Hi! So it looks like the fam is finally on the same page with an engagement (keeping my fingers crossed because there’s still >month to go) but I was wondering–are formal engagements the new trend??
I’m kinda confused on how to dress/what to do. We’re traveling to the SO’s state for the event since he has a large extended family in the area and it’d be more convenient for the most people. It’s a little complicated because the first night our immediate families are doing a baat pakki and then the next day, From what I understand, the SO wants to have a dawat at his place with is aunts/uncles/cousins (approx 50-60 ppl) and he’ll give me the ring then and ta-da we’ll be engaged.
Now…most of the engagements that I’ve seen involve a more “formal” event; even if it’s at home, it’s more of a ceremony than a dawat. So now I’m confused. I want to look nice because welll…I only plan on getting engaged once and (because I’m vain) for pictures and whatnot but I don’t want to overdo it either. Do I wear a dupatta over my head? If I wear a tikka is that ridiculous?? Mehndi or no mehndi?
Of course I asked the BF and he’s clueless. “girls don’t wear mehndi on engagements. duh” → exact response when I asked.
I’m trying to figure out what to do…especially with hair and makeup. I’m pretty good with makeup myself and don’t really know what to do with my hair but again, don’t want to overdo it.
im probably not the best person to answer this as i never had an engagement and am a bit of an non-following outlier when it comes to keeping up with a million desi traditions .... BUT my understanding is that ... girls who are having a nikah at their engagement dress up mehndi n all.
a simple old engagement is just an event where you are promising to marry each other publicly with an exchange of a ring. so in my eyes it essentially is no more then a dawat. now you can make the dawat as formal or casual as you like.
if I were you .... i'd keep it simple but nice. a semi formal dress. no henna. not overly blingy. no dupatta on head ...
Obviously you can wear everything however you like it. I'd recommend no dupatta UNLESS you know there's a stage and even then it's up to you, but maybe get your hair done/blowdried, etc. Not necessarily an updo, but just have it styled nicely. Do nice coordinated jewelry. A teeka would be nice.
i had a function at home. i wore a nice heavy suit with light dupatta..but on head. i had a tikka and one line patterned mendhi on each hands as well as bangles on each hands. makeup was also professional.... looked like a mini bride and every body loved it.
i would say go for pastel ,light colors. the suit should be a heavy formal. even just a formal will do since the duppatta on head will make you look different than the guest anyways.
I had my engagement party at home, there were about 50 people there between my family and his. I wore a formal shalwar kameez with the dupatta on my head (I had a long side braid made with a hair extension and parandha) and had a small/medium teeka, light jewelry and normal evening makeup....no mehndi.
Ok so I’m still on the fence about the dupatta over my head and when I asked my BF he said to ask his SIL because he doesn’t know. But that we’re gonna sit and do rasams and ring exchange and then just eat. So it’s a little more structured than I had initially thought.
Mehndi probably won’t happen just because he’s in another state and I don’t care enough to find someone to do it. Makeup I’ll do on my own…is a smokey eye too much for a day time mangni? My eyes are my focal point with makeup usually so it’s hard for me to remember to tone it down sometimes.
For hair I was debating either having it all down with some
Volume and curls like:
Both mine and my cousins engagements were in a hall with 50/60 guests. As there was a stage we wore our dupattas on our head. She wore a light pink lehngha with delicate and light embroidery; i wore a very pale green and lilac gharara. Both had minimal jewellery, very light make up, no smokey eye and no mehndi. It was fitting to the event. As yours is at home i wouldn't wear a tikka or mehndi, but would consider putting duppata on head if i felt it was very formal. What's you fiance wearing? A suit? If so I'd given with duppata on head. You can always take it off after rasms. I don't.think you should blend into the.guests but at.the same time shouldn't look ott ( though even if you do, its ok as your a bride to be). I say chill, and enjoy your day. Just do what's comfortable. X
I didnt have an engagement but had a nikah at home , it was just mine and his immediate family. I wore a semi formal chiffon outfit with dopatta on head but had loose hair on side, just a little gloss and matching chooriyan. I love mehndi but didnt have time for that as i went to work in the morning and had my nikah in the evening.
I had my baat pakki and engagement both at home.. the engagement was like a year later but really only because we both grew up in the West and we wanted the ring thing. THe baat pakki was the bigger deal - all of his family came over and we had some friends from our side. The engagement was just our immediate families
I wore a dupatta on my head on both occasions but I also do Hijab! I would dress up anyway YOU want. I don't think the bride can ever be over dressed :) If I were you, I would wear a dupatta on my head with my hair down with loose curls (like ^). Don't do the mehendi and keep your jewellery minimal - you can wear earrings and a necklace if you feel that a teeka might be too much.
Since there will be alot of family there, there definitely will be rasms and I do think that a bride can't really be under dressed :) Dress according to what makes you happy and comfortable - it's your day to shine!
Yes to hair down and styled somehow
yes to formal / heavy outfit but maybe in a lighter colour
yes to small teeka and earrings
maybe to dupatta - if it's light enough, why not? Esp since there will be a few rasms.
Maybe to mehendi - light pattern if you can find someone to do it.
No to smoky eyes - how about a pastel shimmery eye instead? Figure out what you are wearing first.
I would say - there are no rules!! And what's the difference between a 'dawat' and a 'formal event' anyway? I preferred to have my engagement just with my immediate family and my SO's. I didn't cover my head b/c to be honest it would be covered all three of my shadi functions and I didn't want to make this a huge deal. We didn't have a huge thing where I walk in etc. I just came in at the end and my mom walked me in. Had some simple henna done (by my sis), had my make up and hair done (left it down), and wore a small tikka. Everything else I wore was from my in laws - suit/earrings/shoes etc. Don't get too bogged down by the details!
The difference between engagement and wedding is that everything is toned down a bit. For example, the dress should be a heavy formal where as its not like something you would wear to someone else's engagement.
Dupatta on the head draped lightly would look nice with hair loosely on the sides. You could have curls and pull them all on one side or just pull half of the hair back loosely. As long as you don't wear a matha patti or a huge tikka it wont be a problem. A small tikka, necklace and earrings will look nice. A little bit of mehndi, like a simple flower in the middle and a quarter of your fingers done would look nice.
Makeup also try to stay more on natural side. Don't use dark lip color or something shocking like red or pink, go for a neutral color. And don't do smoky eyes that will be too much. Keep eye shadow a neutral color with a winge eyeliner and mascara.
A small amount of chooriyan will look nice as well.
I hope it helps
So the key to engagement look is look more elegant, simple, and classy and don't over do it. :)
I just meant by formal event , as in there would be an entrance and a stage where i would have to sit vs I just walk into the house like a guest and mingle with everyone/no stage. But it looks like what they’re gonna do is have a type of setup where we come in and sit on the couch/chairs and they do the rasam/ring exchange and then we eat. The ‘entrance’ and if we’re gonna have one/not is what’s holding me back from wearing a dupatta over my head. I just think it might be weird to walk in like a normal dawat gues with a dupatta over my head…but I tend to overanalyze things and might be thinking too much into it.
I think if you can, get in touch with the SIL and just ask her up front to avoid anything you don't know about their family's way of doing things. Some families go more out than others.. I know my in-laws are more simple and my mom's punjabi side is more showy, so it also depends on the family.
I personally would avoid the smoky eye and leave the dramatic makeup for the actual valima. I would do a light mehndi pattern on my hand - but that's mostly because I love mehndi, but if you don't have the time then it's not a big deal.
I would pick a really nice suit - a bit heavy as it is your engagement and I would drape the dupatta in a way that I can easily put it over my head for rasams. The only reason I'm saying ask your future SIL , is she probably is more familiar with her family's customs and what will work best for you. If that's not an option then I would leave my hair down and styled. A small and simple tikka would look nice. I don't really think you can go wrong as it is your engagement and it seems like they are planning to make it a bit formal. Avoid dark lips and dark eye makeup - I think light makeup that you can do yourself will look good.
