ok i dont wanna be hatin but i am really hating on this close friend of mine. yesterday there was a vigil for earthquake victims and although she had some schoolwork (we meet after work usually but since she said she was studying we decided not to…plus i was gonna attend the vigil) she showed up suddenly for the vigil…i was happy she was into it but then soon as she shows up she starts making fun of the crowd, the speakers…even the candles! …one guy spoke about the 'pains faced by the victims" and she says (kinda loud) “well I dont want any pains!” wtf? the whole time, while we are there to publicly grieve the tragedy, she has a mocking smile on her face!..by now i am fuming and i tell her 'u know no one is forcing u to stay…u CAN go back and study gurl" shez like o well lets get coffee bla bla…even forced me to leave and get coffee…She knew i wanted to be there…
anyways so when the whole thing ends she tells me to drop her back to class…and although i was pissed i was like ok i will…then on the way i just exploded and told her it was wrong of her to do such and such at the vigil and She remarks back that “all this is pretentious bull shit" she also told me that i am a hypocrite since i am so worried about the plight of people in pakistan and attending stupid vigils but i was never so concerned when the tsunami happened. (she is also a paki by the way). i replied that ofcourse pakistan is my country…whats your point? shez like "o stop this nationalistic bull sht”
i totally lost it then and told her to F* off and go drop her as& back to school herself since i dont feel like it…and i also said “i hope it happens to u so u realize..” i dunno why i said that!..i walked away and so did she in anger at hearing that. anyways im still pissed at being called all that but dunno if i did the right thing.
Why did she go if she didn't want to be there? That was pretty rude of her to make those remarks. I see her point of view too, but if she thought it was pretentious to be there, she shouldn't have gone in the first place. Personally, I think you did the right thing by telling her how you felt ... perhaps you didn't have to throw her out of the car, but she was being pretty insensitive.
Shweety and you said she was your best friend? I think its time you find a new best friend...the one who will not be inconvininced(sp?) by the pain and suffering of human beings.
^^ kaleem yes she is a very good friend...but i dunno i feel like both of us increasingly disagreeing on so many issues.
realization hit me when i was discussing child trafficking in pak with her.....her replies are something like " o child prostitution has been going on for a while.......in x,y,z coutries...why are you only concerned about it now?" or "humans are humans everywhere.....i didnt see u show as much concern when there were bomb blasts in india, tsunami, iraq issue etc etc" what the hell am i supposed to say to that? i AM heartbroken at that too but isnt it only natural that iraqis will be MORE concerned with iraq and indian with INDIA? she says she shows the same reaction (indifference??) to all such situations...she doesnt discriminate bla bla....
So her issue is selective sympathy vs complete indifference and disrespect. I think selective sympathy is still better. If she ruins ur mood get rid of her SD.
shweets iknow wht you mean i had a so called best freind like that as wel , thankfully wehave falenout now and i don't have to suffer anymore. good riddace, pehaps you should consider sumthing like as well
sara- no u are in a different boat altogether ....YOU ditched me for class! :(
femme- u r right but u know i feel guilty since she gave me a really cute gift for eid and i was gonna get her something too this saturday...i even told her we'll go shopping together this weekend now i feel really awkward going with her and guilty if i dont....
ugh!
That seems really, really insensitive of her...u know some ppl said that to me too when i wanted to do some stuff for the quake victims, they were like u didn't do anything for Katrina or Tsunami victims and y all this arrogance towards ur own ppl n all that...well i guess in a way they were rite, but at least now i was trying to help someone u know...anyway, like others have said...if she was that against it then she shudn't have even gone...and don't feel bad...sometimes our friends do or say shocking stuff, wot can u do...u know her better than us so u need to think about how much she means to u and if this incident was a one off thing or not.
I asked one of my friends if she knew about wat happened, she said no... she had no clue that there'd been an earthquake and stuff, and it pissed me off... i mean it doesnt take a genius or investigative reporting to knw bout teh devastation... and she just said "I dont hav time to watch the news" Well, again it doesnt take that long and she said "u never said anythin bout hurricane katrina :p... i didnt kno wat to say to that, coz i think iv'e been getting a tad too arrogant with her in regards to religion and culture etc.. :(
SD, do you still want to be friends with her? If you do, then just call her and talk to her about what she said and let her know how you feel. I'm sure you two can work through it and she will realise that she hurt your feelings. If you don't want to continue being friends with her, then just let it go.
but mehnaz...do u think its valid to break up a friendship based on this? i mean i DO love to have heated debates with friends over stuff we dont agree on but i dont know why THIS particular one is pissing me off so much
Personally, I would not end the friendship but it all depends on how the other person treats me and how many times this type of behaviour has been exhibited in the past. If she acted stupid but you genuinely care and value the friendship, just clear the air with her. Call her and tell her that her comments really made you angry. Then take it from there. I'm sure she didn't deliberately say that stuff to upset you, even though it was really insensitive. In the long run, friends are supposed to support each other and respect each others' differences. If she can't respect your decision to pay respect to the victims of the earthquake ... well then I think you have your answer. I would talk to her first though.
Well, it’s never “right” when we loose our cool, but it’s completely understandable. But you were definitely right in telling her what she did was unacceptable…why did she go if she felt that way? I’m not big on vigils myself, but to go there just to make light of a serious thing is just wrong…
Some people are just so thick headed, though that by telling them they’re wrong, they’re more likely to think they were right. It’s hard, but try not to get angry…things always come out wrong in that state of mind…
Simply say your tax dollars are not going to Pakistan…nor do the Pakistanis have insurance policies…or a rich government that will step in and provided assistance to the quake victims.
You are a citizen of the States, and so it’s only right for you to expect action on the part of institutions and governments whose function is to look after those victims.
One doesn’t have to lobby a government to go into action on it’s own territory…or rally people to their countrymen’s aid. That’s always the case with foreign disasters.
On the other hand, bringing up perceived inaction on other tragedies is simply an excuse for cynicism.
…one guy spoke about the 'pains faced by the victims" and she says (kinda loud) “well I dont want any pains!” wtf? the whole time, while we are there to publicly grieve the tragedy, she has a mocking smile on her face!..by now i am fuming and i tell her 'u know no one is forcing u to stay…u CAN go back and study gurl" shez like o well lets get coffee bla bla…even forced me to leave and get coffee…She knew i wanted to be there…
