single thing that i pick im afraid if they will agree or not :/ aghhhhhhhhh all the excitement i had of planning my wedding and everything its almost gone!!! :(
oh i am so sorry i think the aim of this thread was to make you feel better but i am in the same boat as you i dont know what to do i almost told my mom that i dont care they can all do what they want BUT i knw that if i say that im the only one losing cause they will get their dream wedding but i wont.. so i guess we have to hang in there :(
Its okay - This thread is only to vent it out. My parents are very loving and would do anything for me I know that. I love their involvement in everything but when they are over doing with paying hefty amounts for things that don't matter to me, it worries me. It doesnt matter to me if its a 10 tola set or a 3 tola. I'm good to go with 3 as well... but if only they would understand that i am okay with a smaller normal wedding too.
My in laws are Masha Allah not interfering either. Hubby is also considerate but when i come to know of his view regarding something i tend to make it go his way e.g. if he wants a simple wedding ill try to accomodate his wishes. but if I want makeup from a particular MUA, im going over the line ..
I love them all but their opinions mean so much that my own is no where to be seen ..
ya i hear you!! thats the same with me that when they give their opinion which is all in the good will but i start to think i should do this adn that cause so and so likes it and ya its ending up to be like nothing is the way i wanted but you know the way i look at it is that at the end of the day they all mean well and they aren't understanding cause they think we will thank them later.. and who knows?.. maybe we will! cause these are the people that love us the most in the world so i am sure they mean no harm but for all of my people the last wedding they attended was over 14-15 years ago so they kind of don't understand where i am coming from but Alhumdulillah my fiance is caring about how i feel cause he knows i have been looking at stuff and planning for a while now. and when i change my mind cause i hear his mom say this is better than that what do you think abt it? then i actually give it a thought and say ok lets do it her way but my fiance always tells me i dont have to change my mind for them and that i should do what i want and he will support me and they wont say anything but i feel like ill be hurting them cause they look into stuff and give opinions after a lot of effort and thought u know.. and then i seriously start changing my mind about things.. which honestly i dont think is a bad thing cause this only means that they are good to us and we are good to them!
but i totally hear you about not having it your way cause u are too busy having it their way, but i pray for all of us that Inshallah everything turns out well on the day off and as long as everything goes smoothly and well we wont even remember the hurdles we had in making decisions you know :) so hang in there! you can do it :D and Inshallah your wedding will be amazing!! when is the wedding?
I havent read other msgs as yet but i can tell u one thing for sure, it happens… same is happening with me at the moment :-/ ;((((…i know the feeeling, sigh …
and specially when i talk abt the details that matter to me 1: good makeup..2: photography..3: vedio.....lol my dad's spending alot already but when i talk to them abt these details that i want someone of my own choice for photography n all, they all r all : itna b kia karna lol..pictures to aur b photographers hain hi , y the one u talk abt? and my brothers wo b sab mil k shuroo ho jatay hain...u r too much.leave that to ourselves...plus some intervention from inlaws, some rawaaaj etc etc....i too sometimes feeel the same, wheres my day then? sometimes its irritating
but ya pics and video is so important to me as well especially pics cause like thats all you have left of the wedding day and I want those to awesomeeeeee but i get treated the same way!!! grrrr lol my brother is an awesomeeeeee photographer so everyones like tell him to take pics but he was like i will take pics when i can but let her have a photographer she wants cause i want to enjoy her wedding so that thankfully made them quit but the photographer and stuff still needs the approval from the in laws they will probably think its too much :S
