engagement ring - who puts it on?

[Apricot]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

im in pak..and in my engagement and those of my friends..the couples put it on each other!not the moms!

[Shak]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

@ekumunng

I think it should be taken as a mark of respect and importance given to the mother to do this on groom’s behalf.
**
You guys should be worried when she asks to accompany you on honeymoon, then its getting out of control**

[system]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

[saimab33]

engagement ring - who puts it on?

My mil put the ring on me at my engagement. My fiancé didn't get a ring, he got a watch which my dad put on for him. At our wedding, we put the rings on each other. It's a desi thing I guess.

[rabia3983]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

@noor321

Ha! Sometimes I can’t believe the things us desis do in the name of Islam and culture. They are perfectly fine with having a engagement party or other wedding events where the bride and groom sit together before the Nikah and are usually sat very close to each other but still find it necessary to exchange rings through the elders like WTF! You are fine with them sitting together, where they are bound to touch each other either purposely or by mistake! Oh and the very obvious thing since when has having engagements, mehndis and shaadis parties the way we have allowed in Islam. Either follow it or don’t contradict it in the same event. I mean seriously!!!

actually in the families where they don’t let the bride and groom exchange the rings…they also don’t let them sit very close together. They sit in separate chairs, or a lot of space btw them. I have seen this happen here in the US as well. I don’t agree with this, but thats how it was done at my own engagement…i didn’t make a fuss about it…and tell you the truth…look at the big picture, does it really matter who puts it on.

[Atate]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

In my family it is strictly forbidden for a guy and a girl to interact before wedding.No chai kee trays/ how much he earns.

[EngrFatima]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

in my family and in my fiance’s, the elders put the ring or shawl or whatever, but that changed in our time. My fiance and I exchanged rings. It was the first in both families, and only because he made a fuss that he wanted to dress me the ring himself.

[gudiaali]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

engagement ceremonies are done in different way in Pakistan, nothing to do with Islam, mehram, na mehram thing though, it has more to do with the traditions. Few of the engagement set ups:

1. 2 separate functions take place. Girls family host a function where guys family come without the guy and guy's mom put the ring on girl. Second function is hosted by guy's family where girl's family go without a girl and either a girls mom or girls father put on a ring on guy. mostly in Pakistan, the tradition is to give wrist watch to the guy and not the ring though.

2. one common function is hosted by girl & guy families, girl and guy are present but rings are put on by the moms. and girl and guy doesn't sit side by side.

3. Common function, girl and guy sits together side by side but again rings are put on by moms.

4. girl and guy sits together and put on the rings to each other themselves.

5. Girl and guy enter to the ceremony venue together,walking side by side up till the stage. sits together and put the rings to each other themselves.

when scenario 5, happens in some families in my khandan the other families would make snide comments like HAW HAW girl and guy are not married to each other and they are going up to the stage together, lols.

[NaMaan]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

... And all the guys here must be thinking how the hell women come up with these Kinda issues .... :D

[Sweetmoi]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

Not a big deal at all who puts it on. Its a ring, not mang ka sindoor hehe.

[ehl-e-chamman]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

double post

[ehl-e-chamman]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

@NaMaan

... And all the guys here must be thinking how the hell women come up with these Kinda issues .... :D

... and some women too.

[bella88]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

I still think it's a little out of control for the mom to take that step, but whatever, I'm too amreekan I guess. Marriage is between husband and wife, not husband's mom and wife.

I wish that were true!
seems like desi marriages is more between DIL and MIL than husband and wife. women have to put up with their saas all day long.

[coffeegirl]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

Also I heard from my cousin,

there is another way to do the rasam.

Boy's side of the family come to the function ( big or small) hosted by the girls side but the boy does not come and the boy's mum puts the ring on the girls hand .

[bella88]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

As long as the ring is nice, who cares who puts it on.

[candy_apple]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

^ It matters. NO one but the hubby should be putting that ring on. ANY MIL who prefers to put the ring on her DIL instead of letting her son do it.....be warned....she will be one to watch out for after marriage. This shows her controlling nature from the get-go. A big red flag.

[gudiaali]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

^ It matters. NO one but the hubby should be putting that ring on. ANY MIL who prefers to put the ring on her DIL instead of letting her son do it.....be warned....she will be one to watch out for after marriage. This shows her controlling nature from the get-go. A big red flag.

not true at all. all these Rasams are more to do with the traditions and do not reflect anyone's personality/nature.
MIL putting on a ring to her would be DIL doesn't mean she is controlling and MIL who let her son puts the ring on doesn't mean that she can't be controlling.

[candy_apple]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

not true at all. all these Rasams are more to do with the traditions and do not reflect anyone's personality/nature. MIL putting on a ring to her would be DIL doesn't mean she is controlling and MIL who let her son puts the ring on doesn't mean that she can't be controlling.

Is the MIL marrying the DIL or is it her son? If she is not controlling, why can't she let her son put the ring on his wife?

You are entitled to your opinion, but to me that screams controlling.

[Mezhgan]

Re: engagement ring - who puts it on?

I'm inclined to think that the tradition of the mother-in-law putting the ring on her future daughter-in-law is a specific cultural tradition as I've never seen this done in my culture. It may reflect personality in some cases, but I think it is fair to say that the practice is primarily cultural.

[S_and_S]

engagement ring - who puts it on?

^ Agreed. But I think it goes back to people's belief in the girl and guy not being mehram yet for each other. Someone made a point that that applies to mothers putting the ring on their future son in law as well so I think it's more conservatism twisted with culture because "baron ki Ba'ath har dafa alag ho ja thi hai."

It's a family preference thing I think but people use the mehram reasoning as their claim to it. There's no other reason I've heard when its done that way. It never came up at my engagement but I know my mom would of felt more shy than me if she had, had to put the ring on my fiancé lol.