hi all hope everyone has been doing well!! i have always been writing about issues i have had with my hubby and you all have advised me like a family as you all know i dont have parents and the only family i had was my hubby. well a few months ago i was going through a bad state of mind also was getting treated for depression. end oct 7th was hubbys birthday and instead of me giving him a surprise he gifted me a house which was really amazing and shocking fully furnished etc i said why this he said well u know that i luv u and for ur smile i can do anything. neways we started spending time together which was never the case and end of oct he sent me on a trip to Italy and France. i met my friends there and was having a good time, i randomly ran into my hubbys friends wife in France and she was like shocked to see me said so have u moved to london i was like why wud i move there she was acting a lil shady she said oh no i thought u knew i said whts going on well she said babe ur hubby is getting married on the 20th nov i was like what the hell so i called him he said are u crazy im in a meeting will talk at night he didnt called me and the next day i took a flight home. he was normal when he saw me and the usual hug and all i was like listen whts going on he said god knws its a rumour dont worry about it and was laughing so i said kool. at night i just said why are we not sleeping in our room he said well there is a termite issue in there i have moved things out and also some renovations will take place so i have moved our stuff to the new house for a while. we sat in the car and went to our new house which he gifted me. i just said i would die if you ever leave me and get married he was like u are just crazy i said im serious i believe Allah and you. you are all that i have and i hope you know how much i luv you he said why are u even saying all this i said well from the past few months i have been feeling mums not even talking to me the way she used to he said she is my mum has moods so dont worry you are my life bla bla. neways the next morning he said he has to leave for karachi and then dubai he was calling me more then usual and all the time we were talking i was in luv again i felt so happy like never before living in my new house and renovations were taking place in the old house. 14th i called MIL and the servant there said she has gone to dubai i called hubby and said oh is mum in dubai he said yea she wasnt well we wil be coming to Pakistan in a day or 2. neways i was waiting for 2 days and the 18th morning i got a letter which a lawyer brought wid him which was a permission for second marriage i cant explain what i went through i signed it as i had no option and property transfer papers which he had named after me i told him to get out. later at night a common friend on my bbm msged me its his Mehendi wht the hell?? and soon on fb his wedding pics were posted by his cousins and all. i mean i dont knw how could he do this without even talking about it he just got married is he not human? i was taken to the hospital by my servants stayed there for 10 days and advised bed rest and proper anti depressants. when i came home my maid told me he had called and she told him mam is admitted in the hospital since that day there has been no contact and i see him update statues on his BBm saying( grilled fish wid vegis having fun) i mean i dont even know what to do i tried to end my life but my servants took me to the hospital instead i am all alone please pray for me. i even called his mum she hung up on me. the girl is basically from his mums family i am so confused the guy who i always used to wonder about wht if he gets a girlfriend ended up marrying someone all i think every nite she is in the house i spent years in she must be sleeping where i used to im so helpless
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do you live in pakistan?
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That's just horrible! I just don't know whatelse to say to this. I feel really bad for you! As hard as it may seem, you have to be strong and go on with life. This guy's a jerk and definately doesnt deserve you. He should have been a man enough to atleast admit that he was going for a second marriage, its really horrible.
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As per Life1 standard fomat...
Divorce........ any other action would mean you are not a normal woman.
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Do you have children? Personally, I'd go back and live in the home you'd always lived in - make it his and his new wife's problem to adjust to you, not the other way around.
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a lawyer brought wid him which was a permission for second marriage i cant explain what i went through **i signed it as i had no option **and property transfer papers which he had named after me i told him to get out.
Can you please explain how you had "no option"? What did lawyer do or tell you that led you to believe that you absolutely had to sign the papers and could not refuse?
Obviously your husband (and his family/friends) have known about this for a while. I'm sure your husband just didn't wake up one day and say "oh hey...I'm going to get a 2nd wife". And it seems you were to out-of-touch with what was going on....that EVERYONE except you knew that he was planning a wedding! I get that you have no family.....but you don't even have any friends? You're not at all in touch with his family or other people who're MUTUAL friends?
Moving on...you're not "helpless". Don't expect anyone else to help you if you're not willing to help yourself. What's done is done. You really need to snap out of this self-pity/depression that you're going through. Although its not right....I have seen several cases where husband's "move on" while their wives are wrapped up in their own depression.
What happend sounds horrible and I can imagine you're going through emotional hell right now. But no amount of crying, begging etc. will reverse what has already happened. Whether or not you continue to stay married to him is a decision you have to make........but either way....you really need to become stronger emotionally and take clues to what's happening around you.
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Can you please explain how you had "no option"? What did lawyer do or tell you that led you to believe that you absolutely had to sign the papers and could not refuse?
My thoughts exactly.
Look at the facts: Here is a guy who has obviously lied to you repeatedly. He wasn't man enough to tell you the truth to your face, but had to do it through a lawyer. He's obviously enjoying marital bliss with his brand new wife. Do you really want to live your life married to such a jerk?
If you don't have family, there may be some NGOs, support groups that will help you, they have trained counselors to help with emotional issues, legal options, career/future planning etc.
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Well, right now you need lots of 
and support. Please be with people who genuinely care about you whether they are your distant relatives or friends. Once you are in the right state of mind then you can think properly about what to do next with your life.
Just remember one thing that every thing happens for a reason which only the all mighty knows. Right now it would seem like that this is the worst thing that can happen to you but there is a possibility that in the long run this might be a blessing in disguise.
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:( Make lots of duas. In-sha Allah you will find a way through.
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You read just one thread posing a general question about polygamy…and then a whole slew crop up. When it rains…it POURS…even on GS, it seems. :hinna:
God help you and all of us.
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yes i live in Pakistan. with no option i meant i was so shocked and emotional i thought if he is happy with it what can i even do. a lot of our friends were calling me and asking is the news even correct it was more like a secret marriage his mum was involved the only thing i have is a house my servants are my family and lots of money which is of no use i called a friend in london she said u should just come here and start studying make a career as you are stil young im just 25 years old and bla bla but i find everyday so hard to even live i have cut off with everyone as in friends as they were mutual friends and i fear what if i hear about his wife and how happy he is i mean i cant face it i am the most unluckiest person ever i am left with nothing i have a baby boy but due to my illness he was living with MIL and is still there
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your friend maybe right it would be a good idea to move to london and start studying
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what hurts the most is that he didnt even bother seeing me and explain me what he has done also when he called the maid told him mam is at the hospital he didnt even say nothing i feel these 8 years i was a fool i luved him so much
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Can you go live with your OWN family (parents) for a while? I think you need to heal a bit first before deciding what you want to do with this new marital arrangement and your future. Right now it's all just too much to process and digest. You need to be with supportive people and you NEED to continue treatment with consistency. Once you're in a more clearer frame of mind, you need to think about whether or not you want to stay in such a marriage and what your goals are for the future.
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^ Both of her parents passed away a few ago (reading her old threads). Mehroze describes her in-laws as her only family, so I'm not sure if she's got siblings or aunts/uncles who can provide that support network.
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She said she doesnt have her own family. Perhaps they passed away a long time ago.
Can you go live with your OWN family (parents) for a while? I think you need to heal a bit first before deciding what you want to do with this new marital arrangement and your future. Right now it's all just too much to process and digest. You need to be with supportive people and you NEED to continue treatment with consistency. Once you're in a more clearer frame of mind, you need to think about whether or not you want to stay in such a marriage and what your goals are for the future.
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Thats just horrible! I'm so sorry to hear that.
What are the chances of you reaching a peaceful settlement of joint custody of your child?
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yes i live in Pakistan. with no option i meant i was so shocked and emotional i thought if he is happy with it what can i even do. a lot of our friends were calling me and asking is the news even correct it was more like a secret marriage his mum was involved the only thing i have is a house my servants are my family and lots of money which is of no use i called a friend in london she said u should just come here and start studying make a career as you are stil young im just 25 years old and bla bla but i find everyday so hard to even live i have cut off with everyone as in friends as they were mutual friends and i fear what if i hear about his wife and how happy he is i mean i cant face it i am the most unluckiest person ever i am left with nothing i have a baby boy but due to my illness he was living with MIL and is still there
it is really hard for you to forget this pain, but your friend is right.
you can possibly relocate to US/UK or any other western country. you can sell your home and move west and take admission in university and start your life. you are still young. you might be ended up with nicer guy. inshaAllah.
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Though Islam does not require seeking permission from the first wife.....it just leaves a bad taste in your mouth when your wife comes to find out and you lie when she confronts you about something that will greatly impact her life as well. I don't agree with this method.....you can't respect him for it. However, like Paheli said above, I doubt that he just woke up one day and said "Gee, I think I'll get another wife." Eight years is a long time and that's a huge commitment (both financially and emotionally) to underake. I'm not trying to justify the husband and other relatives' underhanded method......BUT....based on the OP's previous posts....some of her attitudes/actions put a strain on the marriage as well. She has a lot to think about.....not only about what this all means for her and what she wants out her life and how to go about it....but to also reflect over her own mistakes....and that requires a lot of courage.
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I think right now, your priority should be to be totally get out of depression, like 110%, so you can take care of your little boy. I'm surprised that child was not mentioned in your first post and if my memory serves me correct, you rarely mentioned the child in your previous threads. So something tells me that you need to get better and fully indulge in motherhood for your own sake. Trust me, you'll feel much better. Being a parent is truly a blessing and the most rewarding experience.