I witnessed a fight between a young married couple. They had recently returned from abroad. The man belonged to a family where most women do pardah. The female would wear fashionable western clothes like pants and stuff. They met when they were abroad. Both Pakistani.
Hmmm…So they had come from abroad recently and the lady was going out with her friend. She was wearing a shalwaar kameez fashioned like a shirt and pant kinda, but no dupatta. Her saheli was with her.
Her hubby was like, “Suno, dupatta pehn lo bahar janay se pehle”
The female was like, “I can’t handle a dupatta, it keeps flying in the air and looks old fashioned so I’m not going to wear it”
He was like, “Mein keh raha hoon na dupatta pehno. Dupattay ke baghair mein tumhein ghar se bahar qadam rakhtay naheen dekhna chahta”
She’s like [a lil miffed] “Mein ja rahi hoon aur mujhay koi naheen rok sakta”
She walks to the door.
He shouts [angry] “Qadam bahar rakhay toh taangein tor doon ga”
She shouts [angry] “Tor k dikhao”
She steps out. He grabs her arm, pulls her inside the house (in front of her friend as well), locks the door, and shouts “Ab ja kar dikhao”
Hmmmm.
A fight follows.
They are both like “Tum kitnay badal gaye ho shadi ke pehle toh aise nai the”
She finally weras the dupatta which is more like a sash. He allows her to go. She goes.
Hmmmmm. My question is: Was he right in forcing her to wear that dupatta in this manner or not?
My opinion btw: I think she should have listened to him when he asked her to wear the dupatta and she shouldn't have refused, but his way of dealing with her refusal sucked. I'm sure he could have asked her in a nicer manner and she would have obliged. Larai kee wajah dono haen. Pehel larki ne zaroor kee lekin Banday ne bhee sambhaalnay k bajayay maamla mazeed bigaar dya.
Yeh baat pyaar say bhi samjha sakta tha. There is no harm in wearing a duppata if your husband's asking you to. If he has never asked before and in a changed setting he insists on something,then she must realize that there is a deeper meaning attached to his request ( that is if he really requested her).
Minerva true dat. Khair shuru mein us ne sharafat se hi kaha but her refusal got him angry. i think his anger was chalein phir bhee justified but his further reaction was too much.
TJ agreed, his way of dealing with it was unIslamic b/c no matter what, grabbing her arm and pulling her like that (though you'll be surprised how common this is in our culture) was just disgusting. Come on, you're a guy, you know you're more powerful, so what are you trying to achieve by being physically violent with your wife. You can control someone once or twice with violence but with kindness you can really win their heart but he chose to go the violent way. She also should have worn the freakin dupatta.
I think if he had taken her separate and told her to wear dupatta and explained to her, she would have probably listened to him. These things should not be dealt with in public like that. If she is modern, he cannot change her in one day. So i think they are both at fault. The guy for bringing up the thing in front on the friend and then acting too strongly (as she may just go out and take off the dupatta and put it in her purse; he didnt make any difference, just made her more against wearing dupatte). She is at fault because she should understand what he is saying.
To me they both seem to be fighting to show others as to who is in control.
one should dress or wear clothes according to their surroundings. the wife here is at fault. i wear chadar when i am going out with my very conservative/pardah wali cousins so i can blend it and doesnt feel like an outsider. like wise i'll wear only dupatta when i am going out with my not so conservative cousins.
its the same like wearing jeans/skirts in the western countries, mainly because u want to blend in with the society and norms of that culture.
Suroor_CA2:
Dont you think thats hypocrisy. You do what others are doing, granted "do what the romans did in rome". But theres a limit.
So you wont have a problem chomping on Pork chops since three people on your table are eating pork chops? OR What if three people try to get into group sex would you join them? AS your signature and location implies you wont have a problem going to bars and getting drunk either? right.
I guess you must be a Wannabe Gori. Then again you might be.
verizon tidday: u have so much to learn in life my dear. i dont have a problem other people eating pork or drinking infront of me. but i think irem was talking about a whole different social issue here. by all means allow ur women to wear bikini in the streets of karachi if u think thats an okay thing to do. and whats with the personal attack such as “wanna be gori”?
and for being hypocrite, that i am (atleast i dont have a problem admitting it). and group sex well.. thats a bit extreme dont u think? ( abhi tak kabhi dekhnay ka itefaq nahien howa). aqal thori naqis hai appki.
oh btw who gave u the authority to judge me like that? doesnt that make u a hypocrite? jumma jumma ath din howay nahien hai ..chalay hai apnay fatway dainay
and if u think wife wearing dupatta n pakistan comes under “crossing some sort of limits” to app ka Allah he hafiz hai.
Suroor_ca02 little chickie: Your post gave the impression that you would do anything to blend in. Hence the examples. BTW I personally don't have a problem people or desis eating pork or drinking either. If I offended you my apologies. I am glad that you admit that you are a hypocrite (not that many people have guts to come forward and admit).
As far as who gave me authority. I dont need authority. You got a problem go b1tch to the mod.
[QUOTE]
jumma jumma ath din howay nahien hai ..chalay hai apnay fatway dainay
and if u think wife wearing dupatta n pakistan comes under "crossing some sort of limits" to app ka Allah he hafiz hai.
[/QUOTE]
women in our culture should be modestly dressed...and they should wear duppattas..the husband was 100% correct...first its no dupatta then its low cut jeans...slippery slope here..
though i disagree with him physically locking her up in a room...if he is so itching to use force then he should try it on someone of his own size not on fragile women..
arey.. ajeeb admi ho, what did i ever do to u bhei? i dont remember stepping on ur tail .. blah. i dont recall wearing chadar or dupatta was suppose to be harming anyone in anyway:-/
lussi: what if the woman is like the wrestler china?
I don't think the issue is whether or not she should wear a dupatta. When we girls wear jeans and a shirt in public, there is no dupatta. So why have the dupatta on with the shalwaar kameez? THAT is a separate debate.
I don't see how the two of them decided to get married in the first place. If the way of thinking is that different between the two that one is conservative and the other is liberal, then that should have been thought about BEFORE the marriage.
He could have definitely behaved better with her - she's probably just doing it to piss him off in the first place. As for whether she should have done what he asked, that's a separate issue. Just because you're someone's husband doesn't mean that you have the right to order them around and dictate to them what to do and what not to do. In that case, marry your dog.
pata nahi kio but i like those kinds of guys who tells you what to do and what not to do i mean hubby not all guys.. and guys who get angry on you wow i love it...
but in this case yeah it is totally wrong to say that in front of a friend :)
