Anyone know anyone who did and if so what happened afterwards? Did the parents forgive or hold a grudge and stop speaking to them?
(And no, I’m not considering it, am just curious..)
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yehh a girl i newdid run away .. her parents gotherbak after they new thatthe guy she ran away with treated her badlyy..
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Girls like that are complete wastes imo.
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I do. But the thing is that it was a bit of a wake up call for the parents. They started to see that they couldnt force their way of thinking onto thier children and it would only push them further away. The end result was that they became better people and accepted the marriage and accepted that the couple liked each other. But those kinds of cases are few and far between. Your typical conservative desi parents are too blinded by pride of culture to see past that but that to is slowly dying away as the generations progress.
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I know of two cases. One eloped with a man who was 10 years older than and had two failed marriages behind him. Apparently when she ran away she took her SILs gold with her and her grandfathers redundancy money which they had put in her name. One SIL blew the gasket because the gold was her memory of her dead mother. At the time it was quite shocking because her family was the high and migty religious type who looked down on anyone who didn't cover their head. I remember her mother once said I should look at her daughter and take note...no thanxs. Apparently they had a boy and are still together, was forgiven and invited to her grandfathers funeral. However, its amazing how less strict they have now become with the younger daughter...probably don't want her to do the same thing.
Second case, boy forced into marriage with his cousin but then 4 months later and just before xmas married his gf, and posted talaq to his cousin wife. Everyone blamed his family for forcing him, which I accept but I still think he was a coward for not standing upto his family in the first place and ruining his cousin in the process. Also have a child and I think they are now on speaking terms with the family.
In the first case, it just went to show me how appearances can be deceiving. Always acted like good pleasant girl, it was only afterwards I found out what she used to get upto; she would leave the house in a scarf and get changed on the ways to meeting boys. Maybe that's where I've been going wrong...
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I wish some people did have the guts to elope instead of making their forced spouse's life miserable.
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One of my best friends ran away from home, she was being forced to marry her cousin who made it more than clear to her after they got engaged that he was only in it for the visa. Ran away, they brought her back, broke of the engagement and got her married to the guy she wanted to marry. She's now pregnant and her parents are over the moon with their son in law. People still talk but they're happy and that's all that matters.
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a girl i know ran away from home apparently stayed at a friends for a week, parents tracked her down immediatly sent her to pakistan got her married to her cousin… right after marriage she got pregnant and a few months after that divorced. :hinna:
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I know of 3, I think. I personally am totally against it because A) my parents aren’t the type to force me into marrying someone I dont like and B) the aftermath is absolutely traumatizing for the family. Even if it is their fault for trying to attempt their child to marry someone they dont like or forcefully. I hate when parents dont get accused of being unreasonable in these cases.
Anyways, one girl (ultra psycho religious dad and family, she wore an abaya and hijab and was uber-religious) and she ran away with her best friend’s brother and with the approval of his family and they supported her along the way. Of course the guy’s family was Arab and not desi so that could be another reason they tried to help her, she was Hyderabad Indian. And now she is very much respected by her in-laws and they have a very happy marriage. They are very religious and in their view her dad was being very unreasonable by denying every rishta that came and she was almost 26 or so she confided in her best friend’s family and she too had always wanted to be a part of their family so they helped her one day when he dad was getting abusive and that is that. Her family is very very angry even till now, 3 years later, and her dad refuses to ever see her and has banned his wife and daughters to ever see her.
This second was a friend of mine (Afghan) who ran away with my other friends’s brother (Pakistani). It was a shock to everyone and again her dad was a crazy religious lunatic who refused to let her step out the house, told her to look at the floor when they went to a store or out so she wont make eye contact w/ anyone 
, forced her to wear niqab and everything. And one day she ran away and her parents went crazy looking. Her sister who knew about the guy told and they called him and begged him to bring her back and all that. My friend’s brother wanted to help her and he liked her too so he convinced his mother and they went over to her place and got the nikkah done and I think she doesnt speak to her family any longer but I’m not surprised since her dad was CRAZY religious.
I think there is a pattern. Children with the most crazy restrictions tend to rebel the hardest and the parents end up paying for it too.
And the 3rd was in the family. My mom’s cousin married a girl who ran away and this was during the early 90s. They have kids and are super-happy together although his parents still are a bit “meh” about her and the conditions in which they got married in.
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yeah it usually tends to be the ultra "conservatives" because the liberals don't really care about imposing restrictions.
A girl I know, her mom ran away (of course this is when she was younger) with her cousin's fiance...they got married and fast forward 30 years and 2 kids later and the boy's family still HATES the mother. some people never get over it. But to be fair, the cousin fiance thing is slightly home-wrecker-ish in my opinion.
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^I agree but it took the fiance to make it happen so both are just as guilty, and like someone said up there, better to elope than to ruin someone else's life
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^This.
I know of two cases, the girl ran away with the guy she had been in love with for three years, she was 29, he was 30, and her parents were getting her forcefully wed that weekend. They hid for two years and have two children and are soo happy and crazy in love, and her husband is sooooooo amazing !!! sigh
There are so many romantic details to their amazing story …
The other, guy was in the army, got their nikkah done and took her with him…I don’t know a lot of details, this happened when I was 12, but he was so handsome, and she was sooo pretty…they have like 5 children, and the guys family dont acknowledge their existence.
Both these families are actually kind of modern. In the first case, it was family enmity generations old, and in the second, the guy’s family just refused to let him marry with consent. They kept saying oh you can marry whomever you want all his life, and when he finally picked the girl, the mother and sister decided to go suicidal. They were both like “ohhh nafarmaan bachay, you will suffer for hurting your mother, God will punish you”, and he didnt give in to her blackmail and said Allah will punish me for breaking my promise to a girl as well. I promised to marry her, and I cant go back on my word.So with the girl’s family’s consent, he married her and took her with him where he was posted.
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^I agree but it took the fiance to make it happen so both are just as guilty, and like someone said up there, better to elope than to ruin someone else's life
true. I agree. it all makes me want to never be in that type of a position. it's as if the girl has no chance of maafi from her inlaws a lot of times or they consider her "loose charactered" for a while at least
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Its funny how in every marriage that started like that, the spouse turned out to be so amazing the marriage is so successful....straight out of a bollywood movie..
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One of my really good friends used to be Christian and she started dating this Muslim guy around the time she was 16, I believe. He at the time was 23. Her dad's from Trinidad and had quite the temper....was very protective of his daughters. She told me that he was the kind to chase off any guy that came near his girls with a machette. Anyhow...someone had found out that she was dating a Muslim guy and my friend knew that it was only a matter of time before that person told her dad. Her dad was out of the house....so she packed her bags and ran off to go live with her boyfriend before dad got home, lol. So she lived with her boyfriend...and she told me that during the time...they stayed within their limits and slept in separate rooms. They got married shortly afterwards. She converted to Islam...they're still married and have three kids. And her father has come to accept the marriage...and is on good terms with her. She wondered why he never came after her that day....and when she asked her dad....he said that he knew she was 18 and it would only get him into trouble...so he decided to back off. I love hearing her stories....just the way that she tells them...they're so funny.
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Its funny how in every marriage that started like that, the spouse turned out to be so amazing the marriage is so successful....straight out of a bollywood movie..
lol, I just noticed this. Very true.
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Just because they aren’t divorced doesn’t mean that they are deliriously happy, but I’m just reporting the bigger picture. Every marriage that has started with elopement cant be happy, but ofcourse, as every marriage cant be happy, every marriage cant be unhappy either.
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I wanted to elope when I was young because of the bollywood influence. But nobody was willing to elope with me and I was living alone already so there was nobody to elope from.
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^Awww..
My mum's sis eloped with her bf 30-odd years ago but they didn't get as far as the nikah stage. My mum's never mentioned it but my dad told me they had to go and get her and she came home without kicking up any fuss (when they asked her if she wanted to stay with him apparently she just shrugged her shoulders lol).. My grandparents then sent her to London to stay with my parents and she forgot all about him.. Later she had an arranged marriage and now she has two grown up kids. So strange thinking about it as on the surface she seems so quiet and innocent..
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unfortunately parents forgive thats why all the eloping keeps happening 