I have received 3 different opinions on the engagement period specially for an arranged marriage:
Its the best & the peak time of your life, you should communicate a lot and try to know the other person? Talk all nights, know what is going on, communicate what you like and dont like, have the typical fights. But people think that mostly the charm gets lost in this phase since you already know lots about the other person.
Keep communication but to a limited level - preferably not every day and dont tell everythign about you and your famiyl so soon. The other person may not perceive thigns same way. Its better to understand and observe more. You will have charm left after marriage too and you wouldnt be part of a monotonous routine. Its best to leave things unknown for later too.
Have no communication. Period!
What do you think is best for the engagement period?
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
I think it is best to keep it limited. You don't have to actively work to do that, no need to ignore the other person. Instead, keep doing what you do and think of it as an addition in your life rather than the only thing in your life. Talking all night is a major no-no. Whatever happens, engagement or otherwise, there should be some level of tact employed in how much you confide about your family and friends. Family, because I have seen cases where every little thing about family is told to the SO and in moments of anger later on, or otherwise, certain things are dredged up again and noone likes to hear anything about their family. Basically talk about the positive things, brush over the negative. Like Islam tells us to do.
"Logon ke aib chupao, Qayamat ke roz Allah apke aib chupaye ga"
Monotony will come, sooner or later. That isn't why you shouldn't confide all. It's more about being wise about the consequences of what you say or do, not just in engagement or this particular relationship, but in any and all.
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
We weren't allowed to talk on the phone during our engagement period. Once we had our nikah we were able to talk on the phone. I would go with # 2 during the engagement period.
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
The communication level is determined by the individual families and some families still don't allow for any contact at all during the engagement period.
I think, it should be limited contact. This will serve the prupose of getting to know while keeping the chances of problems at minimum as compared to very open and unlimited contact and communication. Shaadi k baad tau poori life kaan khanay hi hain aik doosrey ke. So better to keep all this khich khich for after the marriage :p
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
I have received 3 different opinions on the engagement period specially for an arranged marriage:
Its the best & the peak time of your life, you should communicate a lot and try to know the other person? Talk all nights, know what is going on, communicate what you like and dont like, have the typical fights. But people think that mostly the charm gets lost in this phase since you already know lots about the other person.
Keep communication but to a limited level - preferably not every day and dont tell everythign about you and your famiyl so soon. The other person may not perceive thigns same way. Its better to understand and observe more. You will have charm left after marriage too and you wouldnt be part of a monotonous routine. Its best to leave things unknown for later too.
Have no communication. Period!
What do you think is best for the engagement period?
IMHO, communication is key and it will either make or break your relationship.
modest amount of communication in order to get know more about fiance is good
irrelevant talk and too much frankness is not good
night time is not good time to talk.
it is better to someone between you to monitor your activities.
3 or 4 time communication is ok. if you still cant understand your future spouse then you should break engagement.
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
We weren't allowed to talk on the phone during our engagement period. Once we had our nikah we were able to talk on the phone. I would go with # 2 during the engagement period.
i know few families still dont allow communication after nikkah.
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
when you say get to know the guy.
What is really mean to you?
Well I don't really know how else to say it apart from getting to know him!
Maybe: his personality, his behaviour, his morals, etc etc etc
I just don't think meeting 2 or 3 times is going to be enough. He could easily act differently in those couple of times. Likewise I'm probably going to feel embarassed and awkward the first couple of times I meet him too.
You're going to spend AN ENTIRE lifetime with him! Surely, meeting up regularly like for coffees or lunches every now and then can only be a good thing? I'm not saying to get so close that you act like you're already married but at the same time I don't want to marry a stranger...!
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
Well I don't really know how else to say it apart from getting to know him!
Maybe: his personality, his behaviour, his morals, etc etc etc
I just don't think meeting 2 or 3 times is going to be enough. He could easily act differently in those couple of times. Likewise I'm probably going to feel embarassed and awkward the first couple of times I meet him too.
You're going to spend AN ENTIRE lifetime with him! Surely, meeting up regularly like for coffees or lunches every now and then can only be a good thing? I'm not saying to get so close that you act like you're already married but at the same time I don't want to marry a stranger...!
Re: Engagement - Should you communicate a lot or keep it limited?
i know few families still dont allow communication after nikkah.
Why not? I personally don't understand this at all.. Islamically they're husband and wife. Why can't they meet each other? As I keep saying: they're going to get married for life.
My parents got married to each other without ever even seeing each other. Though they're still married 20 years later, it's been a tough time and it's made me honestly believe that engagement should definitely be a time to get to know who your future partner is.