My family is trying to get me to talk to this guy who is from an ‘acha khandaan’ and is ‘very shareef’ and I agreed to look into it, but I stated flatly my demands and what I expect and also indicated that looks-wise he doesn’t appeal to me at all. Now I’m getting told that I shouldn’t have so much pride and don’t look at the looks, guys blossom after marriage etc. I also got put off that he went to a so-so university and not a top one and only has an undergrad.
But given that I’m in my late 20s, been through several rishta procedures where the guys turned out to be total asses and left me wailing, I had to get together my self-confidence, make myself who I am today and figure out what it is I want.
Now I appreciate the family looking after my future, but I cannot be arsed to talk to guys anymore. It seems like a futile set-up, and so contrived coz I know as soon as I start communicating with him, everyone will want to know whats going on.
aah catwoman , I thought i was the only one !!! I went through this for a good few years before getting nikkah’ed … the rishta’s , talking to the guys , family anticipating , and when i would refuse , them all of a sudden getting all high and telling me who do i think i am etc etc !!!
to be honest , this is what i learnt from my experience : at the end of the day, only two things matter to get a good life : a man of character and strong morals and an educated fellow who can take on the responsibility of a family.
I realized all goodlooking men are somehow out of proportion when it comes to character /education/looks .. they are just pure charmers put dont have much substance to them … and most of the time come with excess baggage !
then there are those who are ordinary looking , but are men of substance and can give you that feeling of being protected and taken care of …
I ultimately decided to go for the ordinary guy … and alhamdullillah since nikah i have gotten to know him really well , I am not perfect and neither is he , he gives me strength where i am weak and I give him support where he needs me .. and life is mashallah good ..
so I say , dont waste your valuable life running after that perfect someone ! all that glitters is not gold
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
CW - if the guy is from a good family and is decent and as they said shareef, that scores him some serious points.
Looks - nobody wants to end up with an utterly atrocious partner. If he is hideous and a serious turn off, then yeah you make sense. If he is an average looking man, perhaps it might not be a good idea to turn the guy down just because he aint the man of your dreams, if you know what I mean. Looks do matter, that is a fact and nobody can deny that, but in such long term commitments, if a person is best looking and charming, but has an arse for a brain, looks will fade in a few days. A little compromise in this department shouldnt be too much of a trouble really.
Education, an under grad, yeah that is an issue. If the guy is well settled otherwise and running a business or something, then education doesn't matter much perhaps?
Going through rishta procedures for a girl can be a very disturbing experience, I feel you there. And I agree that you should not be arsed into the first available option merely because you are in your late 20's. People marry in mid 30's and late 30's and have a fulfilling life. Being married is not a yardstick for happiness.
Having said all, I would certainly suggest a self-assessment for the standards you have set and the probability of someone fitting into those criteria. You are a better judge!
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
Catty, I know where you're coming from...:) I went through so many rishtas and have so many stories I could tell...you all would die laughing.
A few things that might help:
Clear your head of any ex's (not saying there are any)
Never compare one person with another...BIG mistake
Definitely look at the average guys...they can surprise you by having not-so-average minds and capabilities
Dont let anyone else's labels, definitions or attitudes define or influence what you want to do.
Ive been given the same labels...never cared an ounce about them. Why? Because at the end of the day...the label-givers go home and guess who has to deal with a decision I was pressured to make? Me.
Re: don’t label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
@ cat woman..- not to be mean ..but i agree… why are the good looking guys all apes and idiots … :(..oh well..good luck hun…ive been thru something like this recently n it had been draggin for over a year…keep us posted…lets hope n pray Inshalah there are a few good men left in this world …:aq:
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
appearances, appearances and appearances.................stop living in this fool'z paradise as all that glitters is not gold. look for life long things such as eductaional background and the moralistic aspect and nature of the guy as these are the things which further either boast up ur morale or ruin ur life. remember that it is not a matter of few hours or a short span of life, it is a matter of ur life so think wisely and do not live in a transitory world.
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
Catwoman I dont think you should marry the guy that you are talking about ( the undergrad.) Don't worry it's perfectly fine to be picky. I'm really picky when it comes to these things.
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
actually i think its very offensive to demean someone about where they got the education from and what they look like...it wasnt their choice that they look like that, it's Allah's work.. and who knows why the person got their education from a 'so-so' university
Re: don't label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
its not the looks...its complicated... sometimes the chemistry matters too..well...i agree looks arent everything but it is a criteria for men too... n for some what uni you went to what pay you get etc dont matter. even getting a good muslim practicing husband these days is hard...:(
its not the looks...its complicated... sometimes the chemistry matters too..well...i agree looks arent everything but it is a criteria for men too... n for some what uni you went to what pay you get etc dont matter. even getting a good muslim practicing husband these days is hard...:(
aww, its not hard - its just ur time is not here yet to meet the right guy =)
I used to think the same way but you know when u leave things upto Allah then trust me when u r least expecting someone land infront of you that you never imagined of. Yea and then you n the other person need to make an effort to get to know eachother but trust me when ur time is right then you will find Mr.right as well.
Re: don’t label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
^ thank you Lois…m glad you managed to meet the ideal one ..inshalah …i keep hoping the same ..well..whenever i think of it…:D…but honestly …i dont seem to come across any good practicing men … n the ones i do that practice are married …the ones that arent practicing are idiots…
Re: don’t label unmarried girls as snobbish or picky
Hey whats wrong with undergrads Im still two classes away from a masters/grad degree But honestly, its Ive discovered while working hands on, that a masters degree is just an expensive piece of paper.
lol - but maybe that “expensive” piece of paper gives her “comfort”.
I know this girl who already has a good degree and get well pay… BUT she wants to continue studying… what the hell! I would be happy with a 100k job! LOL
The masters thing is overrated. My grandmother (dadi) had a masters degree and my grandfather (dada) had no degree but they still had a long and happy marriage.
…the ones that arent practicing are idiots…
Im still two classes away from a masters/grad degree