Early Marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hello ppl.

Few of you might be wondering this topic is not related to this forum, but well i think it should be discussed here, because of factors related to personalized stuff..

ok here it is.. Much discussion has been done , on the issued of SEX issues , abortion and etc. and every one here is educated enough about this stuff.

Im aware that in American and european culture, sex education is must in school age. And as their culture allows no restriction in relationships so they do not find any problem in satisfying their needs and gotover the frustration.

On the contrary Muslim culture, specfically Pakistan, there is no such edcuation given to girls and guys, and yet as a country in warm area, girls and guys become mature in earlier age. and yes the awareness comes from diffrent ways. but due to social setup, relegious boundings there is no freedom in in relationships, and there are also laws to cope with this. so due to this fear, in girls and guys grustration level rises, upto high level, tends upto going for wrong ways, which also leads to bi-sexual relationships etc, and diseases.

Now this problem is severe enough in this part of world ( pakistan) and many other countries. but the ancestors were aware of this problem, they adopted diffrent way to cope with this complication, and that was early marriage.

Early Marriage used to bound a guy to a single girl, even in the teenage, gives them the propper way to get the pleasure and hence no frustration. Early awareness of the problems of real life. more responsible behavior and attitude toward real life. more tighter family sytem. and many more..

This also covers the problems of illegitimate sex betweens the teenagers, and the problem of abortions etc.

well i would like to ask you, do you support early marriage, if yes why, and if no then why not. let be it a productive talk.

Thanks..

Khush naseeb insaan woh hai jo apne naseeb per khush rahay.

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

2

if a couple is in love then they should get married. i mean not get married at like 16. but after they are 18 then they should get married. and here the parents should continue to support their children with their lives and education. i mean parents in the east have such a dumb view if two ppl fall in love and get married. that view should be gotten rid of.
plus our religion also supports early marriage so that there is very little chance of sinning.

*Pyaar karna jurm hai to
Jurm hum say hogaya *

3

Im all for early marriages.
for exactly the reasons u specified FlameZz.

All the hormones flying around. the kids jst go crazy, marry em off and be done with it.

None of these problems left in Uni's with Guys and Girls hiding from their parents etc.

I think it would solve LOTS and LOTS of problems, not those just related to sex etc. but in many other areas too.

4

Is getting married in you 20s just a recent, 20th century phenomenon?

I ask this because I recall that Jinnah got married when he was 16 years. Does this mean that in the 19th century, things were done differently?

5

Agreed with you guys..

Someone has to take the initiative. My parents didnt. but i will.. for my childrens so they shouldnt face the situations which i am facing...

Khush naseeb insaan woh hai jo apne naseeb per khush rahay.

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

6

To consider marriage as essentially a biological issue, is perhaps quite unfair and naive. Marriage is a serious step and should be taken with clear thinking.

In essence, marriage means both partners need to take responsibility for each other, to have a level of emotional and psychological maturity to deal with the problems that may follow... and above all, some sort of financial independance. Education is also important and a couple should not hasten their marriage plans unless they are sure that after marriage, they will be able to complete whatever academic targets they have set for themselves.

Every case is unique, so we should not be generalizing this issue. But if a couple can fulfill these more important criteria, then there is nothing to stop them.

7

[quote]
Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT:
**Is getting married in you 20s just a recent, 20th century phenomenon?

I ask this because I recall that Jinnah got married when he was 16 years. Does this mean that in the 19th century, things were done differently?**
[/quote]

Things were not done diffrently, but there was a major diffrence in the culture, state & mind of ppl. social ethics, and people were less materialistic.

Due to overwhelming materlism ppl used to take care of their youngones and their wives, and a strong family system was there.

Khush naseeb insaan woh hai jo apne naseeb per khush rahay.

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

8

[quote]
Originally posted by Pristine:
**To consider marriage as essentially a biological issue, is perhaps quite unfair and naive. Marriage is a serious step and should be taken with clear thinking.

In essence, marriage means both partners need to take responsibility for each other, to have a level of emotional and psychological maturity to deal with the problems that may follow... and above all, some sort of financial independance. Education is also important and a couple should not hasten their marriage plans unless they are sure that after marriage, they will be able to complete whatever academic targets they have set for themselves.

Every case is unique, so we should not be generalizing this issue. But if a couple can fulfill these more important criteria, then there is nothing to stop them.**
[/quote]

I agree to some extent, but can you say that, the ppl who got married in early ages, were less responsible, less educated , and elss financially independent ?

And i disgree with the point if financial independence. why because when married early, you tend to develop a sense of responsibility, matureness, and better understanding of real life problems in early age, which automatically forces the men to go for studies and financial independence as soon as possible.

So it is not a hard n fast rule that for marriage one should be financially independent. well if parents cant afford then why NOT ?

P.S : ive seen few ppl, and have asked them their views about their early marriage, and they say its good, its better and they are not having any problem in their life, studies , carrear.. etc.

Khush naseeb insaan woh hai jo apne naseeb per khush rahay.

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

9

"Financial independance", means the same thing. If the dude's daddy is willing to bank-roll the couple till he stands on his own two feet, then, sure... go ahead.

Let me also add, that early marriages can be for a number of reasons, other than to keep the child on the righteous path. I personally saw an early marriage where the groom's mother had a terminal form of cancer and had the wish to see her grand-children.

Personally, I wouldn't advise it, if someone asks me. I have seen enough people falling out of love to trust a 15 year old telling me "he can't live without her". Its best to give it time, rather then to make a costly mistake. Divorce is neither cheap nor encouraged.

10

[quote]
Originally posted by FlameZz:
** but can you say that, the ppl who got married in early ages, were less responsible, less educated , and elss financially independent ?
**
[/quote]

Unlike many people, I'd never want to generalize on these issue. Every case is different and each couple has to make their own decision. We can not lump everyone into the same basket because of a few good or bad examples.

11

I agree that this idea cannot be generalized, but somehow if it is implemneted it would definately help in many respects..

yes love is a emotional state of mind, and this feeling can diminish with passage of time, situations, but remmeber marriage is much more than just simply falling in love, its an agreement oflife time, and its a moral duty to abide by the agreeement.

but again, marriage, love might be of diffrent meaning for diffrent ppl..

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

Khush naseeb insaan woh hai jo apne naseeb per khush rahay.

ﻪﻠﻟﺍ ﻝﻮﺳ ﺮﻟﺍ ﺪﻤﺤﻣ ﻪﻠﻠﻟﺍ ﻪﻟﺍ ﻻ

12

[quote]
Originally posted by FlameZz:
yes love is a emotional state of mind, and this feeling can diminish with passage of time, situations, but remmeber marriage is much more than just simply falling in love, its an agreement oflife time, and its a moral duty to abide by the agreeement.
[/quote]

Yes, so unless someone has a really good reason on why they can not wait?

Personally, and I may be way off mark, I don't think, an overactive libodo is a great excuse to commit for a life-time of relationship. Marriage is really much more than that.

13

that’s for sure!

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

**Pyaar karna jurm hai to
Jurm hum say hogaya **

14

I'm shocked at the majority of comments supporting early marriages.

I agree with Pristine entirely. Some early marriages work, but in my humble opinion, most don't TODAY. Times change, folks. What worked in Makkah and Madina centuries ago doesn't necessarily work now, becuz kids are growing up differently due to different economic and educational systems.

Personally being a woman, I would think it stupid if I had married at 15 becuz I can't control my hormones. I think the emphasis should be placed on teaching kids how to control themselves. And yes, there are ways besides masturbation (if you think masturbation is unislamic, which is an ENTIRELY different topic). Today at the age of 16, you're still in school, you're not financially independent, and you're not socially mature! The person you are when you're 15 is probably drastically different from the person you'll be at when you're 25. Some marriages can handle that change, some can't. I'd personally rather marry someone sexually and socially mature, financially independant (so that I can see the man can make it out on his own without his parents), and well-educated to provide his own kids proper guidance the minute they are born.

Sigh Flamezz, you've just been crossed off my list of potentials!

15

Im not trying to contradict myself here, but i DO think early marriages arent likely to work unless the prevalant thought is changed in society,

Can u imagine a typical 16 yr old gettin married? guy and gal. When they see all their friends unmarried, "chillin out". they might feel suffocated.

But if all or most 16yr olds were married, then it would certainly be bonus

16

[quote]
Originally posted by Pristine:
**To consider marriage as essentially a biological issue, is perhaps quite unfair and naive. Marriage is a serious step and should be taken with clear thinking.

In essence, marriage means both partners need to take responsibility for each other, to have a level of emotional and psychological maturity to deal with the problems that may follow... and above all, some sort of financial independance. Education is also important and a couple should not hasten their marriage plans unless they are sure that after marriage, they will be able to complete whatever academic targets they have set for themselves.

Every case is unique, so we should not be generalizing this issue. But if a couple can fulfill these more important criteria, then there is nothing to stop them.**
[/quote]

Pristine, actually quite to the contrary marriage is a purely biological issue. If education and financial independance were the criterion, then most of the people on the third world countries would go unmarried.

Not many people have the ability to handle their hormones as you might do, that is why in an "ideal society", and I repeat, ideal, it would be better to get married as soon as you hit puberty. but ofcourse we do not live in an ideal socity, so some financial independance is beneficial. You must think I am contradicting myself, which probably I am, but i just want to stress on the fact that its mostly biological and somewhat financial and educational, as you suggested, due to social pitfalls.

17

I am pretty sure that early mariage does not means teen marriage.
It should be the time when both partners are ready to take their responsibilities. it could be any age.In Countries like Pakistan where boys are even in their late 20s and are unable to provide home and living to their partners should not get married in their teens obviously. Depending on wifs's JAHAIZ or Abba's JAIDAAD is unfair. So how can you think of early marriage system flamz? i don't see any early marriage tradition coming back again in near future. this is just my view. I am sure One can disagree.

18

marriage is so much more than biology guys.

I mean, I've always thought that in an ideal marriage the couple are not just sex partners, and even financial partners, but they're social partners as well.

Your spouse ought to be like your best friend. I could never imagine marrying someone who could not be my best friend.

19

Originally posted by PyariCgudia:

I'm shocked at the majority of comments supporting early marriages.<<<<<

peyaricgudiya you didn't understand the meanings of early marriage as it is in flamezz's mind. it means marriages not in 30's. peyaricgudiya I know you are from india, and you don't understand that in Pakistani culture now marriages are late, infact very late. I have studied the case of 50 marriages. in all marriage couple was more than 25(most times woman hide and siad she was 21,22) . in my family no marriage is arranged before the age of 24. my sister is 22 years old and my parents think she is a child.

Personally being a woman, I would think it stupid if I had married at 15 becuz I can't control my hormones.<<<<

plz try to understand the idea. here early marriage means, the marriage in right time. it doesn't mean the age of girl will be 15.

the age of couple will be atleast 18 or more.

Sigh Flamezz, you've just been crossed off my list of potentials!<<<<<<<<

it is because you didn't get his idea. and you don't know that in most cases in the age of 26 Pakistani parents still call their daugthers she is not mature enough for marriage.

[This message has been edited by cool down (edited June 03, 2002).]

20

Cool Down:

First of all, I have told you before, and I tell you again. I am not an Indian. I am a Pakistani - American. My parents were born in Karachi. I was going to sit here and list all the places my family has lived in Karachi, the businesses and properties they possess, etc. But you know what? I dont need to release all this personal information to satisfy YOU. Because, if you have read my posts in Shor Sharaaba, then you would know I am a Pakistani. I'm one of the few Pakistanis left who still has faith in the dying industry of lollywood, what more do you want to tell you that i'm 100 percent Pakki Pakistani?

And I'm sorry if my opinions differ from yours. That does not classify me as Indian.

Secondly, according to this discussion, it has clearly been stated that early marriages are good BECAUSE of RAGING HORMONES that take over during puberty and that early marriages may be one way that our Desi Forefathers decided to handle these RAGING HORMONES from leading our young-uns to engage in premarital sex. Since puberty hits in the teen ages (13-19) (even earlier, I got my first period when I was 10 and my first signs of puberty at the age of 8), I'm thinking they're talking of any age before hitting the 20's.

Secondly, I do not think getting married in your 20's is a bad idea at all. If you're thru with your education and at least you've attended college or some sort of a technical school and are assured of a job (for a guy) and are assured of skills to at least take a job when you wish (for a girl), and the couple wishes to be married (leaving out influence from families), then may God bless the couple. I am against teen marriages, due to the current college-going and teenage-culture that most Pakistanis experience (village life must be addressed separately).

Flamezz: Clarify the age you're talking of when you talk of early marriages...the norm in western culture is in the 20's or 30's. I would think, by early, as you mentioned the western culture, you mean soon after one begins puberty and right during the time that hormones are raging -- in the teens, not in the 20's or 30's?