I don’t know if there is a similar thread to this, but how do you go about entertaining your guests? At a religious wedding there will be segregation and no music. Other than playing nasheeds and duff, what else can you do? I’m sure people will get bored if there’s no music and dancing…
I know you can still do other things like speeches, slideshows, etc.
How else do you go about ensuring your wedding isn’t ‘boring’ but still follows Islamic rules?
Also, where does the stage go? And do the bride and groom sit together? How exactly does that work at a segregated wedding?!
Sorry if these seem like basic questions. I’m just super clueless!
The one segregated wedding I had they played nasheed's and they had two separate stages- the bride sat on one, the groom sat on his own in the adjacent hall. i get that there are religious reasons for it, but it was a really strange experience for me. if you want to be so religious, then why not just have a smaller, family-only affair so that the parda doesn't apply? why still invite 200 guests and separate them? also, how does it work post-marriage? its not like the brides and grooms live their lives separately so is the segregation for the benefit of the bride and groom, or for the guests?
There was no dancing and typical Desi shadi music on my wedding. However, people sat with others they were close and supposedly had a fine time socializing. We only invited people we get to meet more often. We had a small program which was 20-30 mins long and that's it. People interacted with each other, they came on the stage and chatted with us. We had about 100 or so guests I think.
My wedding was not a religious or segregated wedding.
I'd assumed that was one reason a lot of religious families chose to have separate parties for the girls and guys.. If music is the problem the girls maybe sing and dance with each other instead?
Sorry.. not too sure as I've seen segregated weddings with dancing but then again they were prob not as conservative as the first post is talking about..
Brother #1 had a segregated wedding. Everyone of us from the grooms side hated it. It was quite emotional for us as this was the first sibling to be married after the death of our father. Mum, i and all sisters went to stand at the entrance of the men's hall, where we had a clear view of the nikah. My brother could see us quite clearly , and looked at us the entire time. Right after his 'you are now married', and he hugged my other bro, nephews and elders,he immediately walked to us and we all had a massive teary group hug.
The reason for the segregated wedding was for religious reasons but primarily it was so my new SIL could wear a white non Desi style wedding dress, and hair up do etc.
My other bro or nephews are not in any of the family wedding pics as my SIL had pics taken without her being covered up. Majority of pics are of her, her family, myself, my Mum and sisters. No bro's or other men from groom's side in official pics. After 8 yrs of marriage, my this brother still refuses to look at his wedding pics and video.
Brother # 2 due to the above first wedding had the most funnest, hulla gulla, laid back , " everyone is invited" to this wedding affair. No cheeziness, but a lovely wedding ,where all family was invited (a few hundred), and very, very close friends. All family group pics were taken with brothers, brothers in laws etc.
The one wedding I know of where the men and women were separated was as follows:
Men on one side, women on the other. Bride and groom in their respective sections. No stage. Bride and groom seated on nicer sofas but at the same level as guests. People socialized, went up to see the bride or groom depending on which section they belonged to. Dinner was served separate. No one was bored as the families were very warm and took care of the guests real well. There was NO music of any kind, not even instrumental or Arabic Nasheed. I know a few ladies who attended the event, and even though they are not super religious but moderate types, they came back with an amazing experience.
Most weddings I go to are segregated, yet I still enjoy attending them. This is what happens: Usually we have a stage only on the bride's side, while the groom sits at the head table along with father of the bride, his father, and other bazurgh. There's usually a male and female photographer taking shots on each side, and dinner and everything is served separately. Right at the end of the wedding the non-family guest members automatically start putting their coats on and go home, while the groom makes an entrance onto the bride's side and sits on the stage with her and takes photos, and family members come up one by one for the photo sessions.
It's an unwritten rule that anyone who is uncomfortable with a mixed gathering usually goes home by this point - only family members remain, and those who do hijab from men just put their scarves on and kind of stay at different ends of the room. It's very automatic and no-one feels uncomfortable (at least I never have!)
All weddings in my family are segregated but we're not very conservative so the groom remains seated on the female side for most of the wedding. He might pop into the men's side for a moment but that's about it. By the end of the wedding the close male members of the family will have entered the female side for the larger group photographs.
Is music really that important? At a non-mehndi type event music is irrelevant because no one's even listening to it. Music is only memorable if you're the unfortunate soul sitting in front of the speaker. People only care about the bride and groom and the meeting and greeting and then the food.
Most of the weddings in my family are similar to the ones described in the last two posts.
I've been to a wedding like the one you described in your original post, where there is no music and men and women are sitting separately. I think what made it good was that the bride and groom on either side were walking around and speaking and interacting with the guests. That's the best you can do I guess.
All weddings in my family are segregated but we're not very conservative so the groom remains seated on the female side for most of the wedding. He might pop into the men's side for a moment but that's about it. By the end of the wedding the close male members of the family will have entered the female side for the larger group photographs.
Is music really that important? At a non-mehndi type event music is irrelevant because no one's even listening to it. Music is only memorable if you're the unfortunate soul sitting in front of the speaker. People only care about the bride and groom and the meeting and greeting and then the food.
Keeps the drivers, groom's friends, random uncles with no relation out. Just because someone doesn't observe purdah doesn't mean they want to be decked like a chamak challo in front of strangers.
Keeps the drivers, groom's friends, random uncles with no relation out. Just because someone doesn't observe purdah doesn't mean they want to be decked like a chamak challo in front of strangers.
:/I'm pretty sure majority of those na mehrams saw the decked out chamak challo on her way in to the ladies side, no?
Personally I don't enjoy segregated shaadi's at all ... I like to enjoy an event WITH my husband at the same table as me and not in some other room.
Reminds me of a wedding where all the men were kicked out so the girls could perform a dance for the mehndi. Meanwhile the waiters, photographer, videographer etc (all male) were there. So......what was the point?
Keeps the drivers, groom's friends, random uncles with no relation out. Just because someone doesn't observe purdah doesn't mean they want to be decked like a chamak challo in front of strangers.
Right, but it's okay for them to be decked out in front of the groom and his family, but not their own husbands, fathers, brothers, etc. Forcing your guests to segregate while you don't seems quite hypocritical IMO.
Weddings are not for entertaining guests, people. WEDDINGS ARE NOT FOR ENTERTAINING GUESTS.
For God sake, if they want to be entertained, they can go to Umar Shareef stage drama. They come there to be part of your happiness, not to watch a show.
Here are my suggestions.
1) Make sure that people sit around Banquet style tables so they can socialize.
2) Have a printed program at every table so people know the arrival of barat time, nikah time and dinner time, and strictly follow that schedule. People get bored when things are getting delayed and they have no idea what is going on.
3) Have hosts on both men and women side keep going from table to table for small talk with every guest, and introduce guests on each table to each other, so they can socialize. It's very irritating when family from both sides keep giggling at their reserved tables, while rest of the guests sit at back tables like ulloos.
4) Have plenty of appetizers available from the beginning. No one feels bored when they are eating.
5) if possible, have a separate section for kids with some games and stuff for them. Have an adult or two there all the time to watch.
6) Have good items for dinner.
At the end, no one will remember your wedding for the theme or entry songs or dance numbers, but for the arrangement, food and on schedule execution.
Oh, and have the segregation intention printed on the invitation with a remark that kids play room is available. That way people would know the arrangement ahead of time and will plan or RSVP accordingly
Right, but it's okay for them to be decked out in front of the groom and his family, but not their own husbands, fathers, brothers, etc. Forcing your guests to segregate while you don't seems quite hypocritical IMO.
I disagree. As TLK mentioned - the wedding is about sharing the happiness of the couple, not about catering for the likes and dislikes of the guests. If that's how THEY feel comfortable doing it, then let them do it. Re what Wendy said - yes it's nice to spend time with your husband at an event, but again, you're being invited to SOMEONE ELSE'S function, so it's not your place to dictate how that function should be carried out (not saying you are, just making a point!)
As far as it being hypocritical to 'force' your guests to segregate (it's not really forcing if you're going there invited and you have the freedom to leave whenever you want lol), couldn't the same be said for women who don't wear hijab on a regular basis but will wear it when going to the mosque or offering prayers?
It's not really anyone's place to judge the intentions behind why someone has a segregated wedding - but if they feel comfortable doing that and it makes them happy, then I say be happy for them.