Emotional torturing by father.....

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hi everyone,
As i had mentioned in my previous thread that,I registered on a matrimonial site to find someone so that I wouldnt have to marry my cousin,and after a guy’s mother called my dad and since then the problem has started and since then i haven’t been able to have peace.Almost every time there’s quarrel and shouting and argument on me by my father because of this.I even apologized to him because of this and i even told him that i’m willing to marry my cousin but he doesn’t seem to stop all this.He has started talking many things, and in a way,has started rising questions on my character.I’m in a way emotionally tortured.I don’t have peace at any moment.Sometimes i even wish to end my own life.
What should i do?How can this all be stopped?

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

therapy..

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Why dont u tell him yr reasons for not wanting to marry yr cousin? As a father he shud understand yr concerns.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

talk to ur mom. or siblings, close relative...who can talk to u dad.

5

Just to have peace and stop all this shouting,etc,i even agreed to marry my cousin but still all in vain.

My mom has talked to him but still all in vain

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

he needs therapy

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Marriage is NOT a joke so dont treat it that way by agreeing to something you are not comfortable with from the very start. I sincerely hope you have the right reasons for your uncomfort and if it is so then you should def not compromise on it.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

But I can't take this emotional torturing almost every day :(

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

Find a way to deal with it. You cant run away from one problem to get into another. That's stupid.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

He's YOUR DAD! He cant want your bad. You just have to find a way to make him understand your reservation about this rishta.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

Talk to an elder sister or cousin if you have one. Try and make your parents understand. Also i don't think i read your other thread but what's the reason behind you not wanting to marry your cousin?

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

Cutie1, you really need to start standing up for your self!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't marry that cousin if you REALLY don't want to!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope that your parents only are doing this to "save face" and that they deep down inside don't want to go agaist your wishes!!!

I REALLY hope you don't end up like that other girls who ignored allllll advice and now shes back on the forum complaining ... I know you don't have to take the advice given on this site ... but don't rush into things... your dad might be upset for a few week, month or even years ... but sooner or later im sure he'll come around ...

Think these things thru, and do what you gotta do!!! move away ... do something ... only you can save your self from this situation ... IT ALL COMES DOWN TO HOW BAD YOU WANNA SAVE YOUR SELF!!

I PRAY PRAY AND PRAY that you don't end in a situation that could have been avoided ...

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

You put yourself up without hes knowledge seems to be the reason for his anger. He got calls from strangers asking about his daughter which made him more angry.

Maybe, his mood is like that because he suspects you of other rumbustious activities. You need to reassure or prove to him its not so.

Lets hope hes not peeping through your mobile phone next.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

**Wait a little bit, and after few days try to talk to him.

Everything will be fine insha'Allah.

And think again about the rishta. Don't do something that you'll regret after :)

**

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Start ignoring it. I know, I know, not the thing we should be doing.

You need to put up boundaries for acceptable behavior from your parents. If they are treating you like ****, you just don't respond to it. Let them know that you wont respond to them treating you that way, and go about your life. Make sure you're respectful, but not a doormat.

You father is being unreasonable. More you respond to it, better he'd know to continue that (mostly subconsciously).

DO NOT marry your cousin just because of this. Wait until he calms down. In the meantime, keep talking to your mom about this issue, as well as the "fears" your dad expresses about you. If you make sure that she understands where you are coming from, she might try explaining that to him. And it might work.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

If your father is forcing you to marry against your wishes, he's being unreasonable. But to Nutwer's point, look at it from your dad's POV - to get a call out of nowhere asking for his daughter's rishta was probably a shock and not knowing where/how you met the guy creates suspicions in his mind - even if his suspicions are wrong. You should have had someone mentally prepare him for the call.

But now it's too late. At this point you need to repair his trust in you but also carefully but clearly explain why you can't marry your cousin. Tell him that you couldn't be happy with the cousin because you have different outlooks and different approaches to life.

Hopefully with time things will get better.

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I agree with Curious Lady.

Also take a look at the comment from your post that I've highlighted. Now, that was a stupid thing to do on your part. Your father is lashing out at you....and that's a sign....of him losing control of his emotions. His anger is getting the better of him and he's being impulsive. You made a rather hasty statement in your effort to appease him. Can't fight impulse with impulse.

Your dad will eventually cool down....his anger is temporary....it's not as big a deal as marriage. You're trying to make a BIGGER SACRIFICE of yourself for a smaller gain. That doesn't make sense.

I know it's easier said than done....but don't get into an argument with your dad. Don't talk back to him because that will just aggravate him further. And DON'T agree to marrying your cousin...if you're dead against it. Is your mom the more calm and level/headed parent? If so.....consider talking calmly to your mom. Apologize for hurting her...explain your feelings about your cousin....and why you felt compelled to join a matrimonial site. You know your mom better than we do. Perhaps she may be able to reason with your father and calm him down. If not.....is there an older brother/sister or relative such as a aunt/uncle/grandparent that can talk to your parents on your behalf? This advice was suggested in your previous thread as well.

^I'd say that for right now...stay calm...don't talk back to your dad...see if you can talk to your mom FIRST......before involving others outside of the immediate family into your problem.

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

Don't marry your cousin!
What does your mom say about this?

Just stay quiet for the next few days, hopefully he'll calm down soon. If he doesn't, you need to speak to your mom and somehow explain this situation to your cousin.
Do you think your cousin would willingly back out of this fixed rishta and not make it into a big deal or put the blame on you?

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Re: Emotional torturing by father.....

Cutie.

I strongly emphazie you not not marry anybody that you dislike or are not sure enough about.

I know of have a very relgious family back in pakistan, whos father gave his daughter aged 19 to his wifes nephew under pressure from the family and his wife.
The father did it trusting his wife and on the boys initial good behaviour.
He was an immature young guy.

And belive me the girl although being a pious and good girl was so mistreated in that home by her SILS included that she had to eventually ask for a kulah, following which she was so depressed, and now shes back at home alone with a 6 year old kid.

One uninformed decision ruined her life. Such stories are so common. I wish desi people would take more time in evaluating ristas.

You should be sure about whom your marrying, it is your right to clarify any doubts or issues about him and be satisfied before going ahead. As long as you speak about this sensibly with whom everyou do- the party should realise you are a right thing and not speaking up against anybodies choice.

Goodluck.

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Talking to her cousin was also suggested in her previous thread. She had mentioned that her cousin is aware that she's not interested in him.....but he asked his parents to send for the rishta anyways.

Now, I asked the OP....if perhaps the cousin misinterpreted her sentiments....if he might have assumed that she was teasing/being shy? I mean...you'd think the guy would have more pride (in the event that he did understand her correctly).

Hmm....here's what I'm thinking. Let's say that the cousin did understand her rejection correctly....but regardless sent the rishta anyways....and doesn't back down. If she were to talk to him....and somehow it gets to his parents......and then makes its way to her dad....would that anger her dad further? I DO BELIEVE that if things get worse....if need be....she should make it clearly known to the guy's parents that she's not interested. Perhaps his parents will have more pride than him and will back off. But before that step is taken...........I think maybe it's better to talk to the mom first....and then perhaps a trusted elder of the family who can reason with her dad.