Even today, I see families who are dying to get their daughters married off as soon as they hit 18. I am all for getting married young and all, yeah, but, how about some education?
I think that in this day and age, every woman should have some basic education for the following reasons:
Helps your self image
Gives you the ability to become financially independent if needed
Improves your general outlook towards life
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So why do we still see families not getting that their daughters will be better wives, better parents if they have a better educational foundation? Why the rush in getting your girls out of the home? Why not invest in their education?
^^Not necessarily..I have examples in my family where the fathers are educated,infact highly educated with professional degrees but they never educated their daughters...and one of them is even living outside of Pakistan,but still 3 of his daughters are at home not going to school.
Now I also know of people who are sending their sons to nice private schools while the daughters are going to a local neighborhood school...just so that she can get the 'basic' education....
Its the whole mentality that sons are better than daughters...or superior than daughters that leads to these things.Pathetic..!!
A lot of parents see the responsibility of marrying off a daughter as a burden that they must get rid of as soon as possible. Education therefore is not really of any importance to them. It's the desi mindset about the kunwari larki sitting at home.
^^Not necessarily..I have examples in my family where the fathers are educated,infact highly educated with professional degrees but they never educated their daughters...and one of them is even living outside of Pakistan,but still 3 of his daughters are at home not going to school. Now I also know of people who are sending their sons to nice private schools while the daughters are going to a local neighborhood school...just so that she can get the 'basic' education.... Its the whole mentality that sons are better than daughters...or superior than daughters that leads to these things.Pathetic..!!
These parents feel there is no point in investing in the daughter's education as it's not going to be of any benefit to them when she gets married and leaves. They'd rather save their money and spend it on their sons as the financial responsibility for the house will fall on them. Not saying it's right but that's how things work in families where money is tight.
^^well,if money is tight then both go to the same school...Why discriminate...??
I know this is the thinking that goes on in a lot of families, but its just screwed up.
Its the whole mentality that sons are better than daughters...or superior than daughters that leads to these things.Pathetic..!!
which leads back to my suggestion that these folks are not educated themselves......
perhaps I should have said "not enlightened" rather then educated.
you must have heard the saying that even if you load up an ass with books it doesn't make him educated. (loosely translated from urdu)
These parents feel there is no point in investing in the daughter's education as it's not going to be of any benefit to them when she gets married and leaves. They'd rather save their money and spend it on their sons as the financial responsibility for the house will fall on them. Not saying it's right but that's how things work in families where money is tight.
and some feel that there is no demand in the meat market for educated girls because the potential in-laws don't want a "career-minded, forward bahu".
Most desi families believe that that the best age for girls to get married is right after completing their undergrad. That's when everyone is at the rishta processing ferver and they don't want to get behind.
That's a reason I see in my overall community... I don't condone it.
also all the other stereotypes... younger girls are more likely to be flexible with their demands, adpatable, not set in their ways, ideal age for conception and all the other hoopla.
I think the trend fluctuates don't you? ..
my mom got married in her last year of med school.
My younger phoopos and khalas all got married after they graduated and were working for several years.
Me and my sister got married right after undergrad
And now girls in my community are again settling in their careers first and then getting married.
do you know places in the middle east have super high divorce rates because their local girls are getting educated and more independent, and are less tolerant of being 1 of 4 wives as the locals typically have. they're also less tolerant of lazy ass husbands who live off government money and aren't interested in much by way of career or personal growth. i say more power to them! this is probably what desi inlaws are afraid of when out hunting for daughters in law for their darling (nikammay) sons.
Most of people I have seen who do not send their daughters to good school or don't allow them to study further believes that they won't get a return on money invested in daughter's education. Whatever gain she will give she will give it to her husband and inlaws so why should they spend money on her. I have seen people who believed that rather than spending on education they would spend it on her wedding. One of my dad's friend did not let her daughter take up business studies and forced her to study arts because he though business studies is for guys only. There are a zillion of examples around and I don't believe our community can get rid of this jahalat even in hundred years.
When I look at myself and my life now I feel that education was the best gift that my parents have given me. Thankfully ( a million thanks to Allah) today I am mentally & financially independent . That's why people say that when you have an educated mother you have an educated nasal (generation) .
I know...!!
This thinking can't change in hundred years.I wonder what goes on in their heads.But I also know of someone who never encouraged his daughter to get an education,but wanted highly educated and working wives for his sons.
I have heard this from my father that one of his distant uncle who had a son and a daughter ,discriminated so much between the two...not only in regards to education but even in regards to what they ate.The son always got chicken or meat and the daughter used to get whatever else was there.HE spent a lot to get his son into top notch schools and colleges but education was just not his cup of tea....He hardly and barely did his bachelors,as I have heard.
Even today, I see families who are dying to get their daughters married off as soon as they hit 18. I am all for getting married young and all, yeah, but, how about some education?
I think that in this day and age, every woman should have some basic education for the following reasons:
Helps your self image
Gives you the ability to become financially independent if needed
Improves your general outlook towards life
Add more...
So why do we still see families not getting that their daughters will be better wives, better parents if they have a better educational foundation? Why the rush in getting your girls out of the home? Why not invest in their education?
This topic reminds me of the film An Education -- did you see that?
I agree with your approach, Niks. I think it is important to have an educational base and to at least start the girl off in developing something of herself that is unique to her personality and talents. Then it is up to her to follow through. She should not be married so young that she loses her identity in the marriage (which can happen to any of us, really).
At the same time, I do think that part of what goes in these days is a backlash against my generation of Pakistani girls growing up in the West, and those a little older than us, many of whom resisted marriage until our late twenties, and were suddenly not considered any more as spouses. I feel like there's a sudden wave of marriages to white girls or to girls FROM Pakistan, and I can understand why parents of Pakistani girls from the West would be concerned now.
^ I have been a part of such a family where their own daughters were not that educated but they wanted bauhs who were doctor , engineer , mba etc etc. No less than a professional degree. They have a golden rule that when a girl reached class 4th or 5th she should start doing jharoo pocha , dish washing , cooking etc . I feel that teaching children to do their own work / house work is good but that should not be limited to girls and don't put so much burden on them they can't spare time for studies . Plus girls can learn all that work afte finishing their school too I mean itna sara kaam karwakay you are taking away their bachpan.
with regards to marriage I firmly believe on naseeb. Now a days women are also getting married in 30's. No matter how hard you want your daughter to be married in her early 20's if it is not the time it won't happen. Don't make marriage as a end all and be all for your daughters