So with baby #2 on board, I was thinking over this situation, as in few years we have to get a bigger place and the only option is for us to buy and not rent, so this question came to my mind as we would buying, it has to be thought well before!
** Does every kid needs its own room, personal space?** I know that desis do not really care of this, but here in Europe, if u ask around, its important that each kid should have its own room, hence personal space and individuality!
From my ow personal experience, as a kid, we had one big room for us three, one sis and one bro before the other 2 were born, but later my sis and i got a room of our own and well it had its goods and bads, good thing was that before going to sleep, we would close the light and door and then chat before we fell asleep, so I had this close rather friend like relationship with my one and half year older sister, the not to good was, when one had to study for an exam the next day wanted let the lights on and the other wanted to sleep and wanted the lights off, well we would be pissed off at each other!
So I was thinking, if I have another girl, should I look for 2 seperate rooms or one big room for both of them (mind the age gape of 4 years though) and well if I have a boy, then I want 2 seperate rooms, coz then it will be necessary that they have their personal space!
So what do you think, for 2 girls one big room or 2 small/medium size room?
Ofcourse the choice is your to take and if done in the best way you will decide after evaluating the pros and cons in doing such a thing.
Firstly, I would like to concentrate on the benefits of sharing a bedroom.
1) It will teach the children to be tolerant of one another
2) It will reduce the likelihood of shaitan to sit with your children as he goes to people when they are alone.
3) It will reduce your costs of maintenance and upkeep
Also when you have a new child the last thing to do is enforce a new bedroom on the elder child, because that will have a psychological impact on the elder. When the child is older than 6 years of age then it is time to move the children away and until then smothering them will only make them want to become more independent, by forcing it on them they will not necessarily desire to move out and may develop negative introvertive tendencies.
In fact when the new child arrives inshaAllah (May Allah (SWT) make him/her very healthy and pious) then involve the elder sibling to be a part of the caring process of another person.
There are some benefits in separate sleeping, but they only manifest when the children are older than 6 or 7 years of age.
I hope Allah (SWT) guides you on the best decision for your children.
We have a pretty small house but thankfully the rooms are big. We have the 3 boyz all in one bedroom and it works very nicely, at least so far. Then we have master bedroom and a guest bedroom. I dont see a need for private personal space for kids...perhaps in their teenage years, we'll see.
hareem, I dont want to follow the european blindly, I want to do the best thing for the kids. Thats why I am thinking over this situation. As once we buy, then its gonna be hard to say, oh its not working, maybe we should have done it this way ... anyway sorry for the misunderstanding at my part, I blame it on the hormones at the moment. :)
psyah, very good points, thanks for bringing them up, I like the pros that u put in, the fact is that I dont want to enforce it on the kids, infact mines still sleeps with me at the age of 3, but I was thinking of the future, when she is going to school, maybe she needs a room of her own for study and all and a smaller child will interfer and not let her study quietly.
Mamof3, thats cute that they sleep together in one room, we too had fun in our kids room, till of course we got older and needed seperate rooms for us girls.
As you like to have your own home and call it my home so do the kids. They like to have their own separate rooms and call it my room. You can start teaching them at early age how to keep it neat and tidy.
If you can , then go for separate room for each kid. They would love you for that.
^ And this is how we start treating kids' needs as adult needs and confuse the hell out of the poor kids. Comparing SaadiaB's need for a own home to a kid's need for his/her own room is like comparing Apples and Chuwaaray.
Most of the above replies have mentioned most of the benefits of kids sharing a room, and IMHO the benefits outweigh the cons big time. I would just like to add that i had to share a room with my sister till when i was around 10 and she was 14. Point being the 4 year age gap is manageable.
the kids can easily share the room until they are what.. 14 15... before that.. i dont see the point. i loved sharing the room with my 2 brothers.. god we had so much fun during bed time.. i got my own room when i was 9 cuz of the gender diff.. but then my sis was born and so we shared a room..
Since desis don't care about this issue you don't need to discuss it with us desis on a desi forum.
why are you so bitter hareem ?
Saadia I think kids first need own rooms/space when they reach the age of 5-6 and start school and wants to have friends over .I shared a room with my lil sister but elder sister had her own .me and lil one have been good friends and very close to each others and we still are. but we are not that close to my elder sister so I think sharing a room/school helped us being that close we are today.
I see same thing happning with my kids as well. elder have always had his own room ,other 2 went to same kindgarten and shared a room and they are each other's best friends .I think if you can afford it then go for separate room for them but you can wait a year or two.
it all depends on circumstances wether you could afford separate rooms for each kids and i have seen many families they have just one room for whole family. oh bye the way they put whole family on bike or motor bike
Mine are age 8, 7 and 5...and they do have friends over but they are totally supervised. No going off into the bedroom by themselves. When my middle son went to his friends house, they did go off into his friends room and I dont like the things I hear. You can supervise and oversee the kids without intruding and I think thats a must for parents these days. Independence can come later on, teen years maybe and depending on their level of maturity and that of their friends.
Mine are age 8, 7 and 5...and they do have friends over but they are totally supervised. No going off into the bedroom by themselves. When my middle son went to his friends house, they did go off into his friends room and I dont like the things I hear. You can supervise and oversee the kids without intruding and I think thats a must for parents these days. Independence can come later on, teen years maybe and depending on their level of maturity and that of their friends.
My sister and I shared a room until we were well into our teens even though we had extra rooms. We just liked to chit chat and protect each other from monsters lurking outside (). As we grew older, we both needed more space as in closet space, dressing table space, drawer space, activity space, study space etc… so we separated and set up our indvidual rooms. But both rooms had double beds, so while we had separate rooms, at night we would always end up in the same room :D.
it all depends on circumstances wether you could afford separate rooms for each kids and i have seen many families they have just one room for whole family. oh bye the way they put whole family on bike or motor bike
The thing about the housing / properity here is that, it depends on size (qm²) so u can have as many rooms as u like, u pay for the size of the flat/house.
So if we buy, then its long term and means I dont want to move unless necessary e.g. like a new job/relocation, so should go for one big room or 2 smaller ones, in the end it will cost the same.
that sounds so much like us…
I used to share a room with my sister till I was 13…then I got my own room and the youngest sister moved with the younger sister…
I had my own room till I got married and moved abroad…
One of my sisters got my room ,and although both of them have separate rooms now they sleep in the same room as it is bigger and has 2 beds…
when I go back I end up staying in that same room..so we all 3 sisters end up in the same room…
IMO…if possible,I would prefer seperate rooms for every kid…kinda makes things easier when they grow up and need extra space and room for studying etc etc…
Saadia I think kids first need own rooms/space when they reach the age of 5-6 and start school and wants to have friends over .I shared a room with my lil sister but elder sister had her own .me and lil one have been good friends and very close to each others and we still are. but we are not that close to my elder sister so I think sharing a room/school helped us being that close we are today.
I see same thing happning with my kids as well. elder have always had his own room ,other 2 went to same kindgarten and shared a room and they are each other's best friends .I think if you can afford it then go for separate room for them but you can wait a year or two.
Peace mehroo
That is hareem's way ... but she asks a valid question. If the European way is better and desis don't like talking about this ... in a way her response has provoked this discussion and is making us think more about it.
I never said the European way is better, its different and they have their reasons for it, that matches their culture, with desis it doesnt matter if all in one bedroom or each their room, it depends on their circumstances and financial situation.
). As we grew older, we both needed more space as in closet space, dressing table space, drawer space, activity space, study space etc… so we separated and set up our indvidual rooms. But both rooms had double beds, so while we had separate rooms, at night we would always end up in the same room :D.