Well I do understand actually. If you want to straighten your hair nothing wrong with that, but what's the idea behind asking somebody else to straighten it against their choice?
i'd feel like my husband's possession if he asked me to wear it. but i dunno... if it deters others attention away from me, i might.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Mr Xtreme: *
Well I do understand actually. If you want to straighten your hair nothing wrong with that, but what's the idea behind asking somebody else to straighten it against their choice?
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I don't know. To me, it sounds like a shallow and superficial request of her future MIL cause it has to do with making DD look more 'presentable' to the community. She's already a good-looking girl. She doesn't need any alterations. Plus, she has long hair which means it'll take her a lot longer to do it. I would tell her MIL to straighten her own hair!
Xtremesy, i really am clueless myself. They just don’t like my hair so they want me to straighten it. Problem is that although i wouldn’t mind straightening it, i look like a sheepdog when i do. Then again it all boils down to how dare they dictate my darn hairstyle to me 
Mehnaz, i love my curly hair though. I hate straight hair. Every girl in the UK has the slick sleek straight hair and it’s a wonder that anyone can spot the difference between them all. Succch a manufactured look.
And about hijab, thats what i think. Why should i have to wear it cuz my in-laws want me to. I don’t mind hubby asking me 
But in laws is just too much ESPECIALLY considering i’m not even married yet. I mean if this is what they’re like to a 21 year old kunwari kuli imagine how they going to dictate my life to me post-marriage. 
Bharysh, i think it’s cute if your hubby wants you to wear it. And plus i’m making a deal with him..if i have wear hijab then he has cope with certain other things he doesn’t like. It’s all about compromise after all ..
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
I don't know. To me, it sounds like a shallow and superficial request of her future MIL cause it has to do with making DD look more 'presentable' to the community. She's already a good-looking girl. She doesn't need any alterations. Plus, she has long hair which means it'll take her a lot longer to do it. I would tell her MIL to straighten her own hair!
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Damn right love. Damn right.
They want this NEW look DD. Someone who wears a hijab/jilbab, reads 5 times namaz, treats hubby as King, pujas in-laws and on top of that has straight hair and never wears short sleeved clothes.
Exactly the opposite of what i am lol.
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by *Disco~Duck: *
Mehnaz, i love my curly hair though. I hate straight hair. Every girl in the UK has the slick sleek straight hair and it's a wonder that anyone can spot the difference between them all. Succch a manufactured look.
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I leave my hair natural too sometimes cause it looks good wavy. I also don't like the super-straight, long hairstyle (parted in the middle of course) which most desi girls sport. If your hair doesn't frizz in the rain or humidity, you are very fortunate indeed! My hair becomes very frizzy in the humidity ... only in Canada though. Everytime I've been in Mexico or somewhere it is boiling hot, my hair goes completely curly and it looks good.
Anyway, at the end of the day, it is your hair. You should wear it the way YOU want. Anyway, no one will see your straightened hair if you wear a hijaab for your MIL. Kind of defeats the purpose of straightening it, right?
^ Mehnaz, spot on.
I'm a lazy person to begin with and am pretty independant when it comes to looks. If i want to look like a dog i will and if i want to neaten up i will and i don't give two hoots what anyone thinks or says. So for me to spend hours tugging away at my hair and then have it covered in a hijab and top that off with it going back curly the next day i wash it...insane. Really is.
Curly hair requires so much work na? I use L'oreal curling mousse which is fab but i've tried more expensive versions by Umberto Gianni, Tony & Guy and they're useless. If i were to straighten it, it'd end up going frizzy if it ever rained ( and in UK i can pretty much bet on that).
And everyone the good news is that my in laws are flying back to Denmark tomorrow and that is the end of them for a while :p
What does curling mousse do? Make it curl even more? 
Don’t bother straightening it, I doubt it’ll do the hair much good either. btw, are you going to move to Denamrk or is your finicky fiance over here?
Xtreme, natural curls tend to be pretty limp and unexciting. Mousse is the secret behind those wonderful curls, well not mine, but you know the girls on the streets, the TV Ads.
I'm moving there, shame. If he was moving over he'd never get away with dictating my life to me :p My country, my life, my rules. However it's vice versa in this case..
Yes, if its my husbands wish and 'provided' that I care for him. As for susral walas, our desi culture is replete with stories in which susral walas or in-laws interfere a lot in ones life (if only its constructive than who would ever mind).
DD, well, what can I say. My sasoo to be (who is facing this question 'to be or not to be') because of these very criticisms ( you know when they start doing it with girls who are already down to earth, understanding they end up turning them into the most hated 'bahoos). I might be relieved, lets see.... :-)
You know what, there is a saying( Aata goondhatay waqt hilti qyoon ho, why you move to and fro or else back and forth while kneading the flour) that is they have to make sure that the bahoo to be keep in line . :)
Or else they have to bring up something or the other if everything else is goin on smoothly.
However, I fail to understand the reason behind straightening of hair..
Its more or less the same with me. If I want to wear something or if I dont want to apply mehndi, make intricate and elaborate patterns or else I am not to fond of wearing dozen bangals , than I think its my right, its my life , isn't it :( They came to know that I was wearing trousers at a private, low key function , my my, that lady raised a hue and cry abt it. "maghribi libaas pehan liya" :D
So, get ready...
The Disco Duck in Denmark? It doesn't bear thinking about...
Aren't Danish people really dull? Apart from our Saba of course who's the absolute tops.
I'll have to try some of this curling mousse and see what happens to mine.
You should try Frizz-Ease by Frieda. Their products are really good. Also, Marc Anthony's Straightener (if you ever do decide to straighten your hair) or Curl Control.
I prefer products by Frieda though.
My sister has mega curly hair...tight curls that start from the root all the way down....hair like Curly Sue (was that her name?). She uses Frizz-Ease and it works well on her hair.
Do you know anyone in Denmark? Will you be living with his family?
losty chanda, I agree with you. I haven’t really given them much reason to be bitched about so they start pulling up the most lamest of things. And in the end if they continue like this i can forecast hating them but secretly cuz i’m not much of a fighter. That’s what irks me most. I know i WILL do what they want me to do and i know that they will take advantage of that - as they already are. One comment has given me such a headache and this is just the beginning…
Xtreme, i knew you’d understand. Where’s my hug 
?
LOLLLLLLLLL you have curly hair. HOW UTTERLY CUTE ! When do i get to see you btw?
Mehnaz, are you trying to hint towards straightening it?? Marcs gizmos 
?
YEah, it get’s WORSE. I have to live with his family. Ammi wants me to stay in UK and for him to move here and i hope to God he does. The prospect of him going to work or jammat or on Arabic learning courses for months on end and ME and the MIL at home…:shudder:
Nah, your hair is too long to straighten. I know I wouldn’t have the patience. 
Perhaps you should read and post your opinion of living with in-laws in the ‘looking after’ thread in the General Forum. I am at the point of hitting my head against a brick wall in that ‘debate’.
I wish you luck! It’s something I know I wouldn’t be able to tolerate no matter how hard I tried…especially if your future MIL is already dictating her demands.
AWww thanx babes. I think i’m gona head over there now and give you a helping hand 
hmmmm well depends,
if theyre tellin me to do this n tht before marriage i’ll talk to my abbu tht its jus not right, in my abbu ji’s house i shud be livin as i wish,
after marriage i dont really know, if he asks me personally i think i wud, but if its his family i doubt it cuz i hve tht bad rebellious kind of nature..
and i really dont get tht hair thing:hehe: ive got really curly hair like rings if u get wat i mean, and i luv thm they r not like curly right from the roots… i think u shud ask em again wat theyve got against curly hair
There you go Ducky
I normally get slapped down for that so it’s a pleasant change.
As for when you see me well we’ll work something out maybe. I have to say the whole situation sounds weird to me wrt your fiance but maybe it’ll work out ok and you’ll end up being a good li’l wife 
anyway, good luck IF you decide to go through with it.
hm. i read all the replies in this thread - although this discussion seems almost over, i couldn't help feeling like responding to the hair issue. i simply don't understand why she would want you to straighten out your hair - i saw your pic in the Image Forum, i think your hair is fabulous Masha'Allah. If i was blessed to have hair like that, i wouldn't do anything different to it than what i normally do to it - continue to use mousse, etc.
The thing that strikes me, though, is that i know people w/in my rishtidaaron who don't like curly hair either - and their "reasoning" behind that stinks to me. Even the hijab/dupatta issue i can understand (although that's also stretching it, because from the Islamic pov, it should not be enforced but rather come from the heart) but -- i really question her right to suggest straightening your hair. It's beautiful as is Masha'Allah. When i went to highschool, we used to die to have hair like that, rather than the boring straight version.
hmmm :~/ 'fraid i don't have anything to suggest, but i hope you don't have to actually do this one day. It's not so much the straightening part that bothers me, but the bossing around that lies behind it, even before the marriage has taken place, that irks me because i have seen it upclose in my family as well and it really bothers me.
Ducky.. kabhi faarigh waqt mein apni saas say poochiyay ga, ke unhay aap mein nazar kiya aaya hai?
I don't mean it in a bad way.. just curious. She must have some good points why she wants to "nathi" you with her chasm-e-badur raaja jaani. If she is gonna boss around on insignificant li'l things like straightening hair then its probably not worth the whole thing. Looks like it your saas has li'l clue about you, your thoughts and what ticks you. Doesn't bode well for "Happily Ever After".
My heart cries reading stories from hell of girls like DD. No offence DD, but you are a prime example of a daughter whose parents are committing a crime by forcing you into this marriage. The rest of my post is not about DD.
There is this big ploy by most Pakistani parents. They raise the daughter in such a way that she is easily manipulated and "moulded" by her future in-laws. They do so by not emphasizing on the importance of professional education (High School or A-levels don't count in today's world). As a matter of fact some parents discourage their daughters from becoming too educated. They fear it would be hard to find a son-in-law who is more qualified than her.
The sad fact is that parents don't realize that this "baitee" who they consider a "Bhoj" can be so much joy if she becomes a little independent. Giving a little freedom and authority to girls can make their lives so much meningful. But there is no place for such girls in our screwed up culture. However, things are changing and the open-minded Pakistani man is interested in a partner who is more than just a door-mat.