hii all..I have been a silent viewer of this forum .this is my first post and its about my cousin(male).My cousin is well settled and is mashaAllah earning well plus he is very shy and humble guy and he has never been involved in any love affair or something like that.About 3 mths back his family started looking for his rishta but uncle aunti both are very simple and really they dont go for looks etc.So somebody told them about a girl tht if you want then u may go n see tht girl..so my uncle aunti asked my cousin to go with them and have a look.My cousin was a bit reluctant but they insisted and he got ready to go with them.When they reached the girl’s home ,they saw the girl already sitting on the sofa.She stood up and met with aunti and again sat on sofa…According to my cousin that he only put a glance on her and didn’t notice anything.Anyways the girl had 5 sisters ,so they came infront of my cousin and asked him his phone number etc.They didn’t say “haan” at that time.Anyways next day the girl’s family came to their house and said that we like ur son etc etc and hamari taraf se baat pakki hai..aap log nikah k liey aa jaaiye…my uncle and aunt asked my cousin about the girl and he said ok to her.So they decided to do a small rasam with only immediate family members coz all his siblings were settled in foreign so Nikkah was not possible on urgent notice.Anyways..after 2 0r 3 days my cousin’s family went for rasam with few relatives and obviously the girl sat beside my cousin.So there was exchange of rings etc..and then somebody asked the couple to stand up for pics.So when both of them stood up the boy noticed that girl’s height was very short..her height was hardly 4 feet 9 inches (according to some ppl who were there)(BTW my cousin is 5 feet 10 inches).She was wearing very high heels but still could not reach his shoulder even.Every body noticed it but at that time they couldn’t say anything obviously.On coming back home the boy refused for marriage and asked them to break engagement but uncle aunti said k abb mangni ho gayee hai abb sooli pe charh jaao..(their exact words).but my cousin said k ye saari zindagi ka maamla hai..and he doesnt want to marry someone he is not attracted to…Everybody told uncle and aunt k larki kee height boht kum lag rahee thee as compared to boy and they noticed also that when she was sitting on sofa her feet couldnt touch the ground etc etc..but uncle aunt said k nahi iss ne mangni se pehley kyun nahi dekha and my cousin was like mujhey andaza nahi hua coz mein ne sirf aik jhalak dekhi thee..Anyways,next day the girl’s sister called the boy on mobile but he didnt answer then they called at home and talked to aunt k jeeja jee se kahen hamein kal sea view le k jaain..My aunt was worried coz my cousin wanted to break the engagement.She made some excuse etc..After that the girl herself called him so many times but he never replied.uncle aunti asked my cousin to talk to her and meet her ,ur thinkings might be changed etc etc but my cousin was like..k mein kyun baat ker k usey aas dilaaun when I am not up for it.Anyways he asked uncle aunt to break the engagement asap but they didnt agree to it coz of khof e Khuda .All of them were upset but no body had the courage to go tell the girl’s family abt it.The girl called him so many times but he never received the phone,she used to send sms but he never replied coz he didnt want to continue engagement.My cousin was guilty also that he could have noticed it before engagement..Now after 3 mths one of my aunt’s friends went to girls home and made some excuse that the boy doesn’t want to get married rt now.She returned ring etc.My cousin felt relaxed but sometimes he feels guilty also.He says that I should have looked at her before engagement and perhaps wo larki abb kahin mujhey bud dua na dey blah blah.As I told you before that really he is a very shareef guy and namaazi mashaAllah.We keep on telling him k nahi koi baat nahi it was just engagement not nikkah etc (but personally I feel about that poor girl also).My cousin sometimes get upset tht why didnt he analyse her before.. uncle aunti often make him realize that he shouldnt have broken the engagement etc.He is in constant torture.What do you all guys think.Was he right in his decision to break the engagement or not?.
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tell him to relax .. hes very innocent that hes feeling mental torture over this .. his parents r blaming him too .. so sad .. :(
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God be with the girl who will marry to your cousin and come to his family.
Sorry but your cousin and his parents are selfish. your cousin was only thinking about himself and his parents were thinking about "Dunya Waley". None of them were thinking about another jeeta-jaagta human involved in this i.e The Girl.
In the end he did what he did. There is nothing much he can do now and should move on.
Its unbelievable that in the age when guys spend hours to choose sun-glasses or tie, your cousin is so choiee-moiee that he said haaan in 10 min ...
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yeah ,its unbeleivable but he is literally that chooie mooie type of guy and literally he thinks himself as being selfish.His parents were thinking about the girl actually not duniya waley coz they have their own daughters and they were saying like k hamaree apni bhee baitiaan hein..I used the word KHOF E KHUDA ...thats y they continued engagement for 3 mths coz nobody had the courage .My cousin prays for that girl's happy life coz he finds himself the culprit.I am not saying this coz he is my cousin but just that I ve seen the whole scenerio.He can do nothing obviously but move on.
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he didnt get to meet her alone even once? .. never got to see her standing? .. wow
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I feel for both the girl and the guy. I'm surprised the girl's family never mentioned her height and that she never once stood up when the families met.
On the other hand, your cousin demonstrated immaturity. I can understand him being disappointed about her height but he didn't even bother to get to know her. It's possible that us larki main woh saari khoobiyan thi kai jo woh apni zindigi kai humsafar mai chahta ho. Now it's too late.
Lesson to him - grow up, be more involved in decisions about his life, and look at/know a person for all of their traits and not just the physical ones.
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ohhh puhlease, you do not need to be a casonova to atleast look at the girl your about to marry, the fact that the OP keeps insisting hes soo shareef and namaazi is making my blood boil, hows that relevant? the fact thAt he didnt bother looking at her, got engaged, and then whooppsy daisy thinks shes abit short, and calls it off, wheres sharafat in that?and the fact that he r eads namaz, ?? pure fact is he called it off after looking at her, maybe he shouldnt have been so dam nshareef
in the first place…
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I don't think he made a bad decesion here as they are suppose to spend their life together and if one feels that they can't be happy with the person they have the right to end it before they both spend miserable life together. Almost all of us go for physical apperance so he is no different in this case.. the only thing that should have happened is they should have met each other or noticed these things before going this far.
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any way what ever happen not good and this was a nazuk mamla aur itny sharaft ki zarorat nahi thy kay bade may is tarha chor dain oppss larki to asy hay waysy hay if he was such a nice person he could have marry her and not break the marrige if he was not concern with any thing but certainly yaaad a gaya ooooo i have to see the features and every thing of a girl.
his parents are right and they are iam sure very very nice people.Allah bless them.
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have you ppl never heard of the ‘Enter’ key on your keyboards 
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He could have acted more wisely but what's done is done. No use dwelling on it now.
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Although the girl was treated like a commodity by your cousin but I feel that uski koi naiki kaam aa gaye and she got rid of your cousin. I hope she finds a decent person now. Your cousin's parents seems like nice people May Allah bless them for guiding their son.
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advice him, in future he should ask the girl not only to stand up but also spin around
don't want him coming out in the middle of suhag raat b/c her ass isn't as nice
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Although the girl was treated like a commodity by your cousin but I feel that uski koi naiki kaam aa gaye and she got rid of your cousin. I hope she finds a decent person now. Your cousin's parents seems like nice people May Allah bless them for guiding their son.
I wouldn't say that he treated her as a commodity. He just didn't take the time to do things properly in the beginning (i.e. get a good look at the girl to see if he's attracted to her at all or not). I've heard of guys being rejected by girls for the same reason, except that they didn't take it as far as an engagement. I too hope that the girl gets a good husband, inshAllah.
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I wouldn't say that he treated her as a commodity. He just didn't take the time to do things properly in the beginning (i.e. get a good look at the girl to see if he's attracted to her at all or not). I've heard of guys being rejected by girls for the same reason, except that they didn't take it as far as an engagement. I too hope that the girl gets a good husband, inshAllah.
the highlighted sentence !!! do you have any idea what the girl must have gone through ? how people must be judging her that us main koi kharabi hogi is liye mangni tor di ! all this she will have to face just because some stupid guy did not bother to have a good look at her before saying yes.
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the highlighted sentence !!! do you have any idea what the girl must have gone through ? how people must be judging her that us main koi kharabi hogi is liye mangni tor di ! all this she will have to face just because some stupid guy did not bother to have a good look at her before saying yes.
Of course I feel bad for what she went through. However, all things considered, I think it's better that they ended at that stage rather than to go through with a divorce later or her having to live with a husband who is not at all attracted to her.
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^ agree !
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Youth of today make mistakes, he and she will move on. simples.
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everyone makes mistakes. i dont know why everyone is being so harsh on him. atleast he had the decency to not take her out on dates and then dump her. it was just an engagement.everyone needs to simply move on.
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^The careless manner/method in which he went about agreeing to the rishta…WAS NOT RIGHT. He needs to improve the method. But he was “right” in breaking the engagement …rather than breaking a marriage, which would be much more worse.
*************** **Also, in the future, if your cousin does not want to marry a girl…or has decided to reject the rishta…HE AND HIS PARENTS need to HAVE THE DECENCY AND COURAGE to inform the girl’s parents themselves. Getting a family friend to reject the rishta is cowardly…and the girl’s family may have found it embarrassing even.
**To sum it up:
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If your cousin prefers having an arranged marriage…then his parents need to ask him what qualities he wants in a girl. This would be more useful than giving him the guilt-trip. That way the parents will know his criteria for a girl…BEFORE…paying a visit to the girl’s house. If the parents STILL don’t ask…then he needs to be more proactive and TELL THEM what he wants in a girl.
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Next time, he needs to do more than just a “jhalak.” Doesn’t mean that he should gawk at the girl. But there’s nothing wrong with a confident look.
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He can request his parents to ask the girl’s parents to …allow both the guy and the girl to talk to one another separately. This way…in the absence of parents…he may feel more comfortable looking at/interacting with the girl.
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If he feels “shy” or “uncomfortable” with being more proactive…then he can just read up on his Islamic rights for interacting with a candidate for marriage.