IM SERIOUS!!!!! Chandbeti my friends father was like that, its a sad story
her father used to beat her mother so badly,she had 2 other brothers,
one day he beat her up so badly the doctor told the police, the husband got taken away to a 'mental institute' during his stay he used to call home withthreatening calls to his wife (of course she told her family no-one listened)
ok so these ppl let him out of there with a knife on a 'walk'. its friday night the kids have come home from school and their ammi is making parattas guess who breaks the window open? enter their loving daddy
he then beat his wife and stabbed her to death in front of his children
the neighbour heard the screams and ran into their house and took the kids with him - the mother was beyond being saved-
anyway the police r saying it wasnt his fault. hes back in the mental institute even though he isnt mental
and bloody desi communities r saying its the wifes fault, yeah right
the kids are in care bcos their relatives wont keep them since both the parents r related, my friend also died, of some kind of an athma attack soon after,
there are so many of these cases, ude better tell ure friend tosort something out b4 it gets outta hand,
one thing u need to know, a shooting i can understand but when it comes to fists...its only the start
As I said before...don;t listen to kids who have no idea what the hell they are talking about, have never been in a realtionship and are offering idiotic advice. Intervene...comvince her to get help or escalate it yourself. This is not peshawar or calcutta or dhaka..women have choices and one of those inalienable rights being the pursuit of happiness, if not life and liberty.
I know somebody like that too. She is a Pakistani girl married to an Afghan guy and he beats her till she gets bruised. Thats done normally while he gets drunk and he gets drunk every other day. She refuses to do anything about it, afraid to report the father of her kids to the police. His family knows about it and take her in when he beats her up. Her family is in Pakistan. I guess in the end it's only up to the victim to do something about it.
did somebody suggest that things like this are a private matter between husband and wife??? thats pathetic :( I know that it is upto the sufferer to stand up to it....sometimes people dont stand up because they think/are
1) things will change in due course
2) blindly in love
3) about the future ki aage kya hoga ( insecurity feeling)
here is one sick mind who needs to be dumped - no two ways about - she needs counselling and needs to be convinced....
CB, there was this cousin of mine who was in Hyderabad...she too used to suffer a lot - drunk hubby who used to abuse her / beat her..
she hid a lot from the friends / relatives/ parents..one day while I was talking to her - she broke down..What I did was - I invited her on the pretext of vacation and then convinced her...of course it was not easy she was too scared of consequences..finally I was able to convince her and she filed for divorce....now she stays at her parents place and is mentally at peace with herself..
Chandbeti, will you be able to live with yourself if something happened to her and you did nothing about it? If you take other peoples' advice and "stay out of it", then I say it's better to end the friendship altogether cause IMHO, knowing that your friend is her hubby's punching bag and staying quiet about it is not being a "friend" at all. Sometimes, friends are needed to intervene. She may destest you in the beginning, but you will be saving her life. That's the way I see it.
OSAP: You are bang on with your rationale. half of the convincing is about what does the daylight at the end of tunnel look like. WOmen have an untapped strength and ambition that needs to be brought out, which is giving way to insecuties for some. Also, what kind of precendence does this set for her kids. Kids learn from their parents and some of these pathos are cyclical.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Chandbeti, will you be able to live with yourself if something happened to her and you did nothing about it? If you take other peoples' advice and "stay out of it", then I say it's better to end the friendship altogether cause IMHO, knowing that your friend is her hubby's punching bag and staying quiet about it is not being a "friend" at all. Sometimes, friends are needed to intervene. She *may destest you in the beginning, but you will be saving her life. That's the way I see it.
[/QUOTE]
Mehnaz: I had never planned on following the advice of "staying out of it". I have been asking her to dump him for like months now. But I need to do something drastic now. I am planning on recording the phone convo between us..where I'll get her to say all that has been happening with her( trick her into saying it.. ). This will be the proof for her parents to believe me..even if she denies all that when confronted by them. They will surely do all that is needed to save her from him. Then I will also be trying to boost her self-confidence alongside. If her parents decide to call the police on him.. the tape will come handy I figure.
things should be kept between teh couple..normal stuff, plans, budgets, family issues, little fights and disagreements.
but someothing like physical abuse should not be kept just between teh couple, the relationship has ceased to be a normal relationship and the rules for a normal relationship do not apply.
One of my cousins left an abusive relationship, she was an educated professional, very confident and all, hubby was a jackass, she got support from the family and decided it was not worth her time to try and change gim, she left him..continued her career and found a great guy in a few years and is very happy.
I know of another situation wher the girls brother’s went to give the husband a last warning…touch her again and we will take care of you, the couple sought counselling after that, but although the physical abuse stopped the marriage was not salvageable and she left him.
deis like to get involved in menial stuff like and in everyone else’s business otherwise, but when it comes to critical issues want to take a back seat and let the couple work it out.
If one person in the couple is beating up another one.. i doubt that they can work it out themselves..
not that this needs to be said but before someone comes in and says she should stay quiet for her honor and forgive him since that is the ebstthing. lemme just pre-empt it and say thats a no no.
How can anyone think sweeping the issue under the proverbial rug would be the best way to keep the peace?! It's bad enough that married women almost always end up running the relationship with/without children included but aren't given their just credit, yet it's far worse for them to continue bearing verbal and mental abuse too. Even for those women who have no one to lean on, they can seek out organizations that will help them get back on their feet.
CB, as a friend, you can help this woman by being proactive and taking some well needed action to stop the abuse she suffers from on a consistent basis from this monster. Heck, it's a matter of life and death, ultimately! Staying quiet is not a way of proving your friendship. Like Fraudz said, if it was a small issue that normal relationships go through from time to time, it's not a big deal but abuse is most certainly not a normal pattern of a healthy relationship. Women today have options and although it may be difficult to come to grips with an issue such as abuse, there needs to be a prompt answer.