dear Pristine:
I agree with u about Gifts.there is nothing wrong init.Jo appni marzi and khusi say dia jata hai....kisi kay mang nay per nahi!!
Dear Funkydesi:
app ki bari or jahazi simple hoo ga.I know kay abhi be kuch log asay haan jin ka zameer abhi zinda haan.lakin sab ka sab asa nahi kartay...zahada tar demand hee hoti hai.jiss ko pora karna parta hai.
Dear Pari: We dont have to do anything except disregard such ppl & ignore thr demands. Why do we have to give in to such ppl?? thr are still believe it or not a lotta ppl who wud not ask nor expect " jahaiz" per say.
I geuss as girls or girls parents, we feel we " HAVE" to lower our standards.
Today thr going to ask for jahaiz, who knows what's tommorrow going to bring? Anothr Demand???
We dont have to sell ourselves short!!
Dear FunkyDesi:
u are right.We can ignore the demands some ppl do.lakin phir dhak nay ya be aya hai yab demands pori na hon tu Doughters ki marry nahi hoti ya kider ka insaaf hai ?
main na appni pali post main likha tha.
ager demads nahi hoti har Doughter kay parents appni khushi say jo day datay appni Doughters ko woh kafi tha kisi per burdan nahi tha...iss tarhan poor fmailies kay log be appni Doughters ki wedding kar nay main kamyab hotay.
I think t/ way dinner was banned, too much
" jahaiz " should also be penalized or t/ mullahs who have an opnion on everything should publicly condemn such a practice.
Altho on a diffent note, I was always in favour of 1 dish Dinner reception cuz not fair to t/ geusts specially w/ kids to go back home after t/ wedding & feed thr kids or to those who live in small houses and could not have dinner inside t/ house like t/ rich.
But sumthing MUST be done as a society to get rid of this menace . My cousin got married last yr & her parents gave t/ groom a watch worth One hundred thousand rupees+. You can immagine what else was given to t/ girl & t/ groom!
Some say " apnii larkii ko kuch bhii dain, apnii khushi say". T/ part that bothers me is if they have so much excess how abt helping sum poor guy's daughter's marriage?? Isn't simplicity one of t/ key themes of Islam?? Where are all t/ so called Mullahs now??
T/ whole thing has become sickening. There's anothr trend in Pakistan which will resume as soon as dinner is legalisd in Pakistan & that is to have 12-50 kinds of different dishes!! Imean where duz it stop??
PPle have to tke responsibility & curb thr need to show off & brides & grooms also need to seriously instruct parents not to throw lavish weddings. That is not what secures a marriage b/w 2 ppl.
Once agin we need to bring more education & concience to bring in our society & need to start frm sumwhere. How about from own families??
Sorry bout dis…
Ghalti ho gaye!!!
http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/silly.gif
[This message has been edited by Dr Who? (edited November 07, 2000).]
Dis is exactly what I am talking about
Ppar some people, tsk
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[This message has been edited by Dr Who? (edited November 07, 2000).]
[quote]
Originally posted by Aik-Masoom-Pari:
Aunty did u ever go to school in ur life,your response clearly shows sluggish 18th century mentality.Any body who really possess strong points never attack personally.
[/quote]
:D :D :D :D :D
Sorry bibi
never thought kay giving presents to one's own children was old fashioned, narrow minded, sluggish eighteenth century mentality
and even if it is then it doesnt bother me
i still stand by there is nothing wrong in showering one's offspring with gifts
Anchal eighteenth century main hi achi hay
dont wanna be in the twentyfirst century where women think its OK to roam around naked :D
Jealous again ;) ;)
sleevless Shirt = 21/c Naked half
[quote]
Originally posted by Anchal:
Anchal eighteenth century main hi achi hay,dont wanna be in the twentyfirst century where women think its OK to roam around naked :D
[/quote]
It is not important in Islam to get married only if other side is giving you jahaiz and such things. Most people in Pakistan "demand" things from the girl side other wise the rishta is off. Its like they are not marrying the girl, they are marrying the sofas and TVs and refrigrators. I think, it should be changed. People should be more open minded about marriage.
*V~V~V*He came, He saw, He conquered*V~V~V*
This is very good topic and i am happy that some one started to discues the general matters that should be solved,defined and marked as eraly as possible.These all matters are basically stoping us to go on our way if u people (very strenghty here)decide to define it then it means all that families decided it to do that.and advancement just has this way.
U are right dear....
now a days money is also in the list just like Tv or sofa.B/Parents want all the money from Girl parents which the spend on their son...for good study.or stuff like that.
I know some one in CA ..He said he gona marry with someone who can bring that much money with her.Its my worth.
Its mean in 21century too ppl think that way but why ?
[quote]
Originally posted by The Watcher:
**It is not important in Islam to get married only if other side is giving you jahaiz and such things. Most people in Pakistan "demand" things from the girl side other wise the rishta is off. Its like they are not marrying the girl, they are marrying the sofas and TVs and refrigrators. I think, it should be changed. People should be more open minded about marriage.
**
[/quote]
Dowry is a concept that ridicules our version of the institution of marriage to the rest of the world, and one that many abuse for personal financial or materialistic gain.
I got married in March to the most wonderful person I know. She comes from a family that is not as well off as mine. Her parents initially were hesitant in accepting my proposal because dowry factored into their decision making. I told them I did not expect a thing, that they ought to give their daughter what they see fit out of love and not a requirement on my part for their acceptance of my proposal was more than anything I could ever ask for.
The interesting thing is nikah is a legally binding contract between the two parties in which the groom agrees to pay the bride a haq mehr or dower. I find it interesting how hypocritical we as a society have become and that we try to pull a 'fast one' in the most sacred institution.
Many cases are abound where women are forced to release their husband of this obligation yet are forced to bring with them materials to help her new inlaws raise their standing in their neighborhood or social circles.
I believe this practice will continue to be a curse for the women of Pakistan and we are unlikely to force a change. It is sad that a country created on the principles of Islam, a religion that provided women with more rights than any other, has now reverted to practices of Arabia before the arrival of the Holy Prophet - a place where women are bought and sold as commodities based on their dowry.
IKhan
God i am back after a week and this is still stuck at the same point
My final thoughts
Lets not here say the tradition of giving Dowry or Bari to one's children is bad
In my eyes its a very loving and thoughtful gesture by the parents
My mummy still has bartan from her jahaiz, the sofas after being upholstered many a times are still the zeenat of our drawing room
My grandfather is dead now but his memories still are with us because mummy has saved up all the stuff from her jahaiz and it keeps her reminding of all the wonderful times she had with her parents purchasing her jahaiz
I once asked her why she wouldnt get a new lounge suite and her reply was that she just loves this one so much that she cant think of parting from it
If you want to discuss then discuss the mentality of individuals who have degraded and abused this lovely and beautiful tradition
discuss those whose minds are overpowered by greed
discuss those who lack the ability to distinguish between a human being and things
Lets not Blame the tradition