If I had a nickel for the number of times in this forum we have discussed the responsibilities of a husband, I’d be rich.
Let’s turn the tables and find out what the general concensus is on what the duties of a wife are.
What do you think the woman in a relationship is responsibile for?
Under what circumstances do you believe she should be exempt from those duties?
Re: Duties of a Wife
Really? I could have sworn we've had lots of such topics.
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I wanna hear what GS men have to say on this topic..
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Isn't usually the other way around? Usually the only threads I ever see are about the duties of a wife, not duties of a husband. . .
But to answer your question, i don't believe in duties. . . i believe in working together to figure stuff out that would make you both happy. I don't think anything should be forced on anyone. . . and when you say ITS YOUR DUTY TO DO THIS. . . it is being forced. I'm sure if you love, respect each other you will find a way to work all that out willingly where you both are contributing willingly and because you want to.
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^ agreed. Duties should not really be based on gender, but just rather on the individual person. So maybe my husband doesn't mind cleaning the toilet, since he's done it as a college student and now as a grad student and since his mom raised him to clean up after himself. Does that mean that I'm not doing my duty, by having him clean the toilets?
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** Does that mean that I'm not doing my duty, by having him clean the toilets?**
Nope, that means you're compromising. My husband doesn't mind cleaning the toilet and I don't mind cleaning the toilet. When he's got time, he'll do it. When I'm home, I'll do it. That way, when we're both home, we can spend more time with each other than doing chores :)
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I'll tell you what...I'll tell what I think of a wife...
First of all, I am not seeking a wife...I am seeking a friend...A friend with whim one can share some laughter, with whom one can share the sorrows...Someone with whom one can share the ups and downs of life, the pains and the joys of living...Someone to trust completely and someone whose trust I can keep...Someone, wholly dedicated to me in love as I can be to her...Someone to whom my honour is bound...Someone to live with and someone to die with...Someone, whose faith complements mine by filling in with what I lack in spirituality and peace...A lifelong friend, whose only bond to me is trust and fidelity from the heart...
And in reality, as a Muslim man, I can only find these qualities in a good Muslim woman...There is no 'controlling' or subordination or higher or lower in a Islamic marriage...There is correction of faith however...
What do I mean by this? It means, the role of man in every society has been the same...The man has been the hunter gatherer and the woman the housemaker...It is evident in history from the most cultured civilization to the jungles of Borneo and Sumatra...
In this setup, which is most convenient for both man and woman has come the idea of 'liberation' which has completely messed up and destroyed the life of the woman...She is no longer in control of anything except her own decisions...Her role as a housemaker and creator has been taken away from her to be replaced by the notion of the 'liberated' woman...The role, that my mother and my mother's mother and so on accepted graciously has now been replaced by the notion of 'I can do anything'...Even if it means destroying the very gift of being the one that makes a house...
That's why divorces are so high in confused Muslims' households...I confusion, they throw away the very thing that makes them a woman; A housebuilder, a comforter, a trusted partner, a peacegiver...
Men, as a rule, crave the warmth of a woman's presence (Although they may never tell you so)...How can something cold and confused give warmth? It is a psychology of a man to calm down after hearing a woman's words of comfort...
Too bad...Woman's 'liberation' has taken it all away in a false sense of being in control...Control of what? Her life? She threw that away when she decided to apply to the western notion of 'liberation'...
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What do I mean by this? It means, the role of man in every society has been the same...The man has been the hunter gatherer and the woman the housemaker...It is evident in history from the most cultured civilization to the jungles of Borneo and Sumatra...
Correction. Revise your history, and re-read the Quran. The role has been
man = hunter-gatherer/provider
female = birth-giver, source of early childhood nutrition (human milk).
Nowhere does it say a woman has to clean your house. In fact, Islam says that if she doesn't want to do it, you gotta find a maid for her.
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You know what, I don't know what exactly you mean by liberated. I don't know if you guys would label me as liberated or not but I would like to know what exactly you mean by liberated. If a woman works, does that mean she's liberated? If she expects her husband to contribute to household chores, does that mean she's liberated?
I was born and raised in the U.S. and I don't think im confused at all. I think many people would label me as confused. I don't believe a women's duty is to take care of the household chores, etc. I do believe that both people should work it out amongst themselves and do what is comfortable for them. That doesn't mean they have to do it my way or your way or anyone else's way. It means they do what works for them and that's different things to different people.
Maybe "confused" people get more divorces because unlike "un-confused" people the girls actually won't put up with the krapp that they are expected to put up with in a typical pakistani society. I would like to know how many of those "unconfused" girls are truly happy.
Too bad...Woman's 'liberation' has taken it all away in a false sense of being in control...Control of what? Her life? She threw that away when she decided to apply to the western notion of 'liberation'...
It's interesting, you guys compare the muslim IDEAL to a western REALITY. That's hardly a fair comparison. Why not compare the muslim reality to the western reality. Maybe then you'd realize that neither is perfect. And no, I'm not saying that Islam isn't perfect. I'm saying that the REALITY on both sides of the world, the eastern and the western, is not perfect. They are both operating on extremes and maybe some sort of combination of the two would be nice to both sides.
Men, as a rule, crave the warmth of a woman's presence (Although they may never tell you so)...How can something cold and confused give warmth? It is a psychology of a man to calm down after hearing a woman's words of comfort...
Yes, men crave the warmth of a woman's presence and women crave the warmth of a man's presence. Just because a woman does not stay at home to take care of the household does not mean that she is cold and confused. It means that they are both working together to make things work. Who are we to define their roles for them? If they are both happy, what does it matter what role is being played?
My husband and I both work. And you know what, we both take care of the house and we're both there for each other. And you know what, he does all of it. He cooks, he cleans, you name it he's done it. But then, so do I. You know when we usually do it? When he's home and I'm not and I do it when I'm home and he's not. You know why? Cause when we're both home together, we want to be with each other. You know why I work? Because I want to. Because I have something to contribute to society. I don't have kids yet and when I do, I don't think i'll work for the first three years. But, after that, I'm jumping right back into it Insha-Allah. There is no coldness and there is nothing but warmth and love in our relationship Al-Hamdulilah. I adore my husband and he adores me and I can guarantee you that he does not feel the least bit neglected. But then again, he's not one of those guys who have preconceived notions about what women should or shouldn't do. Part of marriage is to take someone as they are, not try to change them.
I hope I didn't offend anyone.
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^ standing ovation
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to live & left live [no more yapping 24/7 and bilawaja ke tasway bahana] :p
Re: Duties of a Wife
comforting the husband, mentally & physically.. that involves spending time with him and giving him support..raising the kids, their training, their well-being.
man is responsible for the cooking, cleaning, and earning the bread for the family. AND THATS HOW IT WAS DONE until we took the values from our neighbouring culture where woman was at the bottom of the foodchain.. (was).
the idea is, that (as man) you are bringing another person in your life and household, YOU have to feed her, YOU have to provide to her, she is here for YOU, so comforting her in terms of finance, and clean house and food on table is MAN’s responsibility..
if u look closely where the ‘women doing household’ came in from, it came in AFTER islam came in south asia..
if she’s pregnant and other kids need attention+time, if she’s sick, and if she’s injured..
but again, with time, roles are switched, and what women’s voluntarily-taken role of household worker was, is now taken as compulsary
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She is also exempt by default when you've done something royally wrong, and you are under punishment.
Re: Duties of a Wife
level, level ki baat hay pcg
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she can also be beat (or whichever version of that word you like to use) if husband follows the proper guidelines in the quran that advice on how to deal with problems with one's wife. but yeah it's not compulsary for her to do all that house work. damn them hindus
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obviously it depends.
if she isnt working and the husband is bringing in the moolah, she can do a majority of the housework.
if both are working then (a) get a maid or (b) share the housework
if shez working and husband isnt then he should do a majority of the housework
and if both of them are compatible with each other from the start then there isnt much need to define duties...they'll understand each other's needs and wants and fulfill them. (stuff like surprise gifts, massages ;), tolerating in-laws etc etc)
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a woman's place.. is in a man's heart..and her duty is the same as his.
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i posted a good wifes guide. this should be mandatory reading for confused estrogen high gals especially before posting on gupshup.
