don't know what to do...

[diwana]

Re: don’t know what to do…

@rainbow1987

I am feeling sad and confused…the thing is my MIL is here to visit us she has been here for two months now and from the very first day of her arriving here my husband has been insulting me and criticizing me even more than he was before…(he uses words like : dafa ho jao,baqwas na karo,kutti and haramzadi..) and also he invited another random women I have never seen in my life to live with us (also for the last 2 months she said she only wants to stay for 2 days she is here on a student visa) and since my MIL in law is here I have prepared more than 10 dawaats for different guest and we had another dawaat last week and my husband was sleeping until 2-3 o clock and I was waking him up to get some stuff I needed for the dawat he woke up at 2:30 and was screaming at me only coz he had to get some stuff and was acting as if I had asked him to take over the world for me…and then I was preparing haleem and my one year old daughter was screaming I asked him to look after her and after I left her with him I heard him calling her haramzadi and kutti..I was so mad I asked him to sleep for another 4 hours and to leave us alone and I told him the dawaat was for his family and he could help out a bit..thats all I said..and than my MIL told me to be quiet and said that I am only doing this because I had to cook and work and that I dont even do that much and that I should look at others and how much they do and how they just shut up when their hubbys say something and that I always have to do “muqabla” and that its my fault because mard are just like that..she also said he works like a “kutta” for you what more do you want..
(he is 30 years old and has worked for the first time in his life..)then just ask him to stop working so that he can prepare the handi for u …she said my son is so nice to you..you know how other men treat their wife’s..you should be thankful..and she said all of this after seeing how he talks to me and knowing that he called our one year old kutti and haramzadi..and she was there when I cooked a dawaat for 10 of his friends and the next day he forgot my birthday and after I told him he said.. I dont have any money soo i cant buy u anything…yeah sure u cant coz u spent 200 pounds on ure friends…I am soo upset and now that i am really angry for the first time he acts as if he is sooooo innocent..i dont know what to do I just feel so empty and numb..

@rainbow1987

for example he was driving and almost run over someone and I told him “aap sahi tarha deekh nahin rahe the” and he goes “baqwas karti rehti ha”

@ShahreyarKhan

astagfirullah
firstly make dua rainbow1987

how and when did he swear at you?

@rainbow1987

we have been married for a year and it started right from the beginning…but when I talk to him he just twists my words and makes it look like I am the bad one and he and his fam are angles who descended from heaven

@rainbow1987

yes

@rainbow1987

exactly he always tells me “mere ghar ki baat mere ghar main rehni chahiye…ghar main jo marzi ho bahir baat na nikle..”

@rainbow1987

I never wanted to “import” a husband..but my parents wanted me to and as I said I tried to get to know him before getting married.. he was totally different then..

and u cant guarantee anyone that if they marry someone who grew up in the uk or us etc they’ll end up being happy…

@rainbow1987

we live in london..and his fam lives in ireland

@rainbow1987

lol no my hubby moved to London a year ago he was living in lahore before we got married..

@rainbow1987

u mean I cant politely tell him that he should be careful? what I said was “aap sahi tarha dekh nahin rahe the”…and I always use “AAP” when I talk to him or as a matter of fact I use it for everyone..coz thats what my parents thaught me..my father used “aap” while talking to us..I am not used to this “jahil” language…and I have never even called him by his name…what more does he want from me..I am sorry but I will defend myself if he swears at me even if this is called “muqabla” in our culture..I dont care…

@rainbow1987

Who said that I want to divorce him? I am still trying to talk to him, to tell him how he makes me feel.. that’s it…
Last year we had an argument and he grabbed me by my hair, pushed me down to the floor and took his shoe off to hit me (in the head) with it as hard as he could. When I tried to defend myself he punched and choked me . I didn’t leave him I gave him another chance I talked to him..and I didn’t tell anyone. I tried (and I am still trying) to make it work..

@diwana

Perhaps you should not have waited that long if all of this true. He is sick and you need to involve someone who is influential.

P.S. You are adding the info as the thread is going further.

@rainbow1987

I didn’t mention this before because it only happened once(almost a year ago). I talked to him and told him I will leave him If he ever tries to hurt me again. I am just trying to explain that every women makes compromises for her marriage. I dont think there are many women who take divorce lightly and decide to leave because of minor incidents.

@rainbow1987

no

@Sara516

^ Don’t be so quick to assume that someone is a troll…

The problem with OP stories can be found here.

All of a sudden a very abusive incidence is recalled by th OP when the ultimate result of the bashing desi arranged marriage and an imported Pakistani /desi man did not bring the intended result and members started questioning what should be the solution.

In the beginning ‘she’ said ‘she’ has one year old child. She supposedly conceived the child in Pakistan. And then she knew he had visa issue. Still in post # 15 ‘she’ tries to show herself a godie goodie wife and him being evil not been there when she gave birth to ‘her’ child.

And there was a tie when OP said 'she was from Britain. Nowhere it was mentioned 'she was from Berlin til,l ‘her’ English was questioned.

When someone is in bad relationship and been abused to the point as it is asserted by OP, the person will not go online in a forum to ask people their opinion.