During the rishta process...

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: During the rishta process...

sup Reha. I don't find anything wrong with providing medical report as well as salary info. I think..when the rishta is arranged both parties have full right to inquire about these stuff. Thanks to some desi families who lie and hide anything.

22

Re: During the rishta process...

What you are saying now is different, last post you mentioned "take leap of faith", that does not apply every where. Allah has given us minds and brain to use them. I agree, we cannot Know everything about a person, but the person should still do what they can to their best extent THEN leave it on Allah.

23

Re: During the rishta process...

See, I've never asked anyone for one but someone asked me...lol

So far, its been okay to talk about salary info, family background, employment, education, etc. But medical history has not really been touched in normal rishta situations. Normally people don't ask for it.

I don't know if I should be offended or go with the flow.

24

Re: During the rishta process...

I guess just generally asking is cool. However, asking for a full on report would irk me..

25

Re: During the rishta process…

hmm what about this country where degrees bhi jalee hay ?How hard would it be to get fake papers made? :hmmm:

26

Re: During the rishta process...

If u like the family/person and want it to go further why not say ur fine with it as long as they share their report too? That way at least it's on an equal footing.

I had friends in sciences who swore if they had an arranged marriage they would ask for detailed medical reports but they never actually did . :@:

27

Re: During the rishta process...

Yeah - what I said is not different at all, it's the same thing and it still stands. You can't find out everything about that person, no matter how hard you try. I said leap of faith - that still therefore stands, because you can never satisfy your heart that you have found out E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G about that person - can you? So you try and match the couple up as well as the family up on similar things, do a lot of praying - A LOT - and then make your decision.

28

Re: During the rishta process...

Even if you ask someone for the medical report? What you should expect in it to know about that person?

Heart diseases? Cancer? Signs of STDs, virginity test or other sexual problems?

29

Re: During the rishta process...

Ok now I'm really curious. What type of medical report did he ask you for exactly?

Personally, I wouldn't be offended. Of course, HE also needs to be willing to provide whatever report he's asking you to provide.

30

Re: During the rishta process...

Everyone has their own level of comfort so if you don't mind Reha then go for it.

I won't be surprised if people started asking each other to take the lie detector test next. For some that would be a bit too much but for others, no biggie. Whatever floats your boat.

31

Re: During the rishta process...

Based on the statistic there are many disease that either gender can effect or Infect each other---but a Medical report obtaining in a 3rd world country there are no guarantee that it would be accurate ---- requesting a medical report should be a right for either person-- but our traditions culture are so biased that it will cause a chaos instead of a happy Marriage ?? and of course there are some diseases that don;t show up right away and take few years to develop - looking the pros and cons (in a environment where culture-traditions-rituals-and family ties are everything) and -- I think it is not such a good idea -- I would not ask for one --but where I reside it is a law for certain diseases to be checked prior to obtaining a license to get married- I certainly believe that every country must establish a law for certain disease to be checked prior to a marriage-

32

Re: During the rishta process...

I do not understand, if a country does health checks before giving a marriage license then its acceptable .. but if a family wants to satisfy doubts and make a healthy decision, then the culture kicks in?

Does the culture take responsibility when things go wrong in the marriage? I dont think so.

33

Re: During the rishta process...

I think I would be weirded out but I guess I could talk about it. I don't understand how that would be relevant to getting married unless I had a terminal illness but then if I wasn't up front about that couldn't I be sued for fraud?

34

Re: During the rishta process...

He asked for a physical...so he knows I am healthy.

The only thing I can think of is that he might want to make sure I have kids.

And no, he hasn't offered to give me one.

35

Re: During the rishta process...

maybe he is an insurance salesman?

36

Re: During the rishta process...

A traditional physical isn't going to give him any info. about your ability to have kids.

To be honest, you should ask him if he'd be willing to provide you the exact "reports" he's asking you to provide him. His answer to that should give you great insight about him as a potential spouse in my opinion (ie. his ability to treat you as his equal).

37

Re: During the rishta process...

I was asked if i had any type of fertility issues (pcos or irregular periods). My husband is the only son, so i understand that they wanted grandchildren. Too bad they didn't test him :(. The in-laws didnt ask for any tests or reports, just in general.

However, i know too many sad stories that ended up with the girl being cheated. One case, where the guy had blood cancer, then he told the girl's family, that he is all clear now, so they got married. Only 2 months later, he died. The girl was kicked out, the in-laws took all her gold, saying that they had spent too much on their son and needed the money. She's happily married elsewhere now.

Another, a girl in Pakistan was arranged to marry her cousin who had lived his whole life in Bahrain. Rich, wealthy family living abroad, the girls family thought it was a perfect rishta. They had only seen a photo of his face, and went ahead. When the girl walked up to the stage after nikkah, he didn't stand up for her. People whispered that he's being rude. At time of Rukhsati, his brother carried him off the stage and put him in the car... he had no use of his legs, severly physically disabled... she's like his full time nurse

38

Re: During the rishta process...

The law only requires to be checked for STD,AIDS and Hepatitis B and C nothing more --I agree with this Limited important tests because these diseases are transmitted to partner and fetus and can have very damaging effects.

Apart of that if someone needs a complete physical --all labs-- then the next step will be people asking the complete genome of a person before getting married ?? there may come a time in future probably this will be required by law to prevent birth defects and congenital diseases... but i believe with above mentioned law requirement is suffice to give assurance to each person and still is up to the person if he/she wants to marry that person or not --Love is blind most of time-- people see things later in life after being married-------- but i still believe in LOVE and respect handles most things in life -- apart of Sucker the money god it has no cure -----(greed)-----------Peace out

39

Re: During the rishta process...

O sorry i misread your post --YES--> If there is a preexisting condition, disease or disorder it must be Truthfully declare because if not that would be cheating and lying -----------peace out

40

Re: During the rishta process...

I don't mind doing it. I get a physical every year.

But isn't there something that's a little off about this? I mean, whatever happened to making things work no matter what? Like what if this dude developed diabetes ten years later (Nauzubillah)............do I get to give him back and get another? Does he come with a warranty? What if (Nauzubillah) something happens to me? Will he send me home with a receipt?

I don't know if I am okay with this because its not really a relationship, is it?