I think if you can, get in touch with the SIL and just ask her up front to avoid anything you don't know about their family's way of doing things. Some families go more out than others.. I know my in-laws are more simple and my mom's punjabi side is more showy, so it also depends on the family.
I personally would avoid the smoky eye and leave the dramatic makeup for the actual valima. I would do a light mehndi pattern on my hand - but that's mostly because I love mehndi, but if you don't have the time then it's not a big deal.
I would pick a really nice suit - a bit heavy as it is your engagement and I would drape the dupatta in a way that I can easily put it over my head for rasams. The only reason I'm saying ask your future SIL , is she probably is more familiar with her family's customs and what will work best for you. If that's not an option then I would leave my hair down and styled. A small and simple tikka would look nice. I don't really think you can go wrong as it is your engagement and it seems like they are planning to make it a bit formal. Avoid dark lips and dark eye makeup - I think light makeup that you can do yourself will look good.
Thanks! Yeah I was thinking of shooting the SIL an email to see what she says. I asked my BF again but he said that he doesn't know because everyone in his family wears hijab so they all had something over their heads anyways whenever they were getting engaged...so basically, not helpful lol.
Walking into their house with a dupatta over my head might make me feel weird so depending on what the SIL says, I might just style my hair and then if they want, I can pin the dupatta for the rasams. I'll find out though.
The other question I had is what do people give the guy for the engagement? My parents are giving clothes to the sister/SIL/MIL and I'm assuming stuff for the brother/FIL. Do people do watches at the engagement? We're doing the ring at the wedding and all the shaadis I've gone to give the guy a watch then too...so I don't know...Any ideas? My parents seem fairly clueless as well.
The other question I had is what do people give the guy for the engagement? My parents are giving clothes to the sister/SIL/MIL and I'm assuming stuff for the brother/FIL. Do people do watches at the engagement? We're doing the ring at the wedding and all the shaadis I've gone to give the guy a watch then too...so I don't know...Any ideas? My parents seem fairly clueless as well.
Watches are good and my parents gifted my hubby a really nice dress shirt and tie. It depends on what your BF will like.
If he's more into watches then you can do that or a nice shirt and tie combo is cool too.
Watches are good and my parents gifted my hubby a really nice dress shirt and tie. It depends on what your BF will like.
If he's more into watches then you can do that or a nice shirt and tie combo is cool too.
Lol his bday is in September so I was casually asking him about presents and he made it clear that he has more than enough fancy watches (I counted 5 last time I was at his place) so I don't think he cares. I just didn't want to look like an idiot when his parents gave me 9283728 presents (they're buying me a ton of stuff...) and we show up with something lame.
Lol his bday is in September so I was casually asking him about presents and he made it clear that he has more than enough fancy watches (I counted 5 last time I was at his place) so I don't think he cares. I just didn't want to look like an idiot when his parents gave me 9283728 presents (they're buying me a ton of stuff...) and we show up with something lame.
I know guys are always harder to shop for. If he's really into watches - you can get him those watch holders, kind of like a mens jewelry box.
Or a really nice wallet if he's into that. If he's into clothes then maybe go with the shirt/tie deal.
Is he into adventure sports? I gave my husband a flying lesson once- not for the engagement- but if he’s one of those “already has everything” types then you need to think out of the box. Maybe put together an adventure package? Or how about a really manly bit of fancy luggage like a weekender bag? Have a look at the GQ guide for ideas- Shop Like A GQ Editor Holiday Shopping 2013
Ok so apparently there's no entrance per se for the engagement. Should I just walk in with a dupatta on/tikka and stuff? Or come in, say Salam and go pin it right before the rasams start?
I definitely want to take the dupatta off before we eat and stuff. It's mostly just for pictures
If it's just for a few photos during the rasams, I wonder if your mom or his family has an old/heirloom dupatta that can be put on you or both of you during the rasams. That way you don't have to change the way you pin your own dupatta :D.
If it's just for a few photos during the rasams, I wonder if your mom or his family has an old/heirloom dupatta that can be put on you or both of you during the rasams. That way you don't have to change the way you pin your own dupatta :D.
Oh, that's a cute idea! I know my mom has some of her wedding kapray still but we don't have an heirloom piece per se. We could start one!
Honestly, it's up to you! I had my engagement at my house with my very close friends present, but he had a big family who traveled 4-5 hours and in total we had about 50-60 people. I had originally wanted a very simple engagement, but since there were more people, I stepped it up a little. There was a backdrop that was set up in my living room with two chairs for me and him, all decorated for picture purposes, and I wore the dupatta on my head but had my hair loosely curled and in a side pony. I didn't wear a tika because I would feel too dressed up, but I did have some light mehndi (I did one hand and my sister did the other at like midnight haha!). My sister also did my makeup only because I wanted a little eyeshadow and I'm not good at that. The point is, if you want a tika and mehndi and a whole bridal updo etc, then go for it. If not, it's fine. I think it's a good idea to talk to him and see what page their family is on with this so one side is not expecting something very different than the other. Congratulations, it's the best feeling to know you're finally engaged! Enjoy :)
Oh and in terms of the "entrance" stuff- I didn't really have one. I was upstairs in my parents' room waiting for his family to get there (their room has the best view of the driveway so I could know when they would be here!) and after some time so people could get settled and feel comfortable, his sisters came upstairs to tell me to come down. I came down the stairs with my friends, where my fiance was waiting, and then we walked into my living room together (right next to the stairs).
On second thought, I guess that was an entrance haha. It just was very natural with no music or planning. Whatever makes you feel comfortable and represents you guys!
Ok so apparently there's no entrance per se for the engagement. Should I just walk in with a dupatta on/tikka and stuff? Or come in, say Salam and go pin it right before the rasams start?
I definitely want to take the dupatta off before we eat and stuff. It's mostly just for pictures
I stayed in a bedroom with my friends and sisters until my husband and his family arrived. After they settled in and sat down, I came out with my sisters and was seated beside him...the rasm/ring exchange started, after the photos were taken, I unpinned the dupatta off my head and wore it draped on one shoulder, regular style.
I stayed in a bedroom with my friends and sisters until my husband and his family arrived. After they settled in and sat down, I came out with my sisters and was seated beside him...the rasm/ring exchange started, after the photos were taken, I unpinned the dupatta off my head and wore it draped on one shoulder, regular style.
I guess my entrance is gonna be me walking into their house...lol I just have to ask him if we're doing the rasams right at the beginning (which makes more sense to me) or if i have to come in and say salam to everyone and do the dawaat-mingling stuff (in which case, I'm probably gonna not have my dupatta over my head).
So because everything was so last minute with preps, I didn't get an engagement suit made. My grandparents just happened to send a formal outfit and my mom got matching jewelry (earrings and a tikka) with it so I guess I'm gonna have to go with that. :S Not my first choice since it's...BLACK. But I don't know what else to do and I guess it's good that i have SOMETHING. I have a pretty fancy sari my friend got from india that's salmon colored but I think that's gonna be wayyyyy too much for this type of event --even though i'd rather wear that color.
The black suit has a sleeveless black and gold long kameez and a really light black jackety type thing that you wear over it; that overlying layer is fullsleeved and has gold work on it running down the middle where it opens to reveal the sleeveless kameez. The dupatta is also black but has gold kaam on the corners. The jacket has a slight train at the back and it's a black chooridaar pajama that goes under (though you can barely see it since the kameez is so long).
There isn't a LOT of kaam by any means on the outfit, so if the "entrance" and rasam stuff is the way I'm expecting, I'm gonna pin the dupatta over my head to make it look a little more bridal vs not.
Given my clothes, I'm thinking of doing a shimmery gold eye and keeping it super light. I was originally going to go to MAC and get it done but I don't want them to cake anything on. I'm fairly good with makeup so I think I'm gonna attempt to do that myself.
So the in-laws have sprung a new idea on me and I'm kinda confused as to whether that's how things work and I'm just doing it wrong and overly modern or something lol.
Initially my bf had told me that what they were going to do is have 2 chairs that were close to each other but still an appropriate distance apart; I'd come in and sit down; we'd do the ring / watch exchange (his mom would have to put the ring on me UGH and my father would put the watch on him--not a fan of that whole thing but whatever); people would feed us mithai/give us the flower necklaces and whatnot, we'd take pics and then eat. That's cool. But apparently his family is saying that that's not right and what they want to do is:
have me come in and like stand off to the side or sit somewhere that's not anywhere close to the BF. They're gonna give him the necklace, have my dad put the watch on him, feed him mithai and when they're done, he's gonna get up and leave and go off to the side and I'll come sit in his place and they'll do the same thing. Then at the end we can maybe take a few pictures together.
I wasn't too happy with the situation because 1) that's awk as heck to just stand there in the corner all dressed up like mini bride 2) it seems like the most inefficient use of time ever and choppy in terms of flow 3) I kinda want candid pics of the rasams WITH my fiance instead of like 1-2 awkward forced posed pictures where we still have to be standing arms length away.
I told my bf that but he said that his sister told him that the way they want to do it is the "normal" way it works. I've been to a couple engagements, and I know that they weren't hyderabadi (my in-laws are) but...that definitely isn't how it worked. Is that normal!? I'm trying not to be bridezilla already at the engagement and start drama but that sounds miserable and not very fun.
You will ruin your own big day with all your self made stress.
it is not like the sil has made a written down plan of how they will walk how they will sit .. it is just her plan but when they come everything will go with the flow so both family are comfortable.