Early marriage is necessary

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: Early marriage is necessary

That has more to do with our culture's incessant need to one up each other - some families do it by purchasing fancy cars, other families do it by showing off their daughter's plastic surgery clinic.

But many people are simply ambitious and wanting an education and wanting to be something in this world and contribute is not restricted to males, so why use a girl's education as a noose around her neck, threatening her that if she doesn't marry early and goes to college, that she will miss out on good rishtas?

I spoke to one guy earlier and he said the most refreshing thing to me, when I expressed concerns about marrying someone that would take away my job from me or restrict me from going to work. He said, your dreams should not have to change based on your marriage and your spouse, your spouse should support you in your dreams, and at least try to make things work as practically as possible. Now that's a REFRESHING perspective that I wish more guys and their families shared, then we wouldn't be freaking about getting girls married in their teens

These early marriages have less to do with Islam, and more to do with trying to bag a groom for their daughter in a sense of competition with other girls.

And if we educated our men to begin with, this wouldn't be an issue for our community. But because there is a limited number of educated guys and an excess of educated women, we somehow blame the women for being too educated.

I blame the bum arse guys for wasting time, and not working hard in school. I've seen this with my own two eyes, entire communities of men going to community college just because they dawdled in grade school, and their families could not discipline them.

Educate your men first, then start worrying about dissuading women from education and careers. Quite frankly, you guys should be thankful that muslims in America have such smart muslimas, in fact, it will be these women that will carry our ummat through hard times. Not the men, that's for sure.

82

Re: Early marriage is necessary

you would know ;)

83

Re: Early marriage is necessary

You know, I've thought about this and I've noticed that often, it isn't that they could not discipline them but rather, that they would not.

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

I smell bias in your post sorry to say.

I wrote clearly that education and jobs are not essential for anyone prior to marrying if circumstances are otherwise favorable.

*Making high education or job essentials before marriage is wrong.
*
Yes, ambitions to get educated can be used as excuses to delay marriage but who plants these wrong ideas of being someone in this world BEFORE getting married?

Those who just ened up marrying after a long time pursuing high educations and living the same way as their less educated counterparts simply wasted time, energies and money. And they are still somebodies in this world.

**Please do not belittle or degrade women who are plain and simple wives and mothers.

**All societies expect men to be the breadwinners. Exceptions are there. No question about it.

However, when men are expected to be the breadwinners even if they are less educated, their responsibilities to earn is not taken off. They stil can and do whatever they can to provide for the families.

If women are taken care off by their husbands then they do not necessarily have to work.

Eve in non-desi societies, a lot of working women wish for staying home and raise families. All they wish is for men who could provide.

There are housewives and excellent mothers who did not want to or had felt any need for higher education all around the world. They live very happily.

This mentality of somehow a woman or man is nobody unless has a college diploma or phD is over-rated. A lot of less educated men still do and can earn a whole lot more than highly educated men.

No idea why men are considered evil if they have wives who don't need to work and still want to work, but their husbands tell them otherwise.

This so called mental sanity and satisfaction is also just unnecessarily promoted by some people.

The discussion is about early marriage and I maintain my position (based on available information and many factual evidences) that high education or job is not needed before marriage if this can be worked out other ways.

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

Yes, I do know. ;)

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

A rich otherwise compatible and good guy gives rishta to a young girl, and this attitude from their parents,

“Oh Hamari beti to abhi paRh rahi hai”

is wrong.

The ideas in girls is implanted as if unless they get ‘educated’ they are not to be married.

And then time goes on.

Good rishtay become less available. “Less compatible” rishtay are rejected one by one.

Girl has degrees after degrees.

Gets a job. Since she has to find something to do in this world and be somebody!

Gets frustrated for not getting married.

Doesn’t get married finally …or its too late for her to bear a child or two.

And people say:

“Allah Ki Marzi Thi” :smack:

87

Re: Early marriage is necessary

So ur sayin I would be the same person today if I got married right after high school and moved from my parents home into my husbands home. I would be the same person today without my experience of living in a different country away from my parents, managing a household, while studying full time, while working half time, while being on the honor roll? I would raise my kids, run my household, have meaningful conversations with my husband, know what is going on in the world today, all the same exact way as I would have done if I had just married out of high school? Yes my degree is just tucked away in a drawer but don't u think it's a little naive to think that if it not up on the wall in my corner office with my kids being raised in daycare or by the maid that my life experience has no worth. It seems that ur experience of education has no really broadened ur horizons. It was merely a means to an end (ur job?) and nothing else?

On a lighter note my brothers have always bugged me using the same words, the way siblings like to get each other riled up, but I didnt know that educated ppl of today's generation actually hold that view. K agar job kar k family Ko support nahi karna hae to parhnay ki koi zaroorat nahi.

88

Re: Early marriage is necessary

LOL this is a funny and pathetic thread. So amazed at how people think. Thank God you guys are just people I come across through the internet. phew.

Oh and I have seen girls in my life who got married to the awesome rishtas with no degree and they regret it so bad. Why? Because either no one let them complete their education after the godforsaken shadi or they feel left out when they can't even attend parent-teacher meetings of their child because they don't understand when the teacher talks about phonics. Oh and let's not forget the, "tum kon sa parh likh k ayi ho hamaray ghar jo itnay nakhray karti ho" and "Main dinner pe akela chala jaon ga, wahan sab parhay likhay log hain" mentality.

And I'm not even making these up. I just hope all of you who are defending such a sorry faced idea, your daughters spend happy married lives and never have to go through any thing bad because of their parents mentality.

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

I will answer without being personal and will try not to answer your questions exactly as you asked about you and your life.

1- The answer to the first couple of questions is yes and no. Depends how one looks at at.

Yes, people do remain the same despite high education.
What changes people is not high education, it is day to day life experience, influence from people around and surroundings etc.

High education does not do that by itself.

**How much of high education a woman needs to communicate with husband?
**
**How much of the daily conversation involves complex Algebra equation or Quantum theory etc.?
**
Seriously!

Do daily chores including shopping, grocery, taking care of kids, household require PhD degree?

Women who are less educated perhaps do better jobs in many cases when they are married and managing households.

Besides a lot of learning CAN be done after marriage.

What does broadening horizon mean? I say what I cearly observe and actually look at different perspectives than those who have tunnel vision as if spending many years with

lots of money is good for all people across the board. No it is not.

Having said that, I again say that I wrote very clearly my view which anyone of us can observe and all it takes is to look around and have open mind.

I did not make anything up. I talked about the reality.

I am not saying high education makes people bad but what I said is it does not guarantee the person will be any better than the one with less education.

All you need to have an open mind and observe that even highly educated people do terrible things in the world.

Please read above, we are discussing early marriage.

There is no need to delay marriage if the circumstances are feasible.

it is looked down upon for parents to support young couples (who marry early) but not when the parents spend loads of money on the girls for high education and then they do not even get to use it? :smack:

Lots of women spend their money or their parents money on high education and decide to stay home after getting married in late 20’s or even in 30’s.

They do same thing as those smart women who are “less formally educated” but enjoy more time raising family and kids.

I completely support those women who have professional education and use it even after marriage. Those husbands who marry professional or career oriented women just to have a name tag and not allow them to pursue career being wrong. Absolutely wrong. Unless the circumstances do not allow it. Her opinion should matter in it.

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

Do high educated women say this to their husbands:

"Honey! we are just like electrons and positrons. I am glad we were on the same collision path. We have so much attractions, innit? " :D

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Re: Early marriage is necessary

Exactly. I don't see why people don't value just the experience of education. For some it's about getting a good job, and for some it is just about the experience. And broadening your mind.. Both reasons are important, both valuable. A degree on the wall is not just a piece of paper hanging there, for both men and women its a set of experiences, of learning and enriching yourself .. If a woman wants that for herself, good for her.